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from a 



’S DIARY 

BY 

CHARLES S. PLUMMER. 



CHICAGO, NEW YORK., and SAN FRANCISCO. 

BELFORD, CLARKE & CO. 

PUBLISHERS 

LONDON : H. J. Drane, Lovell’s Court. Paternoster, Row. 

XT 1R Vni 4 Nov. 15,1888. Annual Subscrip- 
The Household Library, ‘ Entered at the Post Office at 

tion *30.00. class matter. 



ISTDEIX^ 


THE POLITICS OF LABOR. 

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BI^JLFOItD, CLABKE S CO., ruhlisJiers, 

CHICAGO, NSW YORK, AND SAN FRANCISCO. 


LEAVES 


FROM 

A DEUMMEK^S DIARY. 






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— FROM — 


A DRUMMER’S DIARY 


— OR — 


Twenty-Five Years on the Road 


— BY — 



CHARLES S. PLUMMER 



Chicago, New York, and San Francisco 

BELFORD, CLARKE & COMPANY 

Publishers 


hONDON, HENRY J. DRANE, Lovell’s Court, Paternoster Ro^v 





Copyright, 1889, by 
BELFORD, CLARKE & CO^ 




E. B. Sheldon & Co. 
Electrotypers and Printers, 
New Haven, Conn. 


TO THE 


COMMEECIAL TRAVELLEES 

OF THE UNITED STATES, 

WITH WHOM 

I HAVE ENJOYED MANY HAPPY HOURS, AND 
FOUND AMONG THE GREATER NUM- 
BER MANY INTELLIGENT 
AND COURTEOUS 
FRIENDS, 

THIS BOOK IS RESPECTFULLY DEDICATED BY 


* THE AUTHOR. 


PREFACE. 


At the solicitations of a number of my per- 
sonal friends, who have known me for years 
as a Commercial Traveller, I was persuaded 
to write a series of papers illustrating the life 
of an agent upon the road. The first inten- 
tion in view was that of publishing the chap- 
ters in the columns of The American Stationer, 
As the story grew in form 1 became aware 
that I had imposed upon myself no ordinary 
task. Not being a literary man, I was con- 
scious of the difficulty of portraying many of 
the actual incidents, in language sufficiently 
strong to escape the critic’s eye and subse- 
quent criticisms. Let my excuse be then, 
that in submitting this volume to the general 
public, written and compiled after days spent 
in performing the arduous duties incident to a 
drummer’s life, I have endeavored to do my 
best in its composition ; and I respectfully sub- 
mit to your notice and, I trust, your amuse- 
ment my maiden attempt as an 


Author. 


PROLOGUE. 


The drummer of to-day, or, to give him the 
more dignified title, the “commercial trav- 
eller,’^ is a type of the spirit and progress of 
an enlightened age. He is not exclusively 
an American product, for in all commercial 
countries the commercial traveller represents 
the life-blood of commerce. He is essentially 
a growth and product of modern times, and 
represents all branches of every known trade. 
A generation ago he was hardly known in this 
country. In those days the buyer had to 
seek the seller : now the seller, by his repre- 
sentative, the salesman, seeks the buyer, and 
generally finds him. Nearly two hundred 
thousand “ knights of the grip ” follow this 
vocation in the United States. No matter 
how inaccessible the place or what maybe the 
difficulties of travel, the drummer does not 

7 


8 Prologue. 

hesitate to start for it, and invariably “ gets 
there/’ If every purchaser in the United 
States were a fugitive from justice, and every 
commercial traveller a trained detective, the 
one could not pursue the other with more 
persistence and success. The drummer is 
one of the great promoters of civilization and 
commerce. 

The commercial traveller, in his normal 
condition, is himself an organizer, a governor, 
and a civilizer. He is, or should be, a natural 
orator, a master of the art of pleasing, a 
genial companion, a politician, something of a 
statesman, an elocutionist and good story- 
teller, a walking encyclopaedia of prices, an 
authority on the tariff, capable of umpiring 
anything, from a yacht race to a game of base- 
ball, an expert in art, music, cookery, and 
etiquette, and a good salesman. These are 
the essential qualifications of the commercial 
traveller of to-day. He has built cities and 
hotels, organized large firms by his energy, 
made large dividends for the stockholders of 
the railroads, and increased the importation 
and exportation of every known line of goods. 


Prologue, 


9 


Without him, factories and workshops would 
never have been built. He is responsible for 
the great emigration to this country ; for 
without a demand for labor occasioned by the 
sales of all manufactured goods displayed and 
sold by the drummer, our country would never 
have increased as it has during the past fifty 
years. Who will then deny that the commer- 
cial traveller is one of the great necessities of 
this growing country — in commerce, society, 
and government? And who will refuse to 
read a few leaves from the diary of an old 
traveller, who has been on the road for nearly 
a quarter of a century ? 

To write one’s own memoirs is like writing 
one’s epitaph. If the reader will excuse me, 
my story will be about a drummer whose 
name shall be fictitious. The incidents and 
anecdotes will be true, but the names of firms, 
buyers, and cities where incidents have oc- 
curred will be changed. Some of the stories 
may be chestnuts, thick with green mould and 
with whiskers on them. Forgive the writer 
for this, and let him tell his story in his own 
way. 


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LEAVES 


FROM 

A DRUMMER’S DIARY. 


CHAPTER I. 

In the year 1843, January 24, at about 
4 o’clock in the morning, Charles P. Ashley 
first saw the sun rise in the east. That is, he 
did not, but his family viewed the rising orb 
while waiting his arrival. One week of colic 
made Charlie very near and dear to the suffer- 
ing family, and it was unanimously decided 
that the new Republican voter was destined 
to make some noise in the world. Passing 
over an uninteresting period of childhood, 
with the going to school and the many amuse- 
ments incident to a wild ,and mischievous 
youth, Charlie arrived at the age of man- 
1 1 


12 


Leaves from 


hood, when a bob-tailed coat and a silk plug 
hat proclaimed him to be a man. 

After a few months’ experience in a retail 
hat and cap store, Charley fell in love. The 
idol of his first affection was an angel of 
some thirteen summers, and although young 
in years, she was old in the experience of 
breaking hearts. Days of extreme mental 
suffering and jealousy made the boy sigh 
with many and many a long drawn breath. 
His heart was nearly broken one evening, 
when, after taking his dearly beloved to one 
of Gilmore’s promenade concerts and paying 
the car fare and admission fee, she deliber- 
ately walked off with “ another feller,” and 
left Charley in an agony of “ innocuous 
desuetude.” Soon after this event, he left 

the city of B , and determined to settle in 

the large commercial city of New York. An 
opportunity presented itself to enter a whole- 
sale jobbing and retail stationery store — the 
firm being then, one of the oldest and best 
known in the trade. The house of C. T. & 

Co., then situated on N Street, was in 

need of a drummer to represent them upon 


A Drmmners Diary. 13 

the road in the State. The head of this firm 
had an interview with Charles, looked him 
over as a horse dealer would examine a new 
purchase, to ascertain if the animal had any 
good points about him, and after coming to 
the conclusion that there was perhaps a foun- 
dation to hatch out a drummer from the spec- 
imen before him, engaged Charles at a salary 
large enough to furnish him in shoes, and 
perhaps an extra pair of shoe strings. 

After a few weeks of instruction as to 
prices, etc., and a general knowledge of the 
line of goods to be shown upon the road, the 
order came : Charles, begin to pack your 
trunks. Remember to take great care in 
placing everything in the trays, and exercise 
good judgment in saving every available 
space. Let this be your first lesson in pack- 
ing your samples, and remember that the 
careful traveller who keeps his samples in good 
order makes the best salesman. Be econom- 
ical in everything, keep your expenses down 
and never waste a cent, either in money or its 
worth in your samples. Always consider the 
best interests of your employers, and never 




Leaves from 


tell an untruth or misrepresent any line of 
goods that you are selling. Work hard and 
faithfully, and success will crown your efforts. 
If I find you are successful and can manage 
to represent us satisfactorily upon the road, 
after a fair trial, we shall make your salary 
larger than we are now paying you. You will 
visit all of the principal cities up the Hudson 
River, then along the New York Central 
Railroad as far as Buffalo and Lockport. 
Take a map and write down your list of 
cities, allowing sufficient time in each to call 
upon all dealers whom you may think will use 
our line of goods. After seeing the trade, we 
desire you to visit the bS^ks, insurance com- 
panies, lawyers’ and other offices, as well as 
the leading carpenters and builders. 

Boxes of pens, pencils and other articles 
which are contained in one of the trunks, you 
may deliver to such purchasers, keeping a 
correct account in this memorandum book 
which I now give you, and the cash money 
thus received, will help pay your travelling 
expenses. I trust that you will have success, 
and let us hear from you every da}^, even if 


A Drummer s Diary, 


IS 


you have no orders to send us. Be honest 
and work faithfully, and I believe you will be 
of great value to our house. Good-by, 
Charles, and good luck.’’ 

After this sermon, Charles finished the 
packing of the trunks, obtained a small 
amount of money for his travelling expenses, 
and was soon on his way, for the first time, a 
drummer. With what feeling of pride and 
independence the first starting out on a trip 
comes over the commercial traveller ! He is 
his own boss,^’ comparatively speaking, 
and if he works hard and is successful, the 
house at home will advance him to a better 
position, a larger field of territory. He will 
see the country, make new friends, and at 
last, when he gets control of a large personal 
trade, he can command a handsome salary. 
A few hours’ ride, and Charles arrived at his 
first city. Trunks were opened, samples dis- 
played, and he started out for his first 
victim, 


i6 


Leaves from 


CHAPTER IL 

“ Good morning ; is the proprietor in ? 

‘‘ Yes ; I am the proprietor, what do you 
wish ? 

“I represent the house of C. T. & Co., of 
New York. I have my line of samples dis- 
played at Hotel, and would be pleased 

to have you spare some of your valuable time 
to look me over.” 

“ Sorry to say, young man, but I have just 
ordered, and am not in need of anything.” 

“Thank you, sir ; good day.” 

“ Good day ! ” 

Charles went out of the store feeling that 
his first attempt as a drummer was a failure. 
The firm called upon was the largest in the 
place, and the result of the interview a trifle 
discouraging. . Other houses were called 
upon, and when the evening arrived, our 
drummer had failed to obtain a single 
customer to view his artistic display of 


A Drujniners Diary, 17 

samples. Sick at heart and weary, he retired 
early to bed, determined to use some stronger 
method, to have his . trade look over his line 
of samples, on the following day. Bright 
and early, after breakfast, he again started 
out, but this time he carried a few new 
specialties in a bundle under his arm. The 
gentleman he first called upon the previous 
day, was in his office, and just opening his 
morning mail. 

“ Ah ! young man ; not left the city 
yet ? 

‘‘ No, sir. But you are busy, and I can( 
wait until you are at leisure.” 

“ Well, sit down and take it easy. I shall 
be through in a short time.” 

Charles sat down in a chair, took his hat 
from his head, and congratulated himself 
that this member of the firm was a gentleman, 
had spoken kindly to him, and perhaps would 
be in the humor to purchase something. 

After a few minutes the gentleman turned 
round upon his chair and asked : 

“Young man, what can I do for you this 
morning ? ” 


i8 


Leaves from 


“Mr. A , you see I have just started 

out upon the road as a drummer, and I felt 
somewhat downhearted in not being able to 
have you see our line of novelties and staple 
goods, when I called upon you yesterday ; 
but your kindly manner encouraged me to 
again ask you, as a great favor, to oblige me 
by looking at these few samples,, which I 
desire you to see, as I know they are sal- 
able, and are being extensively sold by my 
house. I don’t wish to annoy you, but I 
feel that I am not doing my duty to my em- 
ployer, if I cannot succeed in showing my 
samples.” 

“ Young man,” replied Mr. A. “ I admire 
your courage and method of drumming. 
You need not open your package here, but, 
I’ll go at once with you to the hotel, and if 
I can possibly buy a bill of you. I’ll do 
it.” 

And he did. He purchased a nice bill 
of Charlie, besides encouraging the young 
man with his kind words and manner, to 
extra endeavors. If every buyer would 
only take into consideration that a drummer 


A Drummer s Diary 19 

is human, with feelings which are as tender 
as his own, and take the golden rule for 
a guide, buyers would be better liked and 
respected by all the fraternity. A circum- 
stance came under the notice of the writer, 
where the seed thrown upon good soil, bore 
fruit after many days. 

A gentleman, well known and for many 
years the buyer of a large wholesale house, by 
his genial and kindly manner, endeared him- 
self to every drummer who ever called upon 
him. With expectation of living many years, 
this friend suddenly became sick, and unfort- 
unately, passed away. He had neglected to 
pay the assessments on his life insurance, and 
when he died, his family were left almost 
destitute. His friends, the drummers, who 
had known and loved him, gathered together 
and subscribed quite a handsome fund for 
that bereaved family. The old adage, “ Cast 
thy bread upon the waters, for after many 
days It shall return to thee,’’ is a truthful and 
lovely quotation, and was exemplified in this 
instance in a substantial manner. 

The encouragement given to Charlie by 


20 


Leaves from 


this first sale, induced him to try again the 
other firms, and the result was a good day’s 
work, and the pleasant task of sending the 
house five good orders. In all his subse- 
quent career as a salesman, Charlie believes 
that his friend Mr. A. was the maker of his 
future fortunes. Trade was so satisfactory 
that Charlie had not the heart or inclination 
to visit any banks or offices, and did not 
attempt to take orders for such goods as 
might injure the sales of the resident pur- 
chasers, who had been so kind to him. It 
had been a part of the orders in the sermon 
delivered by the head of his house, and he 
should obey his superiors, who pay for his 
labors; but in this instance, his conscience 
forbade^it, and only in cities where the trade 
was disinclined to treat him with common 
courtesy, did he follow out the instructions of 
his house in this particular. 

Trade was done in this way in many in- 
stances in those days, but it soon fell into dis- 
use, as it was entirely wrong to treat the 
regular trade in this manner, while selling 


A Drummer s Diary, 2 1 

them, and to endeavor to supply their cus- 
tomers subsequently. 

Charlie left town on the night train and 
reached his next stopping place at midnight. 
Tired with a hard day^s work, but satisfied 
that he had been successful, sleep soon visited 
his eyelids, and this was the ‘‘beginning of 
the end.’’ 


22 


Leaves front 


CHAPTER III. 

“ Is the buyer in ? ” inquired Charlie, the 
following morning. 

Party at the desk made no answer. 

“ Hem ! Are you the proprietor, sir ? 

Party still kept on writing and made no reply. 

“ Excuse me, sir, I represent the large job- 
bing house of C. T. & Co., New York City, 
and have — 

A grunt interrupted Charlie, and Mr. Hogg 
remarked in a surly manner : 

“ Don’t want no goods.” 

“ But, my dear sir, I have many new and 
desirable articles, many of which we entirely 
control, and are having a large demand. 
Here is my card, sir.” 

Laying card upon desk, Mr. Hogg takes 
card, tears it in half, throws it in waste 
basket and returns to his writing. 

Mr. H., will you kindly give me your 
attention for — ” 


23 


A Drummer s Diary, 

“ Confound you I Did you not hear me 
state that I did not want no goods ? I don’t 
need nothing.’^ 

‘‘ Begging your pardon, sir,’’ replied Charlie, 
‘‘you do need something, and that’s good 
manners. Good day, sir ! ” 

With head erect and face burning with in- 
dignation, Charlie walked out of the “Hogg” 
pen. Determined to try and curb his feel- 
ings, and endeavor to be a martyr to such a 
class of unpleasant storekeepers in the future, 
Charlie called upon Mr. L. on the opposite 
side of the street. The store was very nicely 
situated, and the stock was kept in the neat- 
est manner. Everything was clean, and the 
clerks were busy rearranging the articles in 
the different departments. The proprietor, 
upon being approached by our drummer, in- 
vited him to the office and placed a chair, 
with an invitation to be seated. 

After Charlie had stated the reason of the 
call, Mr. L. took his hat, and with a genial 
smile said, that he would walk around to the 
hotel at once, for he recognized the fact that 
a traveller’s time was valuable, as he had two 


24 


Leaves from 


on the road himself. After looking over the 
entire line displayed, and inquiring prices, 
Mr. L. asked : “ What’s in that other large 
trunk ? 

“ That ? Why, that — hem — that contains 
pencils, boxes of pens — er — memorandum 
books, rubber erasers, inkstands, ah — and 
other small articles for mercantile use.” 

“ And do you mean to tell me, that you 
carry all that lot of goods with you, and after 
selling the trade in a city or town, you have 
the audacity to call upon the consumers and 
endeavor to sell them ? ” 

‘^Well, sir — er — yes,” replies poor, trem- 
bling Charlie. 

“ And does your house instruct you to do 
this most unbusiness style of drumming.? ” 

Charlie was forced to admit the truth. Mr. 
L. slowly placed his hat upon his head, and 
laying his hand lightly upon Charlie’s shoulder, 
said : Young Ashley, I do not perhaps 

blame you^ for such a method of transacting 
business ; but as to your house, whom you 
represent, I shall never deal with them again. 
Such a contemptible style of doing business. 


A Drummer s Diary, 25 

is unworthy of any respectable firm, and my 
advice to you is, if you wish to continue to 
follow the vocation of a commercial traveller, 
to seek other fields. Good day, sir; and 
when you come again, representing an honor- 
able firm, I shall be pleased to meet you.” 
With a kindly grasp of the hand, he left the 
room, and poor Charlie. 

After finishing tbis trip, our traveller re- 
turned home to New York, and resigned his 
position. 


26 


Leaves from 


CHAPTER IV. 

A VERY amusing experience to young Ashley 
occurred some weeks after his return to New 
York. Looking about the different houses 
for a position, he at last obtained one in the 
large importing house of W. L. & Co., on 
Cliff Street, manufactures of wire, steel, etc. 
The head of the firm was a most disagreeable 
Englishman, and very methodical in all 
his business dealings. The first morning, 
Charles was given a simple job of folding 
some new circulars and preparing them for 
the mail. While in front of one of the 
counters busily employed in following out his 
instructions, Charlie was standing with one 
leg crossing the other. Mr. L., in making his 
‘‘rounds,’’ discovered the boy in this position. 

“ Charles ! stand on both feet ! I want you 
to understand, I allow no one in my employ, 
while doing any work, to stand on one footT 

Many years after this incident Mr, L. be- 


A Drummer s Diary. 27 

came a defaulter, and is now a fugitive from 
justice. The lesson is suggestive, to say the 
least. ‘‘ Always stand on both feet.’^ 

After receiving such sound advice, and in 
such a tone of voice, accompanied with vari- 
ous styles of frantic gestures, Charles coolly 
took his hat, and, without a single word in 
reply, walked out of the office. 


28 


Leaves from 


CHAPTER V. 

The first gun had been fired upon our flag 
at Fort Sumpter. Everybody in the North 
was wild with patriotism and eager to fight 
for the glorious Stars and Stripes. Business 
was at a standstill, and the ranks of numerous 
regiments were filled with men from every 
branch of trade. The commercial traveller 
shouldered his gun, and was ready to fight 
for his country, with as much enthusiasm as 
when he presented his samples for orders. 
Returning to his native city, Charles felt it 
his duty to enroll his name with those friends 
of his schoolboy days, and he joined the 
ranks of the Forty-fourth Regiment, Massa- 
chusetts Volunteers. The first day in camp 
at Reedville, when the boys arrived from their 
journey from Boston, the first meal eaten from 
the soft side of a shingle, and the ‘‘ bean 
coffee, sweetened with common molasses, are 
some of the remembrances of those days of 


A Drummer s Diary, 29 

warfare. The sorrowful paiting from the 
kind father and mother, when our drummer, 
with knapsack strapped upon his shoulders, 
stepped to the front, with the band playing, 
the flags flying, and the shouts of the multi- 
tude bidding the boys ‘‘God speed, are re- 
membered as in a dream. 

One morning, after a few days of camp 
life, young Ashley was detailed with some 
others to join the drum corps. After a few 
lessons by the drum-major in the taps and 
beats, Ashley was selected to accompany a 
corporal’s guard, to camp all night outside the 
camp, so as to become acquainted with the 
art of war. 

At sunrise, he was awakened by the orders 
to rise and beat the reveille. Having slept 
all night upon his overcoat for a mattress and 
his knapsack for a pillow, he rose from his 
restless slumber and dreams of home, to the 
fact that every button of his overcoat had left 
an undeniable spot upon his entire body. 

And such a reveille ! No hills ever echoed 
back such a conglomeration of sounds from 
a drum. Although a drummer, Charlie had 


30 Leaves from 

as much of an idea how to beat a reveille as 
to making a plum pudding. But he beat 
and somehow, it was a success as far as 
awakening the slumbering comrades was 
concerned. 

Ah, those days of long ago ! We can see 
the boys, in their patriotism eager to fight 
for the grand old flag. Coming from every 
rank of life, nearly every one accustomed to all 
the comforts of a home, they were unfitted to 
endure the hardships of a soldier^s life. Sick- 
ness came to many, and Charlie was honora- 
bly discharged, with others, for physical dis- 
ability. He did not have a chance to smell 
gunpowder, and the disappointment was great 
at that time. He returned to his home, and 
mingled his tears of sorrow with the tears of 
gladness of his parents. 


A Druimner s Diary, 


31 


CHAPTER VI. 

Returning to New York, Charlie had a 
chance to enter one of two lines of business. 
A wholesale dry goods house desired his ser- 
vices, with the intention of placing him upon 
the road as a drummer. 

A photograph firm, one of the most cele- 
brated at that time, also made an offer, and 
Charlie selected this as the most desirable 
business. He took charge of the celebrity 
department, and managed it in all its details. 
It was his duty to call upon all celebrities, 
theatrical, political, military, etc., and obtain 
negatives of all prominent persons. The pho- 
tographs were then printed, and nearly all of 
the principal cities visited by Charlie, who 
sold all art dealers the faces of those best 
known in every walk of life. The collecting 
of photographs was then the most fashionable 
‘Had.’’ 

It was during this time that Charlie be- 


32 


Leaves from 


came ‘‘stage struck/’ His room-mate was 
assistant scenic artist at the Olympic Theatre, 
then situated on Broadway, near Bleecker 
Street. 

Nearly every night he visited the theatre, 
and assisted in the “ flies ” to raise and lower 
the “borders.” A new play was in rehearsal, 
“ Martin Chuzzlewit,” and required a large 
cast to produce it. James Selwin was stage 
manager, and offered young Ashley the small 
part of George Chuzzlewit in the first act, 
and another character in the second act, in 
which he was to sing a song. This long- 
wished-for chance to distinguish himself as an 
actor was accepted at once. After numerous 
rehearsals, the first night arrived, and our 
drummer made his first appearance behind 
the footlights. He made a hit in his small 
characters, and was at once engaged for 
“general utility” for. the season. He still re- 
tained his position in the photograph gallery, 
and his days and nights were taken up con- 
tinually by this cornbination. 

While employed in this capacity, Charles 
met a young lady, and although his time 


A Drummer s Diary, 33 

during the week was well occupied, he suc- 
ceeded in utilizing the Sabbath for some few 
hours of courtship. Strong and weighty op- 
position presented itself, and, as the family 
on both sides objected to his histrionic pur- 
suits, he was obliged to resign his jDosition 
as an actor, before consent would be granted 
for his marriage. He did this, and soon 
after began wedded life, after the firm was 
kind enough to increase his salary. Chromo- 
lithography was added to the business of pho- 
tography, and this again necessitated his 
going upon the road. The feeling of anxiety 
which naturally possessed him, and the pain 
of parting with his young bride, had to be 
borne with courage and fortitude. 

Again he became a drummer, with every 
indication of many years of hard work and 
long separations from his young wife. The 
morning arrived for the Western trip of five 
or six weeks. The little wife flung her arms 
about his neck, but could not speak a word. 
She only looked at her husband with blinded 
eyes filled with tears, and tried to be brave. 

3 


34 


Leaves from 


The last embrace, with the trembling kiss, 
and Charlie started for the door, his heart in 
his throat, or something that nearly choked 
him. Who says that a drummer’s life is a 
happy one ? 


A Drummer s Diary, 


35 


CHAPTER VIL 

A LOT of travelling men met in the smoker 
on the train, and after the usual number of 
stories about large sales and an exchange of 
opinions as to the hard treatment received 
from certain disagreeable buyers in some of 
the. cities visited, the boys began to sing. 
After a few trials, it was discovered that 
some of them had good voices, and soon the 
occupants of the car were listening to many 
pleasant songs, in perfect tune and harmony. 
Then the stories began to circulate, and one 
after another began with, ^‘That reminds 
me,’’ etc. 

‘‘ Come, Charlie, give us one of your 
latest,” said Will Smaller, who was selling 
imported crockery. 

Well, boys, perhaps you’ve heard this 
before, but I’ll tell it anyway. 

One day a store on the Bowery was 


36 Leaves from 

visited by an Irishman, who inquired of the 
proprietor if he had an green cloth. 

‘‘ ‘ Haf I any green cloth, mine friendt ? 
Vy, I haf der nicest green clodth dot vas 
ever made. Id vas a yard vide and no 
selvidge. Valk dis vay P And he waddled 
along the store, his legs bending in a very 
comical fashion at the knees. 

“ ‘ Walk that way ! Be god^ Oi wuldn’t 
walk that way for yer whole shop ! ’ ” 

Then up spoke Sie Puckering, who repre- 
sented a large jewelry house. 

“That puts me in mind of a good story. 
Last summer, down to Cape May, two fel- 
lows, Ike and Jake, were stopping at the 
hotel, and just before breakfast, in looking 
over the hotel register, discovered the names 
of Isadore Longenthall and his bride. They 
immediately — ’’ 

“ Oh, chestnuts ! Give us something new, 
old man. You have told that until it's rank 
with old age," was the chorus from the boys. 

“ I'll give you one that I know you have 
not heard," began John Hollowell, “for it's a 
true story and really happened." 


A Drummer s Diary, 37 

“ Oh, come off ! “ What yer giving us ? 

etc., from the crowd. 

‘‘ Down in Leadville, during the cold win- 
ter months, there is very little mining going 
on, and the operators are obliged to remain 
indoors and endeavor to keep from freezing. 
One of the cabins was occupied by an as- 
sistant overseer and two Irishmen — Mike 
and Pat. While reposing in his hammock, 
the poor overseer was obliged to listen to 
the following conversation every night, and 
the extreme sameness nearly drove him mad. 
This was the usual style of conversation, as 
Mike and Pat sat before the blazing wood 
fire, muffled up with shawls and blankets, 
endeavoring to keep warm, while smoking 
their clay pipes : 

‘‘ ‘ Mike ! Mike ! ! Mike ! ! ! ’ A long pause 
and a spit between. 

‘‘ ‘ Phwat dus yez want ? ^ 

‘‘ ‘ Did yez iver go to war ? ’ 

“ ‘ Did Oi iver go to war ? ’ 

‘ That’s phwat Oi axed yez !’ 

“ ‘ That’s phawt yez axed me ? ’ 

“ ‘ Oi did.’ 


Leaves from 


38 

‘^‘Yez did!’ 

‘‘‘Oi did!’ 

“ ‘ Oi have.’ 

‘^‘Yezhave?’ 

‘ Oi have.’ 

‘‘‘Well— well— well! ’ 

“ A long pause, and both silently smoking. 
“‘Mike! Mike!! Mike!!!’ 

“ ‘ Phwat duz yez want ? ’ 

“ ‘ Did yez iver kill yer man ? ’ 

“ ‘ Did Oi iver kill me man ? ’ 

“ ‘ That’s phwat Oi axed yez ! ’ 

“ ‘ That’s phwat yez axed me "I ’ ' 

“‘Oi did.’ 

“‘Yez did?’ 

“‘Oidid.’ 

“ ‘ Oi have ! ’ 

“ ‘ Yez have ? ’ 

“ ‘Oi have ! !’ 

“ ‘ Well — well — well ! ’ 

“ After three months of this monotonous 


conversation, the overseer died.” 


A Drinnmer s Diary, 


39 


CHAPTER VIII. 

After a traveller has followed the road for 
a few years, he becomes somewhat used to 
the dealer’s Don’t want anything in your 
line.” A new man on a first trip may get 
discouraged, and after a varied experience 
on the road take as a final answer the stereo- 
typed reply to his introductory efforts to sell 
a bill. To those, the writer would give a lit- 
tle advice, as the story which is penned in 
these pages has been written for their en- 
couragement. When entering a store, never 
ask for an interview if you see that the pro- 
prietor is busy opening his mail or convers- 
ing with any person or customer. The 
writer has noticed in many instances in his 
travels, young drummers evidently upon their 
first trips, break in upon the privacy of a 
busy proprietor and present their card, with 
the customary opening address. Don’t do 
this, as it will surely spoil your chances, not 


40 


Leaves from 


only for this first trip but all future ones. 
Sit down quietly and wait with patience, or 
go out and visit other houses, if your time is 
limited. If you can gain the good-will and 
confidence of a buyer on your first visit, and 
give him the opinion that you are a gentle- 
man worthy of some degree of friendship,, 
and behave in a decent manner, you will 
make your mark as a salesman. If your 
first appearance gives the buyer the idea 
that you are a bore, and only have the one 
intention in view, to sell the line you have at 
the best prices you can obtain and as quickly 
as possible, so as to make the next town 
and save expenses, just pack your trunks 
and return home and endeavor to obtain 
some other position, as you never will make 
a successful drummer. A traveller must 
have some idea of common sense, and be a 
good judge of human nature. Remember, 
the first good impression you may make on 
a buyer may be the foundation of a life’s 
friendship. Never be in a hurry, but take 
plenty of time to thoroughly canvass a town. 
It is not intended to convey the impression 


A Drummer s Diary, 41 

that you may loaf around and take things 
easily. Keep busy, and never give the idea 
to a customer that you are in a ‘‘ devil of a 
hurry to catch a train ; for if you do, ten 
chances to one he’ll notice your anxiety and 
cut his order short. Never contradict a cus- 
tomer and try to make him out a liar. If he 
is one, and you are sure he is, just keep a 
silent tongue and he will soon be convinced 
that his statement is wrong, and perhaps 
admit the fact later. In calling attention to 
your numerous samples have a system, and 
endeavor to present everything in your line 
in rotation. If you have some new and at- 
tractive articles make them the leaders,” 
and then go through the remainder carefully 
and thoroughly. Try and not sell those arti- 
cles you best like yourself and neglect the 
remainder of the line, but consider the fact 
that your house has a stock of everything, and 
desires to sell all styles. Speaking about 
system brings up a story. 

A large jobbing house in the notion busi- 
ness was visited by a man who inquired par- 
ticularly for the head of the firm. He was 


42 


Leaves from 


directed to the top floor, where the proprietor 
was engaged in checking off a bill of goods. 
The would-be buyer stated that he was from 
K. City, and ‘‘ vished to burchase some dings 
at der cheapest brices.” After being shown 
through a variety of articles, and complaining 
that he could purchase so much cheaper of 
some other houses, the head of the firm lost 
patience, and taking the bargainer by the arm, 
showed him down the stairs to the third land- 
ing. 

The junior member of the firm, hearing the 
noise and seeing the man coming down in 
such a manner, and realizing the fact that 
he must have been assisted by the strong 
hand of the senior partner, at once grabbed 
the frightened fellow and showed him to the 
next landing. The head clerk rushed out 
in time to escort the flying individual to 
the first floor, and the porter finished the job 
by shoving the wanderer into the street. 

“Veil ! So help me Moses ! ” said the man, 
“ I don’t know vat kind of a pisness dis house 
do, put, coolness gracious, vat a system ! ” 


A Driimmer s Diary, 


43 


CHAPTER IX. 

THE COMMERCIAL'S DREAM. 

A little room in a little hotel, 

In a little country town, 

On a little bed with musty smell 
A man was lying down. 


A great big man with a great big snore — 
For he lay on his back, you see — 

And a peaceful look on his face he wore. 
For sound asleep was he. 


In his dreams what marvellous trips he made. 
What heaps of stuff he sold I 
And nobody failed, and every one paid. 

And his orders were good as gold. 


He smiled, and smothered a scornful laugh 
When his fellow commercials blowed. 
For he knew no othenhad sold the half 
Of what his order book showed. 


He got this letter from home one day — 
‘ Dear Sir — We’ve no fitter term 
To use in your case than simply to say 
Henceforth you are one ot the firm.’ 


44 


Leaves from 


And a glorious change this made in his life, 

He now from the road withdrew, 

And, really, soon got to know his wife, 

His son, and his daughter, too. 

But with a thump — bang — wang — thump — bang 
again. 

The ‘ boots ’ had knocked at the door ; 

‘ It’s very near time for that 6:io train !’ 

And the commercial’s dream was o’er.” 

Arriving at the great city of C , the 

boys took the ’bus and rode to the largest 
hotel. The day was warm and sultry, but all 
hands were obliged to open up their samples, 
and prepare to gather the buyers in,” re- 
gardless of the extreme heat. Charlie had 
two competitors among the crowd in the line 
of chromos, but as the subjects were entirely 
different it made no difference as regards 
sales. At dinner, the boys succeeded in ob- 
taining a separate table, and all sat down 
together, a happy family inded. Phew, but 
the weather was hot ; 102° in the shade. The 
waiter inquired of Jim Jones^ a blankbook 
drummer : 

Have soup to-day, sir ? ” 

Soup ! Great Scott ! are you mad ? Bring 


A Drummer s Diary, 45 

me a pitcher of lemonade and a fan ; and say, 
put my coat on ice, while I take a long 
breath.’’ 

Harry St. Paul, who was representing a 
large fancy goods house, here began to relate 
a little experience which occurred to him dur- 
ing the morning. Calling upon one of the 
largest houses in the dry goods line, he found 
the buyer in a very irritated mood, and as 
cross as a bear with a sore head. The gentle- 
man had evidently been pulled over the coals 
by the firm, as he was just finishing a loud 
and angry tirade with some of his assistants. 
His better judgment should have shown St. 
Paul that it was a bad time to talk business ; 
but, relying upon the fact that they were old 
acquaintances, he approached the buyer with 
the usual common courtesies of the day. 

‘‘ Confound it, man, you are the twenty- 
fifth drummer who has bothered me to-day. 
I don’t want any goods in either your line or 
any other. We are full up to the neck, and 
not a customer comes into this store but be- 
comes tired to death before looking half 
through our line. The firm have cautioned 


46 


Leaves from 


me to hold up and found so much fault that 1 
am sick and tired of trying.” 

“ But, my dear fellow — ” 

‘‘ Now, there is no use talking, St. Paul, I 
would not look at a single article, and wouldn’t 
buy gold dollars if you offered them for 50 
cents.” 

“ Very well, then. Sorry I have annoyed 
you. Excuse me and good-by,” and St. Paul 
finished the account of his first attempt that 
morning. Discouraging, to say the least. 
The next day, however, St. Paul met the same 
buyer, and after a social drink of lemonade, 
succeeded in bringing him to the hotel, where 
he viewed the large and desirable line of holi- 
day goods, which his house would be in need 
of in the fall, and bought a large invoice of 
the entire line. “ If at first you don’t succeed, 
try, try, try again.” 


A Driunmer s Diary. 


47 


CHAPTER X. 

Becoming tired of this photographic busi- 
ness, and feeling assured that there were very 
little prospects ahead, Charles looked about 
him for something different. A large manu- 
facturer of shirts and gentlemen’s furnishing 
goods desired a man, and upon applying for 
the situation, Charlie was accepted. 

After obtaining a general knowledge of the 
line, he started on the first trip. Two im- 
mense hand bags, each weighing about fifty 
or sixty pounds, contained the numerous 
samples , and our drummer was obliged to 
‘‘ lug ” them. Small towns were visited up 
the Hudson River, along the New York Cen- 
tral Railroad, thence through Massachusetts, 
to Boston, Rhode Island, and back to New 
York by way of Connecticut ; and the huge 
bundles of samples weighed a ton on many a 
day^s tramp. • A year’s experience with this 
style of travelling, was enough for a lifetime. 


48 


Leaves from 


The leading member of the firm was a Scotch- 
man, and followed out the characteristics of 
his prudent nation. He was a good member 
of the Baptist Church, and was extremely 
charitable in giving to the poor ignorant 
heathen large sums of money, that they might 
be brought “from darkness to light; but, as 
to his travellers, he kept them down to the 
smallest allowance for expenses, and would 
have been glad to have had them live on 
crackers and milk, with the traditional oat- 
meal for dessert. Charles worked hard and 
faithfully, for he had three mouths to feed 
now, as during his absence on one of his trips, 
a little stranger blessed his home. But, alas ! 
not for long. After returning home from a 
short journey the little boy — the first born — 
sickened and died in his father’s arms. Who 
can describe the anguish and sorrow that 
came over that drummer’s heart ? But busi- 
ness must be attended to, and no time wasted 
for idle tears over the loss of a loved one. 
Another trip, and the same hard “ tugging ” 
and work, work, work ! A sudden cold or 
exposure in a malarious climate, and Charlie 


A Drummer s Diary. 49 

came home one day ill and delirious, A 
physician was called in, and he pronounced it 
“ typhoid fever of the very worst kind. Two 
months of delirium — a blank — and two months 
of convalescence ! What did this generous 
hrm, this Christian member of the Baptist 
Church, do while Charlie was so near death’s 
door ? Cut off his salary after the first week’s 
illness, and never paid him or his suffering 
family a single cent. » 

The moral of this is quite plain and needs 
no explanation. The story is a fact. 

4 


50 


Leaves from 


CHAPTER XL 

After regaining perfect health, an opening 

presented itself in the C Manufacturing 

Company, which manufactured a variety of 
stationers’ supplies, such as bill holders, arm 
rests, clipfs, etc., and Charlie again started 
upon the road as a drummer. 

Success began from the start, and the com- 
pany found it necessary to increase its facil- 
ities and build a larger factory. The line had 
been previously represented by a New York 
resident agent, and the jobbers in the city, 
after their usual method, purchased what they 
needed in very small quantities. 

When we look back upon those times, so 
many years ago, and enumerate the jobbing 
stationers then in business, and compare them 
with those of to-day, we begin to think that 
there was some reason why so many prosper- 
ous firms went out of business. The secret is 
in a nutshell. 


A Drummers Diary, 51 

A large variety of goods, manufactured by 
various companies all over the country, was 
sold by these jobbers; but it became the 
established plan among them all, to purchase 
only small lots when they had the demand, 
and never to keep a large stock on their 
shelves. This naturally resulted in the fac- 
tory being obliged to run on half time, or stop 
altogether. Then the manufacturers began to 
reason differently, and came to the conclusion 
that they would take the matter into their 
own hands, and create a demand by selling 
the dealers all over the country direct. 

The New York jobbers found out their mis- 
take when too late, and the demand for 
numerous articles which they formerly han- 
dled, drifted away entirely. New firms began 
to spring up in all the large Western cities, 
and as these large jobbing houses were will- 
ing to purchase in quantities, they naturally 
bought at the lowest figures, and the New 
York houses were obliged to call in their 
numerous travellers, who were on the road, in 
many instances working at a loss. 

But in the most prosperous times, how well 


52 


Leaves from 


we remember the popular travellers of that 
period ! “ Happy Dick Demmitt, whose 

strong muscles were the wonder of all who 
viewed his brawny arms and chest. What 
stories and adventures he could relate, and 
what friends he made all over the country ! 
And ‘‘ Dunk,” who could sing The Old Sex- 
ton,” and reach lower G without an effort. Be- 
sides there were Tom, Frank, Harry, Will, Gus, 
Luckie, Ned, and a host of others, who 
travelled all over the continent, from Maine 
to California. Some have gone to' that “ un- 
discovered country from whose bourne no 
traveller returns,” while others are following 
other vocations. 

At this time, there were less than fifty 
thousand commercial travellers, now there are 
over four times that number. Younger men 
are joining the ranks, while the “ old guard ” 
are gradually passing away. 

In making out one's trip, it is generally 
made so that the traveller may spend Sunday 
in a pleasant city, and where the hotel is a 
popular one. Sunday is a day usually con- 
sidered by all good people as a day of rest. 


A Drummer s Diary. 53 

To the commercial traveller the Sabbath is 
the only time during the entire busy week 
that he can call his own. But even on that 
day, in numerous instances, he may be obliged 
to spend the entire day on the road travelling 
in reaching some other city. But when he 
can “ make a town where he is sure to meet 
a number of congenial companions who follow 
the same vocation, he will strive his best to 
do so. At a hotel, which has an excellent 
reputation as a first-class establishment, and 
is a favorite place to pass the Sabbath, and 
where the proprietor endeavors to make his 
house as near like home for the traveller as 
possible, you will always find a large number 
of the fraternity on Sunday. No engagements 
are on the mind to disturb one’s sleep and no 
call at an early hour for breakfast, to meet a 
customer. Here is a chance for a long rest, 
with a substantial breakfast at ten o’clock, 
the remainder of the morning occupied in 
writing letters to the firm, and the loved ones 
at home. After dinner, the boys may meet in 
one of the larger rooms, and tell the latest 
stories, with some very old chestnuts, talk 


54 Leaves from 

over the experience of the week, and while 
smoking, pass the day pleasantly and not 
always unprofitably. 

A beautiful Sunday in O , and under 

the shady piazza of a hotel, about a baker’s 
dozen of commercial travellers were sitting 
in a circle and endeavoring to keep cool. 
They had just finished a substantial dinner, 
and felt contented and happy with all the 
world. 

John White, a good, big fellow, who pleases 
the children in all parts of this country by 
selling the jobbing trade toy books and build- 
ing blocks, likes to hear a story, but always 
admits that he cannot tell one properly. 
Harry Nibbs, while stroking his long flowing 
beard, listens with rapt attention and enjoys 
the witty sayings, as his twinkling eyes 
express. ‘‘ Bossie ” Pickeril has the confiden- 
tial ear of George Roeback, and is whisper- 
ing a story, and if one can judge by 
the sympathetic smile which illumines 
George’s face, while he nervously twists his 
long black mustache the narrative is an 
interesting one. Both of them represent the 


A Drummer s Diary, 55 

stationery line, and, although strong competi- 
tors, they are solid friends. “ Hen ’’ Stork, 
who sells books and is a friend to everybody, 
sits with his generous pedal extremities on the 
railing, giving a pleasant shade to a good part 
of the piazza from the bright glaring sun. 
Fred Nafely, the Bible and prayer-book sales- 
man, has just joined the circle, after laying out 
his extensive line. He has lately been taken 
into the firm, and has his private key hanging 
on his watch chain. Colonel Almond, who 
travels for one of the largest publishing 
houses in the world, is relating some of his 
war experiences, while ‘^BilF^ Delly listens 
with respectful attention while twirling his 
G. A. R. button, and tries to ‘‘go one better.’’ 
There sits Will Kone, who is a trifle hard of 
hearing and makes an ear trumpet of his 
hand. His good-natured laugh has a cheerful 
sound, and when one hears it, he may be 
certain that the story is a fresh one. 

Just on the left, his face “enveloped ” in a 
broad smile, is genial “ Sam ” Nextime, who 
represents a large envelope manufacturer. 
George W. Bark, who is selling Japanese 


56 


Leaves from 


umbrellas, fans, etc., is examining the creases 
in his trousers to discover if his good wife 
ironed them evenly, and finding them not 
exactly plumb, he retires to his room with a 
sick-headache. 

Charlie Ashley met all these pleasant 
friends, and the afternoon passed quickly in 
their company. 

“ Come, Charlie, give us a story — a new 
one, remember,’’ says John; ‘‘one of your 
latest."” 

“Yes! Start the ball rolling, old man, and 
give us something funny ; I’m homesick, and 
want to forget I have a sick baby at home,” 
continued Fred. 

“ All right, boys. I’ll give you the latest.” 

“ Once upon a time, as they say in the 
story-books, a clergyman had a poll parrot 
which had formerly been in a drinking-saloon, 
where he learned many naughty words, and 
in his talkative moods, would use oaths with 
wonderful frequency. 

“ Determined to break the parrot of the 
habit, the clergyman threw a tumbler of cold 
water upon him every time the parrot swore, 


A Drummer s Diary. 57 

and at length the bird became quite respec- 
table. 

“ Some few weeks passed, and one of the 
very young chickens was caught in the rain 
and became thoroughly drenched and nearly 
^drowned. Some of the children discovered 
him, brought him into the library, where the 
parrot was kept, and placed the poor chicken 
before the fireplace to dry. Poll walked 
down from his perch, and going up to the wet 
chicken, cocked up one eye at him, and said : 

‘ D — n you, youVe been swearing, too, have 
you?^’’ 

“ Oh, Charlie ! Where did you catch 
that ? 

“ What a dry story ! 

“ Birdy, come off the perch ! '' 

“ Where does the laugh come in ? Chest- 
nuts 1 ’’ 

These were some of the remarks which 
greeted this story. 

“ Well, boys, it^s Sunday, and I thought 
rd give you a strictly moral tale. So, in 
return, if you will all accompany me to the 
bar-room, Fll set up the cold lemonade for 


58 


Leaves from 


the crowd as my punishment. My only ex- 
cuse for inflicting this yarn upon you is, that 
my minister related it to me just before start- 
ing on this trip.^’ 

“ Your what } inquired Hen. 

“ My minister,’^ replies Charlie. 

“ Oh r' 


A Drummer s Diary, 


59 


CHAPTER XIL 

“Here’s the extra Times! Horrible acci- 
dent on the rail ! Several lives lost and lots 
wounded ! is the cry of a newsboy. 

We purchase a copy of the paper and read 

the account of a fearful accident on the 

Railroad, down South. 

Among the killed was one commercial trav- 
eller, and we wonder if he has a wife and 
children waiting for his return. We can see 
his wife (in imagination) coming to the front 
door to receive the telegraph dispatch an- 
nouncing the accident. We can almost hear 
her cries of anguish and words of despair. 
Our own thoughts go home to those who are 
so dear to our hearts, and we can imagine the 
anxiety of the many wives all over this coun- 
try who are separated from their husbands by 
this mode of life. With all of the great re- 
sponsibility of taking care of a home, and the 
bringing up of children who are almost stran- 


6o 


Leaves from 


gers to their father, the constant anxiety and 
fear that the husband may be injured or killed 
in some dreadful accident, does not make a 
wife’s life a pleasant one. 

We look forward with impatience for the 
happy meeting at “home, sweet home.” We 
see the face of our best beloved watching at 
the window for the first sight. We hear the 
childlike prattle of our idolized boy as he 
lisps his tender welcome. We feel the em- 
braces of our wife and boy as they meet us at 
the gate, and tears of joy and gladness fill our 
eyes — yes, even if we are “ a drummer ! ” 

Did you ever lie in your berth in the 
sleeper, on the last day of a trip, when you 
were on the return home, and listen to the 
wheels as they murmured the soft refrain, 
“ Going home ! going home ! going home } ” 
And they do not go fast enough, no, not half 
fast enough, to curb the longing and impa- 
tience to see the dearest and best wife in the 
world. 

All of the many dangers which beset the 
traveller, the discomforts of poor hotels, the 
fear of illness on the road, the anxiety for 


A Dritnuners Diary, 6i 

those so dear and near, but yet so far away ; 
the hard work of selling goods to the trade, 
the many uncivil words received from dis- 
agreeable buyers, and the worry about the 
firm at home, if they are satisfied with your 
efforts — all these are not conducive to making 
the best dispositions in the world. You will 
hear some of the boys complain ot many 
things which go wrong and don’t suit them. 
They are designated as “ kickers.” But don’t 
blame them too much, their life is very dis- 
agreeable. A successful salesman secures a 
good trade only by very hard and persistent 
work, and that takes much vitality and nerve 
power. Let the boys kick ; it’s a kind of 
safety valve, and prevents explosion. 


62 


Leaves froin 


CHAPTER XIII. 

During all these years nearly every city in 
the South imposed a license tax upon com- 
mercial travellers who were non-residents of 
the State. 

Philadelphia, Baltimore, Richmond, Wash- 
ington, Chicago, St. Louis and some other 
cities had this unjust law, and many of the 
travellers were “ gobbled by detectives and 
in numerous instances obliged to pay the 
fine. 

Baltimore and Washington were the two 
cities, however, the most dangerous to visit 
without a yearly license. The sum demanded 
in Baltimore was $250, and in Washington 
$500 per year. The merchants joined forces 
with the city government and “gave the boys 
away’^ to the ever watchful detective, who re- 
ceived half of the fine for his services. 

Many a drummer has been forced to step 
up to the City Hall and “ plank” down a 


A Drummer s Diary. 63 

heavy fine, for selling goods in a free coun- 
try. These cities had an idea that by pur- 
suing this policy, they were benefitting the 
business of the resident houses. How any 
intelligent mind could believe that such an 
obnoxious law would be any protection to the 
home merchant is a mystery, for these extra 
expenses were added, in every instance, to 
the cost of manufacturing, and these same 
merchants paid for the license tax ultimately. 

Again, in every city where this law was en- 
forced, the resident merchant was unable to 
see all lines of goods, and purchased of only 
those houses which were able to afford a li- 
cense. Consequently, there was little or no 
competition, and goods were sold at a larger 
margin of profit. The buyer was not always 
posted as to the market prices and the latest 
assortment of seasonable goods or prevailing 
styles. 

Philadelphia enforced this tax during the 
war, and numerous agents who visited the 
city frequently paid the detective (?) a yearly 
sum, as blackmail to exempt them from arrest. 
The city derived no benefit from this tax, and 


64 


Leaves from 


the authorities abolished it after ascertaining 
the method employed by their salaried detec- 
tives. 

But Baltimore was the city where it was al- 
most an impossibility to escape the vigilance 
of the officers. A package under the arm of 
a stranger, was positive proof that he was sel- 
ling from samples. 

Ashley had his experience in this city, and 
many anxious moments he passed while try- 
ing to evade the tax. At the C Hotel one 

day, several commercial men were stopping, 
and to witness the careful manner in which 
they tried to appear in a different calling than 
that of a salesman, was comical in the ex- 
treme. One would imagine they were ‘‘green 
goods ” salesmen or a band of expert counter- 
feiters. If a friend stepped up behind and 
tapped one on the shoulder, the face became 
pale at once, and the knees trembled in fear 
of the dreaded officer with his demand to see 
the license. 

A practical joke was played upon one of 
the boys during these troublesome times. 

Jake Shurman was not the most popular 


A Drummer s Diary, 65 

drummer on the road, on account of his lack of 
generosity and his natural tendency to be 
always ready to accept favors from others. 
Some of the boys determined to have a little 
fun, and about ten of them in secret council 
made their plans, and proceeded to carry them 
out. 

A new arrival, Tom Murray, the Southern 
traveller for a New York photographic mate- 
rial house, was selected to .personate the de- 
tective, he being a perfect stranger to Shur- 
man. Posting themselves where they could 
watch the careful drummer as he sneaked up 
to his room, where his samples were displayed, 
they followed him noiselessly with the ama- 
teur detective. 

A knock on the door was tremblingly an- 
swered with “ Who’s there ? ” and the door 
was carefully opened about six inches. Mr. 
Detective placed his generous foot within the 
opening, and the following dialogue took 
place : 

“ Your name is Shurman, I believe, repre- 
senting a New York house, and you are sell- 
ing goods from samples ? ” 

5 


66 


Leaves from 


‘‘ Yes-ye-s, sir,” replied the frightened Jake. 

Have you a license, Mr. Shurman ? ” in- 
quired Tom. 

“ N-o-o, sir!” 

“Then open the door and consider your- 
self under arrest 1 ” commanded Tom. 

The do'ar was opened wide, and the pale 
and excited face of the drummer was a sight 
to behold. 

The boys kept in the background and lis- 
tened to the conversation. 

“ Say, Mr. Detective, c-can^t we — we fix this 
m-matter between ourselves and — and let me 
— off — this — this time ? ” 

“What!” replied Tom, “would you at- 
tempt to bribe me ? ” 

“ No — no — not exactly ; but — but if you 
will accept the — the sm-all sum of — of $io,l 
— I promise to leave the city — at once,” an- 
swered trembling Jake. 

At this moment the boys rushed into the 
room and said “ if Jake opened the wine, the 
detective, who was a friend of theirs, would 
probably let him off.” 

The color came back to his face, and the 


A Drummer s Diary. 67 

joke being understood, two bottles were 
called for, and drank with many a hearty 
laugh. But Jake never forgave the promoters 
of this joke, and after packing his trunks left 
the city, a sadder and wiser man. 

The Supreme Court of the United States 
has declared the tax unconstitutional, and no 
State laws can impose a license upon commer- 
cial travellers in any city in this country. 


68 


Leaves from 


CHAPTER XIV. 

. The members of the firm at home, who sit 
about the office and conduct one end of the 
business, do not always realize the efforts of 
their representatives upon the road. One of 
the firm may believe that all of the trade are 
anxious to buy the line manufactured by them, 
and it is the easiest matter in the world to 
obtain orders in every store called upon by 
the drummer. 

Another member believes that, on account 
of the firm’s great popularity, the trade are 
eager to purchase at all times and at any 
price. If one of these gentlemen could take a 
long schooling and go on the road himself, he 
would soon find out his mistake. 

The successful salesman is obliged to en- 
counter many hard trials before he is able to 
make sales every time on his territory. A 
traveller who had ten or twelve years’ experi- 
ence upon the road, once approached the head 


A Drnntmer s Diary, 69 

of the firm and requested a raise of salary. 
The demand was refused at once and in some- 
what of an abrupt and disagreeable manner, 
the employer remarking : “ Pshaw ! it’s not 
you who sell the goods, as the line sells itself. 
I could hire a thousand men to represent us 
upon the road and at half the salary we are 
paying you. No, sir ! ” 

A few months later, this same drummer ob- 
tained another situation, where his services 
were better appreciated, and at an advanced 
salary. The first year he succeeded in carry- 
ing almost his entire trade with him to the 
new house, and on account of the trade re- 
ceiving cordial and polite treatment, estab- 
lished the fact that the old house could not 
retain the business on its established reputa- 
tion. 

The great mistake is often made by houses, 
which do not allow themselves to see the fact, 
that the trade are in close communication with 
the salesman. The house may never see the 
faces of their customers. 

A traveller who is a judge of human nature, 
who understands all the little foibles of his 


70 


Leaves from 


customers, and in a long experience is able to 
attend to every want and requirement of his 
trade, is the promoter of the business which 
leads to success. 

The customer may decide to visit the city, for 
the purpose of calling upon the different firms 
with whom he has been dealingfor many years. 

What is his first experience } 

Upon entering a house, he is obliged to in- 
troduce himself, and, if one of the firm is 
busy, is turned over to the tender mercies of a 
junior clerk, who is a stranger to him and 
cares very Tittle if he buys a large or a small 
bill. The result is certainly apparent to 
everybody. 

If a traveller is doing his best, and the re- 
sult is perfectly satisfactory to a firm, acknowl- 
edge the fact and show that the drummer^s 
efforts are appreciated, not only by giving him 
kind words of encouragement and a reason- 
able salary, but an occasional friendly letter. 
Don’t send a sharp, “ nagging ” epistle, and 
find too much fault. 

When a drummer is working conscien- 
tiously, let the people at home find as little 


A DrtLmnicr s Diary 71 

fault as possible, as the most discouraging 
results often happen by his receiving unpleas- 
ant reprimands. 

It takes the courage out of a man's heart to 
receive a long letter full of complaints, and in 
many instances deters him from exerting him- 
self, when it appears that doing what he con- 
siders is for the best interest of the house, it 
is not understood or appreciated. If a trav- 
eller doesn't suit, call him home and employ a 
new one. 

Pleasant, confidential talks between the firm 
and the traveller often result in mutual benefit 
and a better feeling. 

The traveller should understand every re- 
quirement of the customer, and his judgment 
in many instances is of greater importance 
and of more value than many can imagine. 
Self-respect, love for the business, and ambi- 
tion to improve the amount of his sales, should 
always be the aim and intention of the 
traveller. 

Let the employer recognize this, and assist- 
ing the drummer by kindly treatment and an 
apparent appreciation, encourage him to extra 


72 


Leaves from 


efforts in doing his best at all times. A little 
sweetness will catch a fly, while vinegar has 
the opposite effect. 

At this time (1876) the stationers, book- 
sellers and kindred trades decided upon a 
fair, for the purpose of displaying their differ- 
ent lines under one roof, and invitations were 
extended to the trade all over the country to 
visit New York. It was a new idea and 
never attempted before. 

The trade was slow to recognize the great 
convenience, and the attempt was compara- 
tively a failure. Customers were “few and 
far between.’^ 

Business being very dull, practical jokes 
became the “fad’^ among the salesmen, and 
fun ran riot. 

One of the drummers was “ made up ” like 
a Southerner, and introduced to a publisher 
from “ down East,’’ who is noted for his 
genial smile and obesity of person. 

As the gentleman from Texas shook hands 
with Mr. Lotus, the boys whispered the joke 
along the line, and soon there were several 
hundred gathered around for an audience. 


A Druniiner s Diary. 73 

Mr. Lotus had been waiting three days, and 
this was the first opportunity he had of selling 
a bill of books. So eager was he to begin 
operations that he did not even notice the 
crowd of expectant listeners. 

‘‘ Mr. Austin, I’m delighted to meet you. 
I’ve heard of you often, but this is the first 
time I ever had the pleasure of meeting you.” 

Thanks,” replied Mr. Austin. ‘‘ I want a 
right smart lot of books for some Sunday- 
schools down our way.” 

Ah ! yes ; I have just what you require, 
my dear Mr. Austin.” 

‘‘ How much the price for those ? ” pointing 
to a line of books on the extreme back of the 
counters, and taking his long cigar from his 
mouth he expectorated upon one of the shiny 
boots of Mr. L. 

“ Those are %i each, less 40 per cent.,” re- 
plies Mr. L., hastily stepping back to escape 
the small Niagara from the mouth of the 
Texan. 

“Send me 100 assorted,” orders Mr. A., 
blowing a cloud of tobacco smoke into the 
face of the seller. 


74 


Leaves from 


‘‘ Yes, sir,’^ says Mr. L., wiping his weeping 
eyes. But those are all boys’ books ! ” 

“ Send me the same for the gals ! ” with 
another spit, and aiming for the other boot. 

One of the clerks, thinking* the joke had 
gone far enough, stepped up to the excited 
bookseller, and attempted to call his attention 
to the fact that he was being “ sold ” at the 
same time he was selling. 

‘‘ Go away and don’t interrupt me ! Don’t 
you see I am busy ? Now, my dear friend, 
let me show you these,” turning again to the 
bogus purchaser. 

At the same time he endeavored to reach 
a line of books at the very end of the counter, 
but his large ‘‘ corporation ” in front pre- 
vented him from accomplishing the feat, and 
his fingers grasped only thin air. 

This was too much ; the appreciative audi- 
ence exploded at once, and with many a 
hearty laugh, accompanied with wild hurrahs 
(during which the disguised drummer made 
his escape), the joke was understood and 
nicely acknowledged by Mr. Lotus with a 
short speech, thanking the audience for their 


A Driunmer s Diary, 75 

attention, etc. The next day ‘‘ the simon 
pure Mr. A. arrived from Texas, perfectly 
ignorant of the joke, and was taken at once 
to be introduced to the Boston publisher. 

“Now, boys,’^ said Mr. L., “you played 
that once yesterday, so don’t try it again. 
You can’t catch me this time, not if I know 
it ! ” 

And the thumb and fingers were gently 
“ wiggled ” in the face of the indignant would- 
be purchaser. This was the last time that 
Mr. Austin spoke to the publisher. He did 
not understand the joke, and the boys were 
afraid to explain it to him, for fear of the 
Texan habit of resenting an insult with a gun. 

Mr. L., the publisher, opened a bottle of 
wine that evening with the drummer who 
personated the Texan, and enjoyed heartily 
the first part of the joke, but rather objected 
to the second chapter. 


76 


Leaves from 


CHAPTER XV. 

The C Manufacturing Company was 

in existence about two years, and in the 
midst of success the company dissolved, on 
account of the president meeting with finan- 
cial disaster in outside speculations, and 
Charlie again found himself without a situa- 
tion. 

No opening presenting itself, he undertook 
to sell goods for various manufacturers upon 
the road, and styled himself “ a manufact- 
urers’ agent.” 

The experiment was fairly successful for 
one year ; but soon the manufacturers, many 
of whom were introduced to the trade for the 
first time by Ashley, concluded that they were 
paying too much commission on their sales, 
and endeavored to cut down the commissions 
one-half. This unreasonable treatment dis- 
gusted him so much that he determined to 
look for another situation, and soon found the 


A Driimnier s Diary, 77 

paper house of June, Soft & Co.; a new firm 
just starting in business. 

A three months’ experience with this firm 
on the road was not satisfactory to the trav- 
eller, and another house requiring his ser- 
vices, he at once accepted and entered upon 
his duties with pleasure, and a strong deter- 
mination to stick to the line for the rest of his 
life. A rolling stone gathers no moss.” 
His first trip was made over his old route 
through the State. 

Calling upon a certain house, the head of 
which had a life-long reputation for receiv- 
ing and treating the commercial tourist with 
insult and disrespect, Charles tried to over- 
come his repugnance, and do his best to sell 
a bill. His reception by Mr. Dustpan was 
as usual, and his card on presentation, thrown 
upon the floor. Ashley coolly stooped and 
picking it up remarked, that he might possi- 
bly use it on some future occasion,” and pro- 
ceeded to expatiate upon the styles and qual- 
ity of his line. 

‘‘Bring your samples in and I’ll look at 
them,” gruffly remarked Mr. D. “ I want 
something in your line.” 


78 


Leaves from 


“That is impossible, as I have 500 pounds 
of samples and they are displayed at the 
World’s Hotel, only half a block away from 
here,” politely answered Charles. “ I shall be 
pleased to have you call and look me over.” 

“If I’ve got to go to the hotel to look at 
samples, I’ll never see your line,” continued 
Mr. Dustpan. 

“ As far as I am concerned, sir, I fear you 
never will ! ” angrily answered Charlie, as he 
left the store. 

A week later, a postal card was received by 
the firm at home from Mr. D., with the com- 
plaint, that “ their drummer was too high 
toned to carry samples through the streets. 
Had to go to hotel or couldn’t see them.” 

“ On Charlie’s return home, he found this 
insulting card, and receiving permission to 
answer it, did so in the following manner : 

“New York, November 16, 18 — . 

“ Messrs. Dustpan & Co. : 

“Gentlemen: — The reputation that you 
have gained by your ungentlemanly treatment 
to the commercial traveller has nevefr been ex- 
aggerated. The evident intention you had 
in view in placing me in bad repute with my 


A Drummer s Diary. ^ 79 

house was a grand failure, as the firm concur 
with me that I was perfectly right to refuse 
you so unreasonable a request, and any one 
with the slightest common sense would agree 
with us. 

“ I would suggest, in conclusion, that in the 
future, if you have further complaints to 
make, you will select some other medium 
than a postal card to express your ill-breed- 
ing. 

• “Yours, etc., 

“ Chas. P. Ashley.’* 

It may be remarked in reference to this 
same firm, that it is unable to purchase of a 
number of houses, and is obliged to pay in 
many instances to-day, an increase of prices 
for various lines, all on account of the harsh 
and insulting treatment to the agents repre- 
senting several manufacturers and publishers 
in New York. 

Meeting “ Billy” Redham with his four- 
teen trunks of albums and blankbooks, 
John Vanderhorn, with a carload of fancy 
goods, Frank Alcock, who sells so many 
papeteries and ream goods that his house 
complains frequently that he takes too many 
orders, John Farlow, the “ song and dance ” 
drummer, and Jim Dates, with a lot of 


8o 


Leaves from 


pocket books, Charlie left in their pleasant 
company, on his way to City. 

Of course they obtained seats in a parlor 
car, nothing being too good for commercial 
travellers, as they desire the best of every- 
thing, and generally are successful in getting 
it. 

The boys filled the smoking compartment,* 
and soon began to tell some of the latest 
yarns. 

On arriving at City, en route, in 

walked John Polker, who sells frames and 
plush goods for a New York house, accom- 
panied by Fred Inkins, who is a good jolly 
story-teller and always tells the truth. 

And such a happy family, and what fun 
they had ! They were all good fellows and 
fast friends. 

‘‘Come, Fred, give us a good story and 
have it fresh.’' 

“All right. This is a true one and hap- 
pened to me last week : 

“ I called on Sunday night, as is my usual 
custom, on my best girl. After we got to- 
gether alone in the parlor I plucked up 


A Drimimer s Diary. 8i 

courage to tell her that all my days were full 
of every thought of her, and her only. 

“ Then I said, ‘ Dearest, will you be mine ? ’ 

“ And she said, ‘ I will.^ 

Then I caught her in my arms and pressed 
her drooping face close to my yearning 
breast. 

And did this really happen, Fred 

“ You bet ! True as gospel ! Fact, I assure 
you ! ” 

Then up spoke John Polker : 

“ Say, boys, have you heard about the man 
out West who has red, white and blue whis- 
kers r 

‘‘ No ! How^s that ? ’’ inquired a chorus. 

“ When he was young his whiskers were 
red : when old they turned white, and the 
wind ‘ blew’ through them.” 

“ Say, Frank ! Push the button, John’s got 
to treat after that.” 

“ All right ! Name your poison, boys.” 

ApoHinaris and lemon,” says Billy. 

“ Porter, bring seven bottles of — common, 
everyday beer for the rest of the crowd, and 
step lively,” orders John. 

6 


82 


Leaves from 


CHAPTER XVI. 

Everybody on the road is acquainted with 
“ Blow Hard ” Harrison, who represents one 
of the largest hardware firms in New York. 
Twenty-four years of drumming have not 
changed his habitual good nature, and the 
nickname of Blow Hard was not given him 
for visionary accounts of imaginary sales. 
His firm sent a cargo of guns several years 
ago to Nova Scotia, and selected the name of 
B. H. Harrison” as a trade name for the 
gun. A big storm sunk the ship and cargo, 
and all his friends credited the accident to the 
fact that the guns were designated as ‘‘ Blow 
Hards,” and the nom de phme has stuck to 
him ever since. 

In 1874 he reached Chicago and stopped 
at the Grand Pacific Hotel. All travellers 
remember the handsome clerk, Sam Turner, 
with his long flowing beard. Harrison was 
about starting upon a shooting expedition (as 


A Drummer s Diary, 83 

he IS noted for being a rine shot) and in- 
quired of Sam Turner if he should send him 
some game, if successful in shooting any. 

‘‘ Certainly,^’ replied Sam, send all you 
shoot.” 

Harrison started for Huron Island and vi- 
cinity, on the Mississippi River, and was gone 
eleven days. Soon the birds began to arrive 
at the hotel by express, in strings of half 
dozens. When Harrison returned to Chicago 
and the Grand Pacific Hotel, Sam Turner 
met him with the remark : 

Say, Harrison ! Do you think we feed 
our guests on nothing but ducks ? ” 

Why, what’s the matter ? ” innocently in- 
quired Harrison. 

“ Matter ! Matter ! Thunder and Mars ! 
Ducks have been coming here by cart loads. 
Why, I paid $27 expressage on them. Ducks ! 
Ducks ! Ducks ! The ice house is full of 
them ! ” 

“ How many did I send you ? You told 
me to express all I shot, and I followed out 
your instructions,” said Harrison. 

‘‘ How many did you send ? Great Scott ! 


84 


Leaves from 


Six hundred and eighty-four ducks, consist- 
ing of mallards, redhead, and teal : six wild 
geese and two swans. Enough to feed all 
the hotels in the city. Ducks ! Thunder and 
Mars ! Never mention ducks to me again 

While travelling upon the U. P. R. R. from 
K. C. to D. a sad incident occurred which 
cast a gloom over the entire lot of travellers 
in the sleeper. 

Ashley met Harrison and others on their 
way to California. 

When a party is bound ‘‘ overland it is 
generally the fact that all become well 
acquainted after the first day, and are as one 
family. 

A pale little fellow of about fourteen years 
of age was returning to his father, who was 
a physician in D., and everyone in the car 
became interested in him, partly on account 
of his suffering with asthma. While the 
boys were occupying the smoker, he sat with 
them and entered into conversation in refer- 
ence to his illness. When it came time to 
make up the berths, the boy directed the por- 
ter to have the pillows arranged so he could 


A Drummer s Diary, 85 

sit partly up, as when lying down, he was 
unable to breathe freely. Harrison had the 
lower berth immediately under the one occu- 
pied by the boy, and was awakened at about 
four o’clock in the morning, by a noise in the 
upper berth. Pushing back the curtains, he 
discovered the poor little fellow was suffering 
terribly and unable to breathe, as he had 
evidently slipped from the pillows during the 
night, down upon his back. With the assist- 
ance of some of the travellers, the ‘dying boy 
• was taken from the berth and placed in a 
sitting position, while the windows were 
quickly opened. Everything that these sym- 
pathetic drummers could do was tried, but, 
alas ! no human power could stay the hand of 
death, whose icy fingers were already laid 
upon the boy. He breathed his last in the 
arms of one of the commercial men, who 
tenderly closed his eyes, and prepared the 
remains for delivery into the hands of the 
bereaved father at D., who was awaiting the 
arrival of his idolized boy. There was no 
more laughter on that sad journey, for all felt 
the loss, even as of a friend. 


86 


Leaves fro77i 


CHAPTER XVIL 

“ Did you hear that story about the dude 
who became ‘ hard up ’ and met a drummer 
on the street in St. Louis ? inquired Ashley 
of Charlie Derby, whom he met in New York 

State, in the city of B . 

“ No. LePs have it.” 

“The drummer was walking on Fourth 
Street and a nervous young man, rather 
shabbily dressed, accosted him with, — 

“ * I beg your pardon, sir, but can you do 
anything to assist me a little to-day ? ^ 

“ ‘ No, sir, I cannot. I don^t encourage 
begging. Why don’t you work } Been 
burned out ? ’ 

“ ‘ No, sir.’ 

“ ‘ Sickness in your family ? Thirteen chil- 
dren to support ? ’ 

“ ‘ No, sir.’ 

“ ^ Forest fire or cyclone sufferer, or yellow 
fever victim ? ’ 


A Drummer s Diary, 87 

“ ‘ No, sir.’ 

‘ Blind parents to support ? * 

“ ‘ Oh, no. You see, I ’ — 

‘‘ ‘ Speculating in wheat deals ? ’ 

“ ^ No, nothing like that. I ’ — 

‘ Well, what in thunder is the trouble ? ' 

‘ You see, I was once a leader in society 
but, on account of the death of my father, 
have been thrown on my own resources. So 
if 1 could obtain a trifle ’ — 

“ ‘ Hold on ! I understand,’ broke in the 
drummer, with tears in his eyes, ‘ I didn’t 
believe your case was so bad at first. You 
are perfectly justifiable in applying to a drum- 
mer for charity, if ever man was. Here, take 
this,’ placing a large bill in the sufferer’s 
hand. ‘ Take it, and may God bless you. 
Go buy you a spike tail coat and a high col- 
lar. I am always ready and willing to assist 
a man in obtaining tools to carry on his busi- 
ness.’ 

“ That’s good,” said Derby. ‘‘ I heard a 
very good little poem, but you must be care- 
ful when you spring it on the boys to first 
ascertain their nationality : 


88 


Leaves from 


“ ‘ France has her lily, 

England her rose ; 

Ireland the shamrock, 

Jerusalem the nose ! ’ 

“ ‘ I’ll book that. By the way, that was 
funny about Mr. Docker, of San Francisco, 
who went fishing with some of the boys down 
the bay a few days ago. You see he had 
never caught a bluefish in his life, and was 
desirous to take the first lesson. While the 
yacht was tacking to and fro and the boys 
were pulling in the fish as fast as they could, 
Docker never felt a bite. Becoming very 
tired, he said to George Roeback : 

‘ Here, George, take this confounded 
line ; I haven’t had a nibble. I’m going into 
the cabin to take a nap. When a man fishes 
for bluefish and doesn’t get a darn bite, I fail 
to see where the fun comes in.’ 

“George pulled in Docker’s line, and there 
on the hook was a four-pound bluefish, dead. 
Drowned for the past half hour, and the Cal- 
ifornia fisherman never knew it.” 

“ That was funny,” said Derby. Speaking 


A Drummer s Diary, 89 

about sporting, have you heard the experience 
of Alfred Arthur and George Roeback ? 

‘‘ They are both enthusiastic sportsmen, as 
you well know, and frequently visit the lakes 
in Illinois. A few days ago while fishing, 
Arthur allowed his ‘bob^ to float quite a 
distance from the boat in which the two 
anglers were sitting. Suddenly he felt a 
vigorous jerk at his line, and began to reel 
in rapidly. 

‘‘ ‘ Thunder ! ’ said Arthur, ‘ What have I got 
now, I wonder? ’ 

“ ‘ Give him line ! ^ yells George. ‘ Give him 
plenty of line ! ' 

‘ Great Scott, but he’s a big one ! Ha ! 
Whoa ! ’ 

‘ Reel him in slowly,’ cautioned George. 

‘ Slowly ? Why, I can’t budge the mon- 
ster.’ 

“ ‘ Give him more line, then.’ 

‘ Ah ! Now I’ve got you. Come along, 
my beauty, into the boat, out of the wet,’ 
says Arthur, as he slowly reels the stubborn 
victim nearer the boat. Suddenly the water 
became agitated, and a large loon, which had 


go Leaves from 

swallowed the minnow attached to the ‘ bob ’ 
unnoticed by these two expert fishermen, flew 
into the air, and away went fishing tackle 
heavenward. 

‘‘ Arthur saved his rod and reel and some of 
his reputation, but if you meet him, handle 
him with gloves, and don’t ask particulars in 
regard to this episode. It’s really a fact and 
not a fish story.” 

Have you met any of the boys in town ? ” 
inquired Ashley. 

“ Yes ; met old ‘ Soda Ash ’ at dinner. I 
heard he was about getting married and began 
to offer my congratulations. He looked at me 
with a stony, ‘ sitting-for-your-photograph ’ cast 
of expression, and replied : ‘ Do I look like a 
man going to commit suicide ? I marry ! 
Why I can’t even retain a lady’s face long 
enough to remember ^her a second time, if I 
meet her on the street. Marry? You just 
deny that yarn, now and in the future. For- 
ever and ever. Amen.’ ” 

“ Well,” returned Ashley, ‘‘ suppose it 
would be awkward for him to forget his 
wife’s appearance and how she looked. 


A Drummer s Diary, 91 

especially when he returned home from a 
trip/' 

“ When do you leave town ? " asked Derby. 
“ I leave with a big crowd of the boys to- 
night, bound direct for C . Good by 

and good luck," answered Ashley. 

“ Good by." 

‘‘ So long ! " 

THREE DRUMMERS. 

“ Three drummers went drumming out into the West, 
Out into the West with ‘ prices down ; ^ 

Each blew of the sample that paid him best. 

And they blew from one end to the other of 
town, 

For jaws must wag 
•When prices are weak. 

And jaw must be sup- 
plemented by cheek. 

Yet they at the ‘ bar ’ stood groaning. 

“ Three drummers stood swearing from hour to 
hour — 

They’d made not a sale in the whole wide town ; 
They swore at their luck and they raved at the 
times ; 

Their names were Robinson, Jones and Brown. 

For jaws must wag 
When prices are weak. 

And jaw must be sup- 
plemented by cheek. 

Yet they at the ‘bar’ stood groaning. 


92 Leaves from 

“ Three corpses hung limp from their sample bag 
straps, 

Their sample bag straps and their prices down ; 
Three bosses are wailing their trades’ mishaps 
And the loss of Robinson, Jones and Brown. 

For jaws can’t wag 
And useless is cheek 
When drummers in thousands 
Go through in a week, 

Nor longer at the ‘ bar ’ stand groaning.’’ 


i 


A Drummer s Diary, 


93 


CHAPTER XVIII. 

While riding in a sleeper on a Western trip, 
an excited gentleman entered the car hur- 
riedly, and inquired : 

“ Is there a drummer in this car 't ’’ 

“ Yes, sir. I’m a commercial traveller,” 
replied “ Uncle Josh,” in an injured tone of 
voice. 

“ Ah ! Just loan me your whiskey flask. A 
lady has fainted in the next sleeper. 

After the departure of the gentleman with 
the desired article, they all looked at each 
other and wondered why he inquired for a 
commercial man. 

‘‘ Uncle Josh,” as he is called by all his in- 
timate friends, began to relate a little experi- 
ence of his own in a Western city, at a hotel 
where they employed ‘‘ young ladies ” to wait 
on the table. 

The ‘‘ lady ” approached our friend, and in 
a very gentle and tender manner politely com- 


94 Leaves from 

municated to him the menu for breakfast. 
After the meal was placed before him he dis- 
covered that there was a mistake, and in his 
most seductive tone of voice remarked : 

My dear miss, I ordered coffee, and you 
brought me tea.” 

Out of the dining-room the lady rushed, and 
the loud and angry tones of her voice reached 
him as he was sitting near the end of the room, 
and the petition was this : 

‘‘ Say ! that pink eyed dude of a drummer 
wants coffee instead of tea ; and,” continued 
Uncle Josh, ‘‘I place no more confidence 
in the gentle (?) sex in the future.” 

“ Do you know that jewelry drummer they 
call ‘Old Hundred?’ Most everybody has 
met him some time, and he is a hard worker. 
Some of the boys in his line played a joke, as 
they considered it, on him a few weeks ago — 
some old ‘ gag ’ introducing a customer who 
was a traveller. The boys carried the horse- 
play too far, for they induced ‘ Old Hundred ’ 
to open four quarts of Mumm’s Extra Dry to 
treat the supposed Southern buyer.” 

“ Well, that was a trifle mean,” said ‘ Slate 


A Dricminers Diary. 95 

Pencil Sam/ who was just starting out on a 
special trip. ‘‘ Suppose they were — ‘ Extra 
dry.’ 

It might have been in this case,” an- 
swered Charlie Little, who was selling pocket- 
books, but I know of one traveller who is so 
darned close and mean, that it served him right 
on one occasion, which I will relate : ” 

“ At Omaha some time ago, Charlie Ashley, 
John Hollowell and Tom Grimes were sitting 
at the breakfast table with ‘ Old Apollinaris,’ 
who sells cards and other holiday stuff. 

Said ‘ O. A.,’ ‘ Veil, I must hurry mine 
preakfast, as I haf a gustomer come putty 
quick, right avay soon.’ 

‘‘ ‘ Who^s coming ? ’ asked Ashley in a quiet 
tone. 

“ ‘ Mr. Ashley, I haf peen on der road dis 
ofer dwenty year and I dink I neffer gif mine 
pussiness avay to a gompetitor, as you are in 
some dings,’ ” was the reply. 

“ ‘ All right,’ returned Charlie ; ‘ keep him 
and put him on ice so he will keep all sum- 
mer,’ ” and left the table. 

Then up spoke John to Tom, in a confi- 


96 


Leaves from 


dential tone, and inquired if he had been to 

S City to sell that new house of Geo. W. 

Elliot & Co., just purchasing large bills for 
jobbing purposes, three drummers on the 
road, large and elegant store, etc. 

‘‘ ‘ Vat dit you zay der firm’s name vas ? ’ ’’ 
anxiously inquired ‘ O. A.’ 

“ He was informed by John and given full 
particulars, all of which were bogus, of course. 

‘ Veil, I dinks I vill go right avay up dere 
dis night,’ ” said ‘ O. A.,’ as he rose from the 
table. 

“ He went, and when he found that he was 
sold, and was obliged to catch a train out of 
the city at four o’clock in the morning,, he 
wanted to kick himself.” 

Served him right,” was the verdict of all. 

“ Wasn’t he the same one the boys caught 
in Chicago ? ” inquired Uncle Josh.” 

‘‘ Yes. A traveller was introduced to Old 
Apollinaris,’ representing a Grand Rapids 
jobbing firm. When the joke exploded, the 
victim was induced to ‘ set ’em up ’ for the 
boys. They wanted wine, but he positively 
refused, as it ‘ vas too oxbenzive.’ 


97 


A Drummer s Diary. 

“ Ten of the boys walked up to the bar, led 
by John Hollowell, and he ordered ^ best 
brandy and a bottle of imported ginger ale/ 
The line all said, ‘ Same,^ and the poor fellow 
had a big bill to pay — about $8. He took 
beer, I believe. It ^ vas cheeber ! ^ 

What has become of hrm ? asked Little. 

** Oh, he is on the road yet, but has nothing 
to do with the drummers,” answered ‘‘ Curt ; ” 
‘‘ they are too ‘ oxbenzive.’ ” 

Let’s all turn in and go to bed.” 

“All right.” 

“ Good-night ! ” 

“ Good-night ! ” 

“ Anything left in that flask for a night-cap, 
Uncle Josh ? ” inquired Sam. 

“ Not a drop ; that lady in the other sleeper 
must have been very ill, as she left nothing 
but the flask.” 

“ Good-night, all.” 

As the boys were about to retire to their 
lower berths and prepare for a night’s sleep, a 
fat old gentleman, weighing about 250 pounds^ 
with a shiny bald head, occupying No. 5 upper, 
climbed down the step-ladder which was lean- 


7 


98 


Leaves from 


ing against his berth. While he was at the 
end of the car obtaining a drink of water, 
Uncle Josh quietly placed the ladder against 
No. 7, and all the travellers sprang behind 
their curtains to await developments. The 
fat old gentleman came ‘‘waddling’^ along, 
and being half asleep, did not notice that the 
ladder had been changed, and immediately 
proceeded to climb into upper 7. 

All at once the most blood-curdling yell 
came from the occupant, a maiden lady of 
some forty-five winters, who wore cork-screw 
curls and had been apparently disgusted the 
entire day at the levity of the commercial 
men. 

Murder ! Oh, you wretch ! Fire ! Po- 
lice ! ! Help ! ! You baldheaded old rep- 
robate ! Porter ! Help ! ! Murder-r-r ! '' and 
then tumbled out the F. O. G. from the berth, 
flat on his back, the blood streaming from 
numerous wounds on his cranium, inflicted by 
the sharp nails of the excited lady. The por- 
ter ran quickly to the old gentleman and 
helped him to his feet. Then placing the 
ladder in front of No. 5, the porter assisted 


A Driimvier s Diary, 99 

the doughty knight (who called him A blank- 
blank-blankity-blank ! ”) to his own quarters. 

The car became quiet, excepting smothered 
laughter from the occupants of some of the 
lower berths. The lady in upper 7 regained 
her composure after being informed that it 
was all a mistake ; the old party iDegan to 
snore, and the boys fell fast asleep. 

The black porter, however, sat at the end of 
the car, busily polishing the boots, but keeping 
a watchful eye on the mischievous drummers. 

The next morning the train stopped at 

City. 

“ Twenty minutes for breakfast,’’ cried the 
porter. 

The commercial men filed into the dining- 
room and took seats at one table. The old 
gentleman and the elderly female sat at 
another table, glaring at each other from 
opposite sides. 

A red headed waitress stepped up to the 
travellers and rattled off the bill of fare, as 
usual. 

Have you any red-headed duck with 
white horseradish ? ” inquired Sam« 


lOO 


Leaves from 


No, you nasty, horrid thing!’’ angrily 
replied the fair one. 

A peal of laughter greeted this passage at 
arms, and the duty of eating a hurried break- 
fast began and soon finished. 

On returning to the car, Ned Swan, the 
book publisher, Arthur Felch, in the same 
line, and Dwight Berry, were all sitting in the 
smoking compartment, they having just got on 
the train on their way to the same city as the 
others. 

Everybody was glad to greet everybody, 
and soon all hands were enjoying a cigar and 
taking things easily, as a traveller knows so 
well how to do, when not selling goods. 

The new comers laughed • heartily at the 
episode of the previous evening, and enjoyed 
the “ white horse ” story at the restaurant. 

That reminds me of a tale,” remarked 
Ned Swan. 

A French waiter tip-toed up to a country 
customer in a cafe one day and inquired : 

^ What vill monsieur haf ? Une omelette 
et des pommes de terre ? ’ 

‘ No sirree,’ answered the countryman. 


A Drummer s Diary. loi 

‘ I don’t want none of your French frills. 
Give me eggs and potatoes every time, and a 
plate of baked beans.’ ” 

While I was out West in City,” said 

Arthur Felch, a dandy chap sat at the same 
table with me, and found lots of fault with the 
darky waiter, sending him a number of un- 
necessary times for different articles of food, 
and ‘ kicking ’ continually. After he left the 
hotel I inquired of the waiter if “ the kicker ’ 
had ‘ tipped ’ him before leaving. ‘ No, 
boss I He didn’t. But golly, sar-he ! he ! 
he ! — I done just got square wid him, 
sar ! ’ ” 

“ While I was in City,” commenced 

Dwight, ‘‘ a very comical thing occurred in a 
customer’s book store. The young lady clerk 
while waiting upon a customer, was busily 
engaged in looking over the shelves, evidently 
in search of a volume inquired for, and 
entirely ignorant of its nature or whereabouts. 
At length she came back to the office and 
inquired of the head of the firm : 

“ ‘ Mr. B. , can you tell me if we have ‘ A 
Bundle of Puppies Out West ? ’ 


102 


Leaves from 


‘‘The customer desired the English work, 
‘ Bumblepuppy on Whist,’ and was supplied 
by the boss, with a smile.” 

“ That’s very good,” said Ashley. “ I met 
my old friend Nosir, of the firm of Nosir & 
Tiger, who travels all through the State and 
is quite a smart salesman, if he is one of the 
firm. He was relating a story which really 
transpired on a trip. Several of the commer- 
cial travellers were together in the car and, 
as usual, trying to enjoy themselves. At a 
way station, a young married lady came into 
the car, carrying a wee little baby, which was 
evidently the first and only one. After 
arranging herself in a comfortable seat, the 
young mother discovered that the window was 
open in front, and politely tapping the gentle- 
man occupying the seat on the shoulder, 
said : 

“ ‘ Please, sir, will you kindly close the win- 
dow ? It blows on baby.’ 

“ The gentleman complied with the request 
at once, and shut the window. In about five 
minutes, the young mother discovered the 
ventilators were open, and called the brake- 


A Drummer s Diary. 103 

man to her side with the request : ‘ Please 
close the ventilators. The air blows on 
baby.’^ 

The boys caught on at once, and began to 
chaff each other with facetious remarks about 
the new baby, such as “There she blows ! 

“ Baby mine ! etc. 

“ Soon the conductor came through and ac- 
cidentally left the door of the car open. 

“ ‘ Say ! ’ was the chorus. ‘ Hey ! Con- 
ductor! Come back and close the door. 
The air will blow on baby ! ^ 

Great sensation the result.’^ 

“ Speaking about babies,’^ said Ned, “ Did 
you hear about Charlie Bitter ? While he 
was away on a long Western trip he received 
a telegram from home announcing the arrival 
of his first son and heir. Charlie was happy 
as a king, but with such a heart-longing for 
a sight of his first-born, that he was almost 
unfitted for business. He talked about noth- 
ing else, and even inquired of a customer, 
while writing down an order, ‘How many 
babies did you say ? ’ when the happy father 
meant albums. He was telling me that he 


104 Leaves from 

dreamed he was home once more with his be- 
loved wife, and held the little new-comer in 
his arms with that delight which only comes 
to a father for the first time. He awoke and 
found himself passionately hugging the pillow. 
Alas ! ^Twas but a dream.^’ 


A Drummer s Diary, 


105 


CHAPTER XIX. 

‘‘ One of the most incorrigible practical 
jokers/’ said Charlie Ashley, ‘‘ was Gus 
Drower, who travelled for a photograph firm 
in New York. Everybody loved him, for with 
all his fun, his heart was always in the right 
place, and^he was ready at all times to do a 
kindness to any one in misfortune. He was 
‘ everybody’s friend.’ 

Entering a millinery establishment one day, 
he walked up to the young saleslady, and, 
while pretending to be deaf, inquired : 

“ ‘ Have you any nails ? ’ 

' “ ‘ No, sir,’ answered the astonished sales- 
lady. 

“ ‘ Well, I want some of the long ones ; ten- 
penny nails they call ’em.’ 

“ ‘ We don’t keep nails in this store ; we sell 
millinery,’ replied the lady. 

“ ‘ Hey ? ’ inquired Gus, making an ear 
trumpet of his hand. 


io6 Leaves from 

“ ‘ I said we don’t keep nails/ said the lady 
in a louder tone. 

“ ‘ Well, if you haven’t the tenpenny size a 
smaller kind will do.’ 

“ ‘ But we don’t sell any nails here. This is 
a bonnet store,’ shouted the damsel. 

“ ‘ By all means, my dear, do them up in a 
wooden box, if you haven’t strong paper,’ 
answ'ered the provoking joker. 

“ ‘ We — don’t — have — any — nails — I — tell — 
you ! ’ yelled the victim at the top of her voice, 
shouting out one word at a time. 

“ ‘ Haven’t any nails ? Then what do you 
scratch with, my dear ? ’ 

“ Gus quickly escaped by a side door, and 
the lady fainted.” 

Arriving at the city of L , the commer- 

cial travellers went to the hotel, and after 
rooms were assigned them, began to attend 
to business at once. They met quite a num- 
ber of friends stopping at the same hotel — 
Gus Drower, the practical joker ; Frank Jame- 
son, the blankbook salesman ; Billy Dicks, 
who sold stationery ; McPenlan, representing 


A Drummer s Diary. 107 

an English publishing house; Dick Jonas, 
Will Bridge, and Iliad Beach. 

After the day’s business, Gus met the boys 
and whispered to them, that he had a new 
idea, and displayed a huge snapping turtle 
which he had concealed in a box. He had 
discovered that a Frenchman was occupying 
the room next to his own, and that the door 
connecting had been accidentally left un- 
locked. The crowd ascended to Gus’ room, 
and he quickly entered the next apartment. 
Placing the turtle between the sheets of the 
Frenchman’s bed, he returned to the boys, 
and after opening the transom and turning 
down the gas in his own room, awaited the 
foreigner’s coming. 

Footsteps soon were heard and Frenchy ” 
entered his room, lighted the gas, and prepared 
to retire. The jokers heard him turn off the 
gas and jump into bed. Suddenly there was 
a yell such as only a Frenchman can give. 
“ Ouch ! Sacre ! Portaire ! Oahre ! Mon 
Dieu ! I haf hear dat de bed-bug vas big in 
dis countree, but I nevar see so big a bed-bug 
before. Sacre ! ” 


io8 Leaves from 

And they could hear him jumping around 
on one foot, evidently caressing his bitten toe. 
Looking carefully over the transom, they saw 
the turtle first stick out its head from the shell, 
and then the tail, to the wonderment of the 
excited Frenchman, who exclaimed : 

Ouch ! I know not if I am bit or if I am 
sting ! '' 

A window opened, and the sound of a drop- 
ping turtle to the court below was heard. The 
gas was again extinguished, and silence pro- 
claimed the return to bed of the poor victim. 

After enjoying the fun and discomfiture of 
the Frenchman, a quiet little game of poker 
was proposed, and several of the travellers sat 
down to an hour’s amusement, after closing 
the transom of the next room. 

‘‘ No large game, Gus ; only 5 cent limit.” 

‘‘ All right.” 

‘‘ Give me one ‘ case ’ worth.” 

“ Whose deal ? ” 

Say ! Who’s short a chip ? ” 

“ Whose ante ? ” 

‘‘ Don’t forget the widdie.” 

“ How many cards do you want? ” 


A Drumuier s Diary, 109 

‘‘ Mac, put up or shut up/’ 

‘‘I raise you, John, a chip.'*’ 

“ All in ! Make it a jackpot.” 

‘‘ I open it for a bone.” 

‘‘ Yours ” — etc., etc., etc., etc., was the style 
of conversation. 

The one hour grows into two, then three, 
and at midnight they all retire to their rooms, 
as all good travellers should do. 

‘‘ Good night, all ! ” 

“ We’ll breakfast at 8 o’clock prompt, re- 
member.” 

“ Good night.” 

‘‘Ta, ta! old fellow.” 

“ Good night, all 1 ” 


I lO 


Leaves from 


CHAPTER XX. 

On April lo, 1880, Charlie Ashley received 
orders from his house to prepare his samples 
in condensed form, and engage passage for a 
European trip. Many articles manufactured 
by his firm had never been seen in the other 
country, and he was selected to introduce the 
line to a foreign market. Everything being 
ready, samples carefully selected and trunks 
packed, on May ist he sailed in the ‘‘ Bri- 
tannic,” White Star Line, bound for Liverpool. 

As he bade farewell to his native land for 
the first time, and said his last ‘‘ good-bye ” to 
the loved ones who were gathered upon the 
pier to see l\im sail away, he could not re- 
strain the emotion of sadness at the idea of 
a long separation from his family. The feel- 
ing was so entirely different from that of 
taking a journey in his own country he was 
unable to suppress the tears, which in spite of 
himself filled his eyes at the thought of parting. 


A Drummer s Diary. 1 1 1 

“ All hands on shore not going ! was the 
order, and soon the large steamer was moving 
slowly out into the stream and down the bay. 
Standing on deck watching the friends and 
loved ones as long as the eye could dis- 
tinguish them, and waving his handkerchief 
in response to theirs, the last lingering 
fond Farewell ” was signalled by our traveller. 
Charlie began to look about the steamer, 
and as luck would have it, discovered several 
friends who were on their regular trip to 
Europe, bound on a different errand however, 
that of buying goods instead of selling. Af- 
ter shaking hands with extreme pleasure with 
the old-time traveller, Charlie Platt, who was 
on his annual trip to purchase new fancy 
goods for the holiday season, he discovered 
another traveller, N^t Bear, who was interested 
in the button trade. Introduction to many 
others on board soon made all more con- 
tented and happy. Seats at the table were 
soon assigned to the passengers by the purser^ 
so that friends could be together during the 
voyage, and the first meal was taken on board. 

After passing Sandy Hook and steaming 


I 12 


Leaves front 


out upon the wide ocean, some of the pas- 
sengers began to realize the fact that they 
were not on dry land, and the sensation of 
sea-sickness began to develop itself in many 
instances. Some retired to the seclusion of 
their staterooms, while others reclined in 
their steamer chairs upon deck, to enjoy the 
balmy air of the sea. 

Inside the smoking room sat a merry party 
of gentlemen, some engaged in the seductive 
game of poker, while others were reading and 
talking, but all enjoying the after-dinner cigar. 
In one corner sat Ashley, surrounded by 
Charlie Platt, Nat Bear, and a number of 
others. Calling the smoking-room steward, 
cups of black coffee were ordered and quickly 
served on small tables. Good humor reigned 
supreme, and the commercial men began to 
relate various stories of their personal experi- 
ences while travelling over the country. 

‘‘ I tell you, boys,’’ began Charlie Platt, 
“ travelling is now entirely different compared 
with the old days when I began upon the road 
as a salesman. Now every convenience and 
luxury that money can buy, good hotels, com- 


A Drummer s Diary, 113 

fortable sleeping cars, etc., make travelling a 
pleasure. 

“ Some twenty-five years ago, while a resi- 
dent of North Carolina, I worked the entire 
state with a team of horses. Previous to this 
time, in the primitive days of travelling, the 
commercial tourist did his ‘ drumming ’ upon 
the back of a horse, with a pair of saddle- 
bags that contained his samples. One au- 
tumn afternoon when within about ten miles 
of my destination, I was overtaken by a 
severe rain and wind storm, accompanied 
by terrible lightning and loud peals of 
thunder. My horse became greatly fright- 
ened, and as the lightning flashed and the 
thunder rolled, stood stock still, while trem- 
bling in every limb. The rain was terrible, 
and I tried to look through the gathering 
gloom in hopes to discover some shelter for 
man and beast. A log cabin ‘Jiove in sight,’ 
one of those old Southern homes, with the 
chimney on the outside, the entire house con- 
sisting of one room. An elderly lady with a 
calico dress and cape bonnet to match, was 
discovered at the door of the cabin. 


8 


114 Leaves from 

“ ‘ Halloo ! ^ I cried, ‘ can I get to stay here 
all night ? ’ 

‘ Well, stranger, I’m a lone widder with 
two daughters, but I reckon you kin if you 
will mind your own critter, as we-uns don’t 
got a man about to help you-uns,’ came back 
the answer. 

“ I was only too glad to avail myself of 
this opportunity, and had just time to stable 
my horse in a thatched wood-house when 
the heavens opened and a second deluge 
began. 

“The old lady received me at the door 
with true Southern hospitality, and provided a 
frugal meal of fried bacon and hoe cake, 
washed down with coffee flavored with ‘long 
sweetening.’ After supper I sat down in 
front of the fireplace, and had a social pipe 
with the mother, and commenced to entertain 
her and the daughters with the latest news of 
the city, and truthful yarns from the prolific 
store of a man on the road. At about eight 
o’clock it was suggested that it was getting 
late, and after stirring up the light-pine 
knots ’ on the hearth, the old lady bluntly re- 


A Driinuner s Diary. 1 1 5 

marked, ‘ Stranger, will you-uns look towards 
the fire ? the gals want to lay down.’ 

‘‘Being a one-room cabin with three beds, 
one for the ‘ Ma,’ and one for the ‘gals,’ 
the other was for the ‘stranger within their 
gates.’ I found it convenient to look after 
my ‘critter’ for a few minutes, so as to allow 
them time to retire, and after smoking another 
pipe on the outside, soon returned within, and 
retired for the night and a sweet sleep of a 
tired traveller. 

“ Early the following morning, after a break- 
fast of bacon and hominy, I said ‘ good-bye ’ 
to my friends, after presenting them with a 
few trifles from my samples, and continued 
my journey. I tell you, my boys, ‘ drumming ’ 
for trade in the old days, was ‘hard trials 
and great tribulations.’ ” 

“Your story reminds me of an experience 
which occurred many years ago, when I was 
starting out in the insurance business, down 
in Virginia,” commenced an insurance man. 

“ I was obliged to canvass some of the 
smaller towns, and came across a German in 
the town of A , upon whom I tried my best. 


Leaves from 


1 16 

and in my blandest manner endeavored to 
have him take out a policy. After asking his 
name and residence, I inquired : 

“ ‘What’s your occupation ? ’ 

“‘Hey?^ 

“ ‘ What’s your trade, business you know ? ’ 

“ ‘ Pishness 't Veil, I don’t got some pish- 
ness now, since mine bardner he vos runned 
avay mit der sausage schopper. I vos make 
der bologna sausage.’ 

“ ‘ Oh ! I see ; ’ said I. ‘ You are a provi- 
sion dealer.’ 

“ ‘Yah, dot ish all righdt.’ 

“ ‘ Age of father, if living ? ’ 

“ ‘Veil, lit me saw. If he vas leifen, he yill 
be ein hundert I dinks. Put he vas gone 
doad some vorty year.’ 

“ ‘ Oh ! I see. Well, is your mother liv- 
ing?’ 

‘“Veil, I dell you how dot vas. Mein 
Moder dot shpank me already ven I vos von 
littel schap, she vos runned avay mit a circus 
mans, and den mein fader he vos marry der 
Oder voman dat vos cook by der hodel, and 
I don’d kin dell you aboud dot meinself.’ 


A Drummers Diary-. 117 

“ ‘ Are you married ? ^ I inquired. 

‘‘‘NeW 

“ ‘ What amount of insurance do you wish 
to apply for ? ’ 

“ ‘ Veil, how much I can got ? ' 

“ ‘ Oh, any sum you wish.’ 

“ ‘Veil, I dinks I vill dook dirteen hundred 
tollars.’ 

“ ‘ All right. What plan? ’ 

“ ‘ Vot ish dot you call him ? ’ 

“ ‘ In what way do you wish to insure ? ’ 

“ ‘ Oh veil ! I don’d vos bardicklor about 
dot. I dinks I vill dook bard ov der monish 
in pig monish, and der reshtin shmall monish.’ 

“ ‘ Yes, but the money is not paid, you 
know, until you are dead.’ 

“ ‘ Vot ? Vot goot dot monish vill do me, 
und I vas dead all der dime, eh ? ’ 

“ ‘ But the object of insurance, as I ex- 
plained to you, is to provide for the widow 
and orphan.’ 

“ ‘ Vot ish dot you call orphan ? ’ 

“ ‘ An orphan is one who has lost his father 
and mother.’ 

“ ‘ Veil, dat vas me, meinself.’ 


ii8 


Leaves from 


“ ‘ Yes, but you insure for the benefit of your 
own widow and orphans.’ 

“ ‘ Veil, but I don’d got some vidder und 
orphan meinself.’ 

“ ‘ I see, you don’t understand the workings 
of life insurance.’ 

“ ‘ Der vorkings ! ’ 

“ ‘ Yes. Suppose you and your lady friend 
Katrina w^re to get married.’ 

“ ‘Yah. I dinks ve vill.’ 

“ ‘ And after a time, you were to die and 
leave her a destitute widow — ’ 

“ ‘ Nein, she vill den be a Gherman vidder 
by dot.’ 

“ ‘ Well, a German widow. Now, I suppose 
you love your Katrina ? ’ 

“ ‘ Yah.’ 

“ ‘ Well, an insurance policy will enable you 
to leave her some money.’ 

“ ‘ Veil den, vot goot vill dot do me mein- 
self?’ 

“ ‘ True, but it will make her happy.’ 

“ ‘ Vot for I shall make her happy, und I ish 
gone dead ? It makes me mad ov she ish den 
happy.’ 


A Drummer s Diary, 


119 

“ ‘ But— 

“ ‘ Now see here, mein frent, I dinks you 
mek a mistake mit me. Mebbe id ish besser 
you go righdt avay, pefore I go so more mad, 
or I kick you quick oudt.^ 

“ I left him in disgust and gave the job up. 
That was many years ago, but I remember 
the circumstances, as if it occurred but yester- 
day, and often wonder at my youthful patience 
and perseverance.^’ 

“I had a funny experience,” commenced 
Nat Bear, ‘‘ during my last visit to Paris. 
Our linn was anxious to obtain samples of 
various styles of buttons that are manufact- 
ured in France and Germany. It was utterly 
impossible to buy samples, and the only way 
to catch a sight of the new lines was to give a 
large import order, and this involved a big 
outlay of money. You see, we manufacturers 
in America make a similar line, but it’s neces- 
sary to see new styles of coloring, to be able 
to produce the same goods for our own 
country. While in Paris, through a ‘ Com- 
missionaire,’ I succeeded in viewing several 
lines.^ but was unable to obtain a single 


120 


Leaves front 


sample. The Frenchmen are particularly 
wary, and quite suspicious as regards their 
samples going out of their sight. I speak 
French fluently, and succeeded in inducing 
one agent to leave his boxes of sample cards 
with me over night. I found among them 
exactly what I wanted, and as I was to leave 
Paris the following morning, I succeeded in 
abstracting a few buttons, by the aid of a 
sharp knife. The sample boxes were returned 
the following day, while I was on my way to 
England, to my ‘ Commissionaire,’ who wrote 
me subsequently that his ofiice was visited by 
a crowd of excited Frenchmen who clamored 
for my blood, and so Vve let my beard grow 
this time that they may not recognize me on 
my arrival.” 

The second day on the steamer was but a 
repetition of the first. A walking match, pitch- 
ing quoits and other social games whiled the 
hours away. Passed several icebergs and 
sighted a number of ships and steamers. 
When night came on, after dinner, the smok- 
ing saloon was full of passengers, and numer- 


A DriLDimer s Diary, 12 1 

ous stories were told while smoking the fra- 
grant cigar. 

Arrived at Liverpool, after a run of seven 
days, nineteen hours and two minutes, one of 
the fastest trips made at that time, Ashley 
and his friends were glad to feel terra 
firma under their feet, and went to the railway 
station at once to purchase tickets for London. 


122 


Leaves from 


CHAPTER XXL 

Ordering his “ luggage to be properly 
labelled, and giving it in charge of a porter, 
Ashley saw it placed in the ‘‘van/^ No 
brass checks are used in Europe, and the 
traveller is obliged to personally claim his 
baggage, on arrival at destination. After 
selecting a “ first-class,’’ he took his seat in 
the “ carriage,” and was soon on his way to 
London, in company with his friends Platt 
and Bear, and other passengers from the 
steamer. There was one occupant of the 
compartment whom the others believed to be 
a preacher, so solemn was his appearance. 
He was about fifty years of age, and after 
making several remarks which were sprinkled 
with Scriptural quotations, it was unanimously 
decided that he was a minister. Several 
stories were started, and the minister (?) re- 
marked : 

“ I should judge by your conversation that 


A Drummer s Diary, 123 

you gentlemen were commercial men. Praise 
be to God, I’m one, and have followed the 
road for many years.” 

The travellers expressed their surprise, and 
the dismal traveller continued : 

“You were remarking that our customers, 
God bless them ! don’t always receive you 
with courtesy and respect. They sometimes 
are quite disagreeable. Heaven forgive them ! 
in many ways. One may agree to an inter- 
view, but will dismiss you with a shrug of the 
shoulders, and the stereotype remark, ‘ Don’t 
want anything/ or ‘ Don’t buy of commercial 
men.’ I remember a little circumstance 
which occurred many years ago in the city of 
Birmingham, when I was quite a young man, 
strong and muscular. I encountered a shop- 
man, and endeavored to sell him a bill of 
goods. He received me, bless you ! with a 
supercilious stare, his thumbs inserted in each 
arm-hole of his waistcoat and elevated his 
nose to an angle of ninety degrees, as I ap- 
proached him with the common courtesies of 
the day. 

‘No use,’ said he, ‘ no use calling on me. 


124 


Leaves from 


as I don’t buy of commercial men, and I’m 
not open for any goods.’ 

“ And he said it, Heaven forgive him, with 
such a bitter, insolent tone, that my ‘ dander ’ 
was up in a second. I felt my face grow livid 
with anger, as I replied : 

‘‘ ‘ Say, would you like to see a bit of 
muscular Christianity .? ’ as I thrust my fist 
finder his nose. 

“ ‘ Come, don’t give me any such rot as that ! 
I want no truck that you sell,’ said he. 

‘ Friend,’ said I, ‘ blessed are the peace- 
makers ; wilt thou kindly feel these knuckles 
of mine ? ’ 

‘‘ ‘ Not I ! They may be cast-iron for any- 
thing I care,’ said he. 

“ ‘ My friend, they are cast-iron. Try them ! ’ 
and as I said this, I hit out straight from the 
shoulder for the shopman’s face, and then 
calmly and deliberately surveyed the result of 
my forcible argument. Carmine is a brilliant 
hue, and in his turned-up nose that color pre- 
vailed. 

“ ‘ You’ll have to-to p-p-pay for this, I can tell 
you,’ said he, trembling with fear and anger. 


A Drummer s Diary. 125 

“ ‘ Cheap at five pounds, my friend. In 
future you’ll perhaps be civil,’ 1 answered. 

“ Explanations and apologies followed, and 
we healed the wounds over a bottle of wine. 
The lesson had a lasting effect, and ever after- 
wards he was the very personification of true 
Christian meekness. Praise the Lord ! ” 

The narrative was heartily enjoyed, and 
after the clerical looking friend had cemented 
the new friendship by producing a large bottle 
of Scotch whiskey and insisting that the boys 
should “keep him company,” Ashley began 
to relate a story as follows : 

“ I promised to tell you one of my personal 
experiences while on the professional stage. 
I was called upon at very short notice to play 
the part of the innkeeper, in the musical 
drama ‘ The Rose of Castile.’ The part was 
given me in the morning and I was obliged to 
‘ go on ’ in the evening without a rehearsal, 
nor did I know any of the stage business, etc. 
It was at the Olympic Theatre, and Mrs. John 
Wood was lessee and manageress, while I was 
playing ^general utility’ for $7.00 per week. 
I wore the ‘ togs ’ of the sick actor whose 


126 


Leaves from 


part I had taken at such short notice, and 
they fitted me ‘ too quick/ being very much 
too large for my small frame. The wig also 
came down to the bridge of my nose, and 
taking it altogether, I made a most comical 
appearance. The chorus had been sung by 
the villagers, and I walked ‘ U. C. ’ to the 
bridge, where I made my first speech, then 
returned to ‘ O. P.’ side to await the entrance 
of Mrs. John Wood and Miss Louisa Myers, 
who were playing the two leading singing 
parts. Mrs. Wood inquired of me, the land- 
lord of the inn, if they could obtain accommo- 
dations, and my lines in reply were : 

‘‘ ‘ Yes ! There stands my inn, under 
whose hospitable roof no man, woman or 
child ever asked for anything and didn’t get 
it, provided they had the money to pay for it.’ 

But alas ! Just as I had got to the word 
‘ hospitable,’ I could not speak it correctly, 
and hesitated, stumbled, and as the blood left 
my face, I felt faint as death itself. To add 
to my stage-fright, Mrs. Wood gave one 
glance at my funny appearance, and laughed 
until she cried. I felt as if I was going to 


A Drummer s Diary, 127 

sink through the stage, and rushed from the 
‘front’ as fast as my trembling legs would 
carry me, down to my dressing room. Will 
you believe me, I was deathly sick at my 
stomach, and wished I could die at once. This 
was the first and only time I ever experienced 
‘ stage fright.’ But oh ! it’s awful ! ” 

“You played in quite a number of plays, 
did you not ? ” inquired Charlie Platt. 

“Yes, indeed. My first appearance was in 
‘ Martin Chuzzlewit,’ when I doubled a part 
and sang a song. After leaving the profes- 
sional boards, I became a member of several 
amateur societies, and appeared as Chas. Court- 
ley in ‘ London •Assurance.’ Also, in the 
same play I have taken the part of Dazzle, 
on several occasions. I have played in ‘ Mon- 
ey,’ ‘ Woodleigh,’ ‘Mask and Faces,’ ‘Old 
Heads and Young Hearts,’ ‘ Old Scrooge,’ 
■' Marble Heart,’ ‘ The Busybody,’ ‘ Our 
Boys,’ ‘Time and the Hour,’ ‘Caste,’ 
‘ Alone,’ ‘ Scrap of Paper,’ ‘ Used Up,’ 
‘The Outcast,’ ‘La Somnambula,’ ‘My 
Precious Betsey,’ ‘The Liar,’ ‘Little Daisy,’ 
and a number of other plays.” 


128 


Leaves from 


“Why did you not continue to follow the 
boards ? ’’ inquired Nat. 

“ Fate was against mef replied Ashley, 
“ and a drummer’s life I’ve led for all these 
many years, and I suppose I shall continue to 
be one until I ‘ shuffle off this mortal coil.’ ” 

The time passed quickly and pleasantly, 
and after five hours’ ride, the great city of 
London came in sight. After claiming the 
luggage and selecting a hansom, the party 

drove at once to the R Hotel, and were 

soon established in comfortable quarters. 
That is, as comfortable as possible in an 
English hotel, where one had the traditional 
wax taper for light, and p^id extra for it, also. 

Our drummer requested the clerk to supply 
him with a sample room, that he might make 
a display of the large variety of samples 
brought over. Alas ! such a thing was never 
thought of before. “ And what style of an 
apartment is that ? ” inquired the clerk. Ex- 
planations followed, a large room and a few 
dining-room tables obtained, and the line laid 
out ready for inspection. The clerk, the pro- 
prietor, the porter, the chambermaid and 


A Drummer s Diary, 129 

others connected with the hotel, all came and 
looked upon the display, and seemed highly 
delighted as they all exclaimed, but one word, 
‘‘ Fancy ! pronounced ^^/awnsyi^ 


9 


130 


Leaves from 


CHAPTER XXII. 

The American plan of displaying samples in 
the usual artistic manner, as adopted by com- 
mercial travellers in our country, met with 
great success in London, and the trade were 
much gratified in viewing Ashley^s line at the 
hotel. It was an unusual method of showing 
goods in a room, as it was the custom of the 
country to visit the stores and disjolay the line 
of samples on some counter or table, repack 
the samples, and repeat the same with the next 
customer. Pattern books, photographs of 
articles and catalogues, were generally used 
by the commercial men in all parts of the 
United Kingdom. 

It was difficult at first to induce the buyer 
to take the time and trouble to visit the hotel. 
To gain an interview with the gentlemen who 
purchased goods for some of the largest firms, 
was almost as great a task as gaining an 
audience with the Royal family. A commer- 


A Drununer s Diary, 13 1 

cial traveller A\'as not always received with 
common courtesy, and one might be led to be- 
lieve that the buyer considered him an infe- 
rior person, and only a trifle better than a shoer 
string pedler. “ But it^s English, yer know ! 

To enter the ‘‘ sanctum of the buyer with 
your hat on would be a breach of etiquette 
unpardonable. Your business card must first 
be presented, and if it should suit his ‘‘ Royal 
Nibs ’’ to grant you an interview, some future 
time may be decided upon for you to. call 
again. Keeping engagements is not one of 
the characteristics of an English buyer. It is 
annoying enough in our own country, but it is 
infinitely more discouraging in Europe. Pro- 
crastination is the thief of time,’’ and you get 
robbed generously, both in England aiid 
France. 

However, when Ashley succeded in once 
gaining the attention of the trade, he was 
more than satisfied with their evident appre- 
ciation, as they called at the hotel a number 
of times, and furthermore, brought their out-of- 
town customers with them to admire the dis- 
play. 


132 


Leaves front 


After finishing London, Ashley started for 
Paris, but found it rather difficult to interest 
the Frenchmen in American goods without 
the assistance of a “ Commissionaire.’^ Thence 
to Germany, wffiere he had great success, and 
after returning to Paris, he soon said ‘‘ good- 
by } ” to a long line of servants at the hotel, 
who w^ere anxious to bid him Bon Voyage ” 
in anticipation of the expected Pourboire,” 
and was soon on his way to Liverpool. 

' An uninteresting voyage across the Atlantic, 
wdth the usual excitement of betting on each 
day’s run, and a pool sold at auction on the 
number of the first pilot boat sighted at 
Sandy Hook, and soon the great city of New 
York “ hove in sight.” 

Glad to get home again, and free from the 
annoying and continuous feeing of servants. 
Dip ! dip ! dip ! 

Into your pocket, morn, noon, and night! 

Dip ! dip ! dip ! 

Whatever you give the folks, never is right ! 
Tip ! tip ! tip ! 

Every fellow that looks in your face ! 

Blister your finger-tips, 

As the coin through them slips! 

Still on those martyr lips 
No murmur trace 1 ” 


A Drummer s Diary, 133 

On July 3d, Ashley arrived in New York, 
in time to celebrate the glorious Fourth. 
With delight he viewed the old familiar sur- 
roundings, and with great satisfaction decided 
that America was the greatest country in the 
world. The air seemed purer, the birds sang 
more sweetly, and there was a feeling of lib- 
erty and freedom everywhere, that cannot be 
found in any other countr}^ Driving to his 
residence, he was greeted at the door by the 
loved ones, from whom he had been separated 
so long. ‘‘ Home, Home, Sweet Home,” with 
every one well and happy, and glad to wel- 
come the wanderer. The hours passed quick- 
ly, while relating the many adventures and 
experiences incident to his travels abroad. 
The little daughter had certainly grown a 
head taller, and as she sat in his lap, listening 
to the stories about Europe, the drummer felt 
contented and happy with all the world. 

The dear, good mother, her hair sprinkled 
with threads of silver, listened with tears of 
joy as she beheld her only son once more. 
The loving wife, who had borne the separa- 
tion with such courage and fortitude, sat by 


134 


Leaves from 


his side, with one hand in his, silent and 
happy to have her husband safe and sound at 
home again. The sister too, completes the fam- 
ily group, and the reader may view a picture 
of the happy home of a commercial traveller. 

Another trip was soon mapped out, and Ash- 
ley again started over his regular route, with 
new samples for the Fall season. On his arri 
val at Philadelphia, he met M. D. Canker, who 

was on his way to C with nine trunks. He 

was accompanied by Ed Riser and H. P. 
Lemont, who were both selling tailor’s trim- 
mings, also ‘‘ Honest John ” Valley, who sold 
paper from “ Paddy’s land.” The “ smoker ” 
was taken, as usual, and stories were told 
as follows. Some green and “ worm eaten,” 
others fresh from the baker}^ “ Honest John ” 
had a long collection of Mortuary Poetry 
verses, many of them entirely new. He began 
to read a part of them, with sad tears in his 
eyes ; 

No. I. 

“ He climbed the tree — 

The luscious fruit beguiled him too high : 

The branch did break, and down he fell, 

And broke his neck, and died June 5th, 1816 — 
And also three other children, and a bud that 
never bloomed.” 


A Drummer s Diary. 


135 


No. 2. 

“ Put away the little bonnet 
That our Sallie used to wear: 

She will need it, no more never, 

She has climbed the golden stair ! 

No. 3. 

“ She lived as gentle as a dove, 

She died as angels die ; 

And now her soul has gone to dwell 
With the heavenly saints on high.” 

No. 4. 

“For a day or two, he struggled on earth to 
remain, 

But he was wanted and angels came, to take 
him out of pain.’* 

No. 5. 

“ Here I lie 
Killed by a sky — 

Rocket in my eye. ’* 

No. 6. 

“ Bear her gently, disturb not her sleep. 

She is safe ! — kiss the chastening rod. 

Though the bursting heart break, and the boil- 
ing brain ache. 

Lay her softly beneath the cold sod. 

Hush the sob and the moan, lest she wake, 

Or her hovering spirit be grieved : 

She was called, and we all must obey. 

Though comfortless, stricken, and bereaved.” 


136 


Leaves from 


No. 7. 

“ We’ve done all we could for our baby, 
But now he is free from all care : 

Safe at home in the land over yonder, 
Where the ransomed and glorified are. 

No. 8. 

“ Our loved and darling one. 

Our virgin now in heaven, 

‘ Holding the fort ’ about 
Which she loved to sing. 

Gone, but not forgotten.” 

No. 9. 

“Another sweet flower has withered, 

A gem from the casket set free ; 

A lamb in the fold of the shepherd. 
Who said, let them come unto me. 
Gone to meet her brother.” 


No. 10. 

“ Sweet flower ! no sooner blown than blighted ; 
Sweet voice ! no sooner heard than lost : 

But gone to Heaven, there to shine w'ith the brightest ; 
Darling Harry, it’s thy gain but our loss.” 

No. II. 

“Good-by, dear father! No more on earth 
Shall we thy joyous face behold ; 

But ever in the days to come, 

Thy virtues shall again be told.” 

He replies : 


A Drummer s Diary, 137 

“ Farewell, my wife and children, dear : 

Though I am absent, do not fear. 

God will protect and comfort you. 

So love one another as I loved you.” 

No. 12. 

“He took the good, too good to stay. 

And left the bad, too bad to take away.” 

“ All these are genuine gems of the funeral 
muse, and are copied from tombstones and 
newspaper obituaries ; I am collecting a large 
number, but these will probably be sufficient 
for you boys to-day. Come, Ashley, let^s 
hear your latest experience, as I see you 
are dying to tell us something, after these 
solemn verses.” 

All right. This actually occurred, and I 
entitled it the story of ‘ The Disappointed 
Drummer.’ 

‘‘ Let her go ! Let’s hear it ! Fire away ! ” 

“ While I was waiting in a customer’s store, 

in the town of C R , quite early in the 

morning, as I was anxious to finish business in 
time to take the noon train, there being but 
one departure of trains daily, a drummer with 
two immense grips entered, and walking up 


138 


Leaves froin 


to the new proprietor, who was a perfect 
stranger, inquired, 

‘‘ ‘ Ish Mr. Lozenthall in 'I ’ 

“ ‘ No, sir,’ quietly answered the present 
proprietor, Mr. Dewey. 

“‘Veil den I vill vait,’ as he placed his 
boxes on the floor. 

“ An hour passed, and the impatient drum- 
mer went out for a walk, after saying he 
would return shortly. I had finished taking 
my order, returned to the hotel to pack my 
trunks, and again came back to leave a copy 
of the order with the customer. 

“ It was nearly train time, and as I was 
about to start for the depot, the Israelite 
walked up to the proprietor, and again in- 
quired : 

“ ‘ Ven vill Mr. Lozenthall be in ? ’ 

“ ‘ He’ll not be in at all,” calmly replied 
Mr. D. 

“‘Vhat???’ 

“ ‘ He will not be in any more,’ repeated 
Mr. D. 

“•‘Vhy?’ 

“ ‘ He’s dead.’ 


A Driiviiner s Diary, 


139 


“ ‘ Vhat ? ^ 

“ ‘ I say he is dead/ 

“ ‘ Vhen ? Vhy ! — Dat’s a nice vay to dreat 
me, don’d it? Here I vas vaiting all dis dwo, 
dree hour, und you dold me only yust now he 
vas doad. You vas a fine man to dreat me 
like dot, und make me mine drain loose. 
You come mit me oudside, und I make you 
look like you mudder don’d know you ! You 
vas one spetzenpook, dot ish vat you vas, py 
tarn ! Who vas der brobriedor here ony- 
how ? ’ 

“ ‘ I am ! ’ calmly answered Mr. D. 

“ ‘ So ! — Veil, my tear zir^ haf a zigar ! ^ 
offering a ‘ two for fiver.^ 

“ I left the store laughing heartily, after 
receiving a parting wink from the amused 
proprietor.’^ 

^‘At a hotel where I was stopping last 
summer,” said Canker, ‘‘ a green countryman 
came into the reading room, where a lot of 
the boys were sitting, and inquired where the 
water-cooler was. Charlie Baynard dryly 
directed him to the corner of the room, and 
pointed to a ‘ Babcock Fire Extinguisher.’ 


Leaves front 


1 40 

‘ Greeney ’ went for it, attempted to take a 
drink from the nozzle of the hose, turned the 
faucet, and the next moment turned a double 
somersault, and ran out of the hotel shout- 
ing ‘ fire ! ’ I never laughed so heartily in 
my life. I thought the boys would die on the 
spot.’’ 

Let me recite you a little poem, which 1 
think you all will appreciate,” remarked 
Ashley. ‘‘ It was published in the Boston 
Journal, 

“ Who puts oup at der besht hodel, 

Und dakes his oysters on der schell, 

Und mit der fraiileins cuts a schwell ? 

Der drummer. 

“ Who VOS it gomes into my shtore, 

Down drops his bundles on der floor, 

Und neffer shtops to schut der door 

Der drummer. 

“ Who dakes me py der hands und say : 

‘ Hans Pfeiffer, how you vas to-day } ’ 

Und goes for peesness right avay ? 

Der drummer. 

“ Who sphreads his samples in a trice, 

Und dells me ‘ look und see how nice ! ’ 

Und says I gets ‘ der bottom brice ? ’ 

Der drummer. 


A Driinuncr s Diary. 


I 


Who says der tings vas eggstra vine — 

‘ Vrom Sharmany, upon der Rhine ’ — 

Und sheats me den dimes out of nine ? 

Der drummer. 

Who dells how sheap der goods vas bought ; 
Mooch less as vot I gould imbort, 

But lets dem go as he vas ‘ short ’ ? 

Der drummer. 

Who varrants all der goots to suit, 

Der gustomers upon his route, 

Und ven dey gomes day vas no goot ? 

Der drummer. 

Who gome aroundts ven I peen oudt. 

Drinks oup mine bier, eats my sour-kraut, 
Und kiss Kathrina in der mout ? 

Der drummer. 

Who ven he gomes again dis vay, 

Vill hear vot Pfeiffer has to say, 

Und mit a plack eye goes avay ? 

Der drummer. 


142 


Leaves front 


CHAPTER XXIII. 

THE OLD IRON TRUNKS. 

C. S. P. 

“ How fresh to my mind are the days of my boyhood, 
As fond recollections present them to view — 

The trunks full of samples, the boxes of tin and 
wood, 

All the tough journeys that I had to go through, 
The long days of drumming, through dust and thick 
stubbles. 

The miles upon miles that I walked on my way : — 
The trunks full of samples, the iron-bound troubles. 
The hard packing trunks, that I opened each day. 

“ When working each day, and expecting to-morrow 
Would bring that success, that a drummer most 
craves ; 

Alas ! Disappointed, with sad tears of sorrow. 

While tearing his hair, and with anger he raves — 
So days they go passing, while acting the drummer. 
With hard lugging of samples, to the buyer we 
meet : 

Like a hard working tramp, or a sick looking bum- 
mer. 

We wish for the evening, so to rest our poor feet. 

“ Absent from loved ones, days of sick longing. 

Sleep that is broken, and meals we half eat : 

We wish for the evening and long for the morning, 
The life of a drummer is a hard one to beat. 


A Drummer s Diary. 


143 


So pack up your samples, in the iron-bound boxes, 

The iron covered trunks that we handle so well : 

The thundering old iron trunks, the moss covered 
boxes, 

We wish they were further, than way down to — 
well ! ” 


‘‘That’s good, especially the last verse,” 
remarked Ed. “ By the way, do you fellows 
always notify your trade when to expect you ? ” 
Before starting on a trip, the idea of send- 
ing a neat notice to one’s customers, inform- 
ing them of the date of your arrival in their 
city, is a good one and saves many an order. 
Postal cards are often used, but in almost 
every instance they are consigned to the 
waste basket. The postal card bearing the 
stereotype legend : “ Will call on you with a 
full line,” might be utilized in poker by omit- 
ting the third and last word. I read about a 
traveller who sent out an announcement on a 
postal which read : “ Will call on you with a 
full line,” and some meddling opponent made 
it read — “ Will call on you, full ! ” by erasing 
the missing words. Don’t send a postal. A 
nice circular is the neatest and best, and gen- 
erally retained by the customer. 


144 


Leaves from 


Then somebody continued, John Shayne 
has written some rules to young travellers just 
starting out on the road : 

‘‘Tell the truth on subjects requiring the 
truth. 

“ Don’t borrow any money. 

“ Don’t play cards, billiards, or pool for 
money. 

“ Don’t be too social or confidential with 
travelling men. 

“ Catch flies with honey, not vinegar. 

“Go fishing when fish bite, and always 
hook ’em. 

“ Always stay at the best hotels and pay 
your bills. 

“ Always take a sleeper for long distances : 
rest is required to do good work. 

“ Always kiss your customers good-by, if a 
lady. 

Sell goods on their merits. 

“Make no rash promises, but do much. 

“ Be obliging, but always maintain a manly 
independence. 

“ Never tell one customer what some other 
traveller said. 


A Driunmer s Diary. 145 

Never quarrel with a waiter, hotel clerk, 
porter, or baggageman. 

Do your business as quickly as you can, 
but do it well.” — Thus ends the first lesson. 

How frequently a salesman hears the fol- 
lowing remarks : 

“ If you had been here last week, we’d 
given you a good order,” 

“ Why didn’t you send us an advance 
notice ? If you had, we would have saved 
you an order.” 

‘‘ Our buyer has just gone to New York.” 

Our buyer has just got back from New 
York, and has filled us up.” 

‘‘ If that pink polka dot was blue, I’d take 
it.” 

“ If that blue polka dot was pink, it would 
catch me.” 

‘‘ Your house is too slow in filling orders.” 

‘‘ How many months ahead do you date 
your bills ? ” 

Come in to-morrow.” 

‘‘ No ! Not a single item wanted.” 

Don’t want to buy. Am selling now.” 

“ Sorry, but must let you go this time, and 


10 


146 Leaves from 

do so with tears in my eyes.” — Thus ends the 
second lesson. 

Did you hear that experience of the 

Cleveland drummer in E a few Sundays 

ago, while he was sitting in his room ? Well, 
in the adjoining apartment there was a newly- 
married couple, and the question and answer 
was heard as follows : 

V ‘ Whose ducky are you ? ’ 

‘‘ ‘ I’se your ducky ! ’ 

“ A few moments passed and the silence 
was again broken. 

‘‘ ‘ Whose ducky are you ? * 

‘‘ ‘ I’se your ducky ! ’ 

‘‘ Unable to stand it much longer alone, he 
hurried down to the office and invited several 
of the boys to accompany him to his room to 
enjoy the fun. The wicked travellers tip-toed 
back to the room, crammed their handker- 
chiefs in their mouths, and listened for over 
one hour to this fond conundrum put and 
answered by the unconscious rustic and his 
bride. 

“ At dinner, as luck would have it, the 
bride and groom were seated between two of 


A Drtinimer s Diary, 147 

the 'drummers, while the original discoverer of 
the bonanza sat opposite. The table had 
been cleared of the substantial, and orders 
for dessert had been given. At that moment a 
spirit of mischief took possession of the 
Clevelander, and looking archly at his nearest 
neighbor, in dulcet tones inquired : 

“ ‘ Whose ducky are you ? ’ 

“ The other chap was equal to the emer- 
gency, and in tones of affected sweetness, 
answered, — 

“ ‘ I’se your ducky! ’ 

“ Two scarlet rustic faces, the flutter of a 
white dress through the doorway, two vacant 
seats at the table, and four crazy drummers 
laughing till the tears ran. Quick curtain. 
Music by the band.” 


148 


Leaves from 


CHAPTER XXIV. 

“ The commercial traveller thought the rate 
Would be too high if he shipped as freight, 

So a dynamite lump of no great weight, 

He hid in his other plunder. 

Ah there'. 

“ But that commercial traveller saw a sight, 

When the baggage-master with all his might 
Dashed down his trunk with the dynamite. 

Who was straightway blown to thunder ! 

Stay there ! 

Here’s a warning to every travelling wight; 

For though he’s a masher, it isn’t right 
For a drummer to carry this dynamite. 

And repeat this terrible blunder. 

Just my size • ” 

As the train approached the last stopping- 
place, a poor injured brakeman was placed 
upon the car, and entered the smoker, with 
his hand bandaged. He had three of his 
fingers crushed while coupling two freight 
cars, and was on his way to the city hospital 
for medical treatment. One of the commer- 
cial men opened his valise and offered the 


A Drummer s Diary. 149 

ever-ready flask of brandy to the wounded 
man, who was suffering intense pain, and was 
pale as death. Everybody expressed much 
sympathy, and suddenly Lemont took off his 
hat, and said, — 

‘‘ Gentlemen : This poor brakeman is badly 
hurt, and you all know a railroad donff pay 
wages to an injured employee. It will be 
several weeks before he is able to work again, 
and even at the best it will be hard scratch- 
ing to make both ends meet. He tells me he 
is the only support of his old mother (and 
his voice trembled), “ and you all know, 
boys, it ’s not all of us that have a good, kind 
mother to love us. We all remember when 
we were young how she used to listen to our 
evening prayer, and when it was cold how she 
would tuck us up snug and warm. And I say, 
fellow travellers (and he brushed a tear 
from his eye), you can’t think of that dear 
mother without a rush of tenderness to your 
heart, and as you look back to the time when 
a child, you long so much to be able to lay 
your tired head in her lap on returning from a 
long trip, and call her by that sacred name, 


Leaves from 


ISO 

‘ mother ! mother ! ^ And now, boys, I feel 
mighty bad for this injured boy — ‘ an only 
son — and she a widow.’ I never delivered a 
sermon before in my life, but I feel just five 
dollars sorry. How badly do you feel ? ” 

As he said this he passed the hat, and 
everybody in that car responded handsomely. 
Greatly encouraged, he passed through the 
train and collected nearly forty dollars. Re- 
turning to the crowd the sympathetic travel- 
lers made up the amount to fifty dollars, and 
presented the injured man with the collection, 
who murmured his thanks, and soon the train 

rolled into the depot of C -. Entering the 

hotel coach the travelling men were soon on 
their way to the hotel. 

“ I say, Al,” began Ashley, “ while you 
were delivering your discourse in the car I 
felt like an infant. A man who has a good 
mother has a true friend, and one he can 
never replace after she is gone. I miss my 
dear old mother so much when I return home 
from a trip and see her vacant chair. I can’t 
understand how a man can ever treat his 
mother except with the most tender kindness 


A Druuinier s Diary, 1 5 i 

and deepest love. Yet there are some who 
do not realize how strong and deep is a fond 
mother’s love for her boy. As I was saying, 
I felt like a baby.” 

Speaking about babies, I will relate a 
story which I think will please you all, es- 
pecially as it is a true one,” began ‘ Honest 
John.’ ” 

“ Let her go ! ” ‘‘ Give it to us ! ” from the 

boys. 

‘‘ You remember Will French, and how 
fond of babies he was. He never could pass 
one on the street in a baby carriage without 
stopping to kiss the darling, especially if it 
was attended by a good-looking maid. He 
made a trip from Newburyport to Exeter, 
New Hampshire, last summer in a stage, and. 
since then would sooner take a rattlesnake to 
his bosom than an infant. The sight of a 
country stage-coach gives him freckles on his 
b^ck, and an attack of cholera infantum. 
He started with his girl and her lady friend. 
Will Summer and Harry Farnham, two Boston 
drummers, in one of those old-fashioned, 
yellow-bellied, two-horse coaches. The coach 


152 


Leaves front 


was about full when they started, but stopped 
for a lady with three small children, one of 
which was an infant in arms. The mother 
finally found room for herself, the two young- 
sters, three bandboxes, a pot of flowers, and a 
large lunch basket. Arriving at the outskirts 
of the city the stage again stopped to let on 
an old woman in a poke bonnet. To her 
query, ‘ Eny rum ? ’ the driver replied, ‘ Sartin, 
mum — get right in.’ 

“The old lady appeared at the door, and 
looked anxiously at the crowded condition of 
the coach. After the occupants succeeded in 
making room for the old party. Will politely 
offered to hold the infant. The little mother 
thanked the drummer for his kindness, and 
as Will took the baby on his knee, the old 
lady sat down by his side, and opened con- 
versation. 

“ Old Lady (addressing Will). — ‘ How long 
do it take ter get ter Exeter ? ’ 

“ WilL — ‘ ’Bout ’n hour, I guess, ma’am.^ 

“ a Z.>~‘Hey ?’ 

“ Will . — ‘ About one hour, ma’am.’ 

“ O. L . — ‘ I’m putty hard o’ hearing.’ 


A Drtunmer s Diary, 


IS3 


“ Will (getting nervous and shouting). — 
‘ In — about — an — hour ! ’ 

O, L , — ‘Yer don’t say so ! Sakes alive ! 
I jest cum down last week ter see my darter 
Mirandy. She lives in Geo’town. Married 
John Mills, the blacksmith. Bin married 
’bout a year, and I cum down ter get the 
baby’s clothes ready.’ 

‘‘ The girls showed signs of hysterics, 
blushed, and looked out of the window. Will 
turned fiery red, and began to nervously trot 
the infant. 

“ O, L, (seeing the baby for the first time, 
makes a dive at its left lung with her dexter 
finger, wrinkles up her old face with a horrid 
smile). — ‘ Kootsy, wootsy, bootsy ! Bless its 
dear little heart.’ (To Will.) ‘Taking the 
little darlin’ out for an airin’ ? ’ 

“ Will (blushing). — ‘ Yes, marm, that is^ — I 
mean — no, marm.’ (Balance of passengers 
become much interested, while the other 
friends were about bursting with suppressed 
merriment.) 

“ O, L , — ‘ That’s right, that’s right — nuthin’ 
like good country air for the little darlins. 


154 


Leaves from 


Looks just like you/ (Suddenly). ‘ Boy or 
gal ? ^ (Entire coach in convulsions.) 

“ WilL — ‘ Damfino ! I beg pardon — really 
I — Confound you, . Harry Farnhain, you in- 
fernal idiot, what are you howling at ? I’ll, 
pay you for this. Think you’re smart, don’t 
you ? ’ 

“a Z.— ‘ Hey?’ 

“ Wi// (shouting at the top of his voice). — 
‘ I say it ’s a boy ! ! ! ’ 

Young Mother (mildly). — ‘ Beg your par- 
don, sir, its a girl.’ 

‘‘ Will (savagel}^). — ‘ I don’t care a fig what 
it is. Here, take it ! Say, driver, stop ! I 
want to get out. I wouldn’t hold another 
brat for a $1000 a minute.’ 

“ O, Z. (not understanding commotion). — 
‘ Hey, what’s the fun ? ’ 

‘‘ Will , — ‘ Fun be blowed ! T say, Farn- 
ham, and you too, Sumner, I’ll be revenged 
on all of you,’ and sticking his hands in his 
pockets he jumped from the stage, and started 
down the dusty road towards town followed by 
yells of laughter and the mocking voices of 
the boys shouting, ^ Papa ! Papa ! ! Papa ! ! ! ’ 


A Drummer s Diary, 155 

“ Will says the daisies will bloom over 
several new-made graves if the boys don’t 
stop asking him the question, ‘ Boy or gal ? ’ 
when they meet him on the road.” 

The coach stopped at the hotel entrance. 

‘‘ All out for the Hotel ! ” cried the 

driver. 

And the travellers enter the hotel to 
register in a body, all rushing for the first 
chance. 

I say, Harry,” addressing the head clerk, 
‘‘ I want the largest sample room you have in 
the house, and don’t you forget it.” 

‘‘ So do I ! ” 

‘‘And I! ” 

“ And I ! ” “ I ! ” “ I ! ” was the chorus. 

And they all got the “ largest and best ” in 
the house. They always do. 


156 


Leaves from 


CHAPTER XXV. 

A PARTY .of commercial men, while in K 

determined to take the river steamer on Sat- 
urday, for St. Louis. 

There were several good reasons which 
induced them to travel by water, the first 
being the saving on extra baggage, and sec- 
ondly, the delightful trip on the great Mis- 
sissippi River. No time was to be lost, as 
they expected to arrive at St. Louis on Sun- 
day evening, and they were soon comfortably 
quartered on one of the floating palaces 
which fly along the Father of Rivers. 

Baggage checked and seated upon the 
front deck, the commercial travellers began to 
relate some of the latest stories. George 
Freeman, who sold pencils, began with a new 
story : 

“An old darky, who answered to the name 
of ‘ Lijah,’ was walking down the street car- 
rying a twenty-pound turkey. Meeting a 


A Drummer s Diary. 157 

gentleman who was well acquainted with him, 
the following conversation took place : 

“ ‘ Well, ‘ Lijah,’ that’s a fine bird you have 
there.’ 

“ ‘ ’Tis, sah,’ replied the old darky, rolling 
up the whites of his eyes in ecstasy. ‘ I’se 
jus’ dun gone won him in a raffie down on 
T’omson Street. That yeller nigger what 
keep a barber shop on de corner, he t’rowed 
feefty-free, an’ made me sick.’ 

‘“Yes, I see. That was big throwing. 
What did you throw ? I see you have the 
turkey.’ 

“ ‘ What did I t’row ? Why, I’se t’rowed 
der yeller moke down de cellar sta’rs, an’ 
grabbed de turk, and here I is! ’” 

“Uncle Ned” Popkins began to give 
his celebrated Daniel Webster story as fol- 
lows. 

“Many years ago, in Manchester, N. H., 
that great statesman, Daniel Webster ” — 

“ Daniel who ?” inquired Van Hulin. 

“ I said Daniel Webster. Well, as I was 
saying,”— 

“I beg pardon, Ned, who did you say.^” 


158 Leaves from 

interrupted Sam Hitter, who was in the cloth 
business. 

‘‘ Confound you ! Are you all hard of 
hearing ? I said Daniel Webster was — ” 

‘‘ Who was this friend of yours ? ’’ inter- 
rupted L. Hipman, who was selling blank books. 

“ Can’t you fellows listen to a good story 
without this constant interruption ? Well, 
Daniel Webster was — ” 

Say, Ned, what line of goods was he sell- 
ing ? ” began Bender, who was in the fancy 
goods line. 

‘‘Oh, go to thunder!” and Uncle Ned 
walked angrily forward where the baggage 
was stored, and sat down upon one of Gill- 
more’s sample trunks with such force that 
had it not been extra strong, he would have 
broken it. The boys all began to laugh, and 
cry, “ Chestnuts, with bright green whiskers 1 ” 
“ Mildewed round the edges ! ” “ Adam was 

the first man, and he had a story I ” “ In the 

beginning ! ” etc., etc., etc. 

Poor Uncle Ned was “ mad as a hatter,” 
but after a time, concluded to accept the joke 
and soon returned to the crowd. 


A Drummer s Diary, 159 

Andy Herring began to relate a story, 
which occurred in Memphis, during the yel- 
low fever epidemic, at the city hospital. 
The chaplain called one day upon the hospital 
orderly, who was an Englishman, who dropped 
his “ h’s,” and added them always in the 
wrong place. The following conversation 
ensued : 

Chaplain , — ^ So poor Hopkins is dead. 
I should have liked to have spoken to him 
once again, and soothed his last moments ; 
why did you not call me } ’ 

Plospital Orderly , — “ ‘ Hi didn’t think you 
bought to be disturbed for ’Opkins, sir, so hi 
just sooth’d ’im has best hi could myself, sir.’ 

Chaplain , — ‘‘ ‘ Why, what did you say to 
him. Orderly?’ 

Hospital Orderly, — “‘Vy, sir! ’Opkins,’ sez 
hi, ‘ you’re mortal bad.’ ‘ Hi ham,’ sez ’ee. 
‘ ’Opkins,’ sez hi, ‘hi don’t think yees get 
better.’ ‘ No,’ sez ’ee. ‘ ’Opkins,’ sez hi, 
‘ yees going fast.’ ‘ Yes,’ sez ’ee. ‘ ’Opkins,’ 
sez hi, ‘Hi don’t think yees can ’opes to go 
to ’eaven,’ sez hi. ‘ Hi don’t think hi can,’ 
sez ’ee. ‘ Well, then, ’Opkins,’ says hi, ‘ you’ll 


1 6 o Leaves from 

go to ’ell/ ‘ Hi suppose so,’ sez ’ee. ‘ ’Op- 
kins,’ sez hi, ‘ you bought to be very grateful 
h’as there’s ha place provided for you/ sez 
hi, ‘ h’and that you’ve got somevare to go,’ 
sez hi. H’and hi think ’ee ’eard me, sir, — ■ 
h’and ’ee died.’ ” 

The travellers soon entered the saloon, and 
partook of a substantial supper. After which 
they again went on deck, and enjoyed the 
evening sail, with the silver moon shining 
brightly. All at once the boat stops — moves 
a few feet, again stops, and the travellers rush 
forward to ascertain the trouble. Water low 
and the boat stuck fast on a mud reef. 
Donkey engine started and the outside ‘‘ rig- 
gers ” placed in position. Not one incli 
headway, and getting tired, the boys retire to 
their staterooms. In the morning, they were 
surprised to find they were exactly in the 
same spot as the previous evening. After all 
their calculations, they were delayed until 
Monday night, and only succeeded in getting 
off the mud with the assistance of a passing 
steamer. 


A Drummer s Diary, 


i6i 


CHAPTER XXVI. 

After all these years of weary travelling, 
Ashley had an opportunity to form a partner- 
ship with two parties with capital, who were 
desirous of starting a manufacturing business. 

Ashley decided to leave the road, that he 
might spend the remainder of his days with 
his family, and the business was started with 
every show of success. With a long experi- 
ence in the business, while understanding all 
the requirements of his customers, and believ- 
ing that promptness was one of the great 
secrets of a successful business, Ashley soon 
had the manufacturing department under per- 
fect control. How contented the days, and 
pleasant the nights, to the retired commercial 
traveller, as he enjoyed his happy home ! 

No matter how hard the work, or the num- 
ber of long hours, the satisfaction of being 
home every night was great indeed. 

But, alas for all anticipation of remaining 


II 


Leaves from 


162 

by his own fireside ! When a man enters a 
firm, and gives his experience instead of cash, 
it sometimes happens that the moneyed part- 
ners imagine they can learn it all in a limited 
period of time, and are able to conduct a 
business which is the result of long years of 
study and practice, without his aid. Dissen- 
sions began, articles of co-partnership broken, 
and the firm was dissolved by mutual consent, 
with the quiet assistance of a lawyer. 

Broken in health, disappointed at the re- 
sult of his arduous labors, Ashley was again 
thrown out upon the world, to seek employ- 
ment. 

But not for long. The old house, with 
whom he had been for many years, and who 
had deeply regretted his leaving, at the time 
of his forming the partnership, again desired 
his services and an immediate return to his 
old place, as one of the travellers. Again a 
commercial traveller ! New aspirations and 
renewed courage. Anticipated pleasure of 
again meeting his commercial friends, after 
an absence of over two years from the road, 


V 


A Drtimnier s Diary. 163 

was some recompense. In a few weeks, he 
was ready with the large sample trunks, to 
start upon “ the warpath once more. “ Good- 
bye ” was said, baggage checked, and Ashley 
was comfortably seated in a parlor car, bound 
for the city of P . It seemed quite nat- 

ural to be on the road ” again, and to meet 
the familiar faces of the old time travellers. 
The first one to greet him was an old friend, 
Jim Tuesday, a traveller who numbered many 
years as a commercial tourist. He was laugh- 
ing over a couple of letters, which had just 
been handed him by Sam Nextime. A lettei 
was received by the house at home, and given 
to Sam to answer. It was an aiDplication 
from a man residing in the western part of 
Pennsylvania, for a position as a commercial 
traveller. He offered to sell goods upon the 
road for $80.00 per month, and limit his ex- 
penses to $2.50 per day. Said he had a 
large business experience, was active, reliable, 
good habits and a first-class salesman, etc. 
Sam sent the following comical reply, but 
never expected an answer. 


164 


Leaves from 


“ Mr. a. B. C. 

‘‘ Dear Sir : — ‘‘ Having heard of your abilities 
as a travelling salesman I write to ask if you 
have made any engagement for the coming 
year. I am about to open a large house in 
B on an immense scale, and shall re- 

quire some fourteen or fifteen travellers. My 
plan is to have a strong, active man, able to 
endure some hardships, provide him with a 
good light skiff decked over at the bow, in- 
clude a rubber blanket, stock the boat with 
enough provisions to last a month, and have 
him pull down the Ohio River, stopping at 
every hamlet and landing place. The sam- 
ples you will take under your arm, visit the 
customers, hand them a photograph of your- 
self and boat, which will be 3^our business 
card. At night, you can pull up to the bank 
of the river, tie your boat to a stump, wrap 
yourself in your blanket, and sleep like a top 
or a clam at high water. This idea may ap- 
pear novel to you. It is, but you will be able 
to stop at places not reached by the majority 
of travelling men, and in this way be able to 
hold your trade. 

‘‘ Think this matter over carefully and ad- 
dress me,’’ etc., etc. 

This was the reply received a few days later : 


A Drummer s Diary, 165 

“ Sam Nextime, Esq. 

“ Dear Sir : — “Your favor under date of the 
5th inst. has been duly received and contents 
noted. I am looking for a position as travel- 
ling salesman and have made application to dif- 
ferent parties, but have not made any arrange- 
ments yet. 1 have been drawn as a juror for 
this county in the U. S. District Court, which 

convenes at P on Monday next, and shall 

probably be detained there two or three weeks. 
In the winter season the Ohio River will be 
frozen over, and the only way to reach the 
towns on it, will be by rail. I am a first-class 
business man, perfectly reliable, active and 
am about sixty years old. I would be willing 
to work for the present for $80.00 per month 
and expenses, which would amount to $2.50 to 
$3.00 per day. I think I could do you good 
service. ^ 

“ I am, very respectfully. 

“ A. B. C.” 

“What do you think of that for an offer ? ” 
inquired Sam. “ I tell you, boys, we must 
keep our expenses down or these old travel- 
lers will obtain our places.’’ 


Leaves from 


1 66 


CHAPTER XXVII. 

“How are you, Charlie ? said a traveller 

to Ashley, one hot July day in C . “Come 

take a drink of something cooling/’ 

“Thanks, but I don’t drink,” replied 
Charlie. 

“ Don’t drink ? Why how long has that 
been, old fellow ? ” 

“ Several months. You see, I have drank 
my share, during my life, and some time ago 
I made up my mind to stop. Since I’ve been 
on the road I have seen a number of 
boys, who had been constant drinkers, who 
have gone to the dogs — -that is, many of them. 
I began to reason with myself, and inquired 
‘if it paid?’ I have known so many who 
commanded high salaries while enjoying re- 
sponsible situations, and had strong friends 
all over the country, become so addicted to 
the habit that some lost their positions, some 
committed suicide, while others drifted away 


A Drummer s Diary. 167 

and are either dead or doing menial work. 
So I sat down one evening all alone, and 
began to commune with myself, and after 
looking over the matter, I came to. the con- 
clusion that it was all nonsense. A man 
cannot be a constant drinker and retain good 
health. Something must give way, as you 
know the constant dripping of water will wear 
away a stone. Take an oyster for instance, 
and drop it into "a glass of whiskey. What 
is the result ? After being there an hour, it 
becomes hard as leather. What is the effect 
then, upon the delicate coating of our 
stomachs, if we are constantly pouring into it 
this strong liquor, ten or twelve times each 
day ? It stands to reason that something 
has got to give way. 

“ The good effected upon the commercial 
traveller by one example of abstinence, often 
accomplishes more than the cant and hypoc- 
risy of a thousand sectarians who are gener- 
ally uncharitable to those unfortunates whose 
appetite for liquor is difficult to appease. 

“ If one will set the example, and with an 
occasional quiet word of advice show by his 


Leaves from 


1 68 

own determination and perseverance, that 
the continual drinking of liquor is not neces- 
sary for either selling a bill of goods, or con- 
ducive to good health, there will be many 
followers. The commercial traveller spending 
a large amount of money thus foolishly, will 
reasonably understand that the continual use 
of strong drinks will ultimately result in poor 
• health, exhaustion and debility, ending in 
penury, and sometimes a drunkard’s grave. 
It is sure to follow this continual treating of 
each other, and the constant habit of imbib- 
ing at all hours of the day and evening. It’s 
social, I admit, but its suicidal just the same. 
If you doubt the argument, look back over 
the years since you first went upon the road 
to sell goods, and think of the great number 
of happy, good-hearted fellow travellers, who 
were always considered ‘ quiet drinkers.’ 
Where are they ? Hundreds are in their 
graves. Some are ragged, dirty, and covered 
with vermin, wandering about the streets, 
their red and bloated features unrecognized 
by you, until they stop you by calling your 
name, with a request for a small loan. This 


A Drmnmer s Diary, 169 

is not an ideal picture. It is a true photo- 
graph taken from life. With the brain 
‘ fuddled ' with the fumes of rum, a sales- 
man cannot do business properly or profitably 
for his house. When a salesman becomes a 
slave to the habit, and consequently neglects 
his duties, the firm at home realize the fact 
very quickly. The result is apparent, and 
always the same. Many houses instruct their 
travellers not to indulge in any intoxicants, 
while on the road, or to treat the buyers, 
under any circumstances. 

“ A house in city, who employ many 

salesmen, are very particular as regards this 
matter, and would rather lose an order for 
$5000.00, than their traveller should treat the 
buyers to a five cent glass of beer. We may 
congratulate ourselves however upon the fact, 
that the best class of travellers of to-day are 
more abstemious, than those of former years. 
If this little sermon will be accepted in the 
spirit intended, and moderation, if not total 
abstinence, the result of a quite word spoken, 
then the advice will not be thrown away. 
This is not a ‘ temperance lecture,' but 


170 


Leaves fro7n 


only a few remarks, appealing to your own 
common sense. I do not desire to preach, 
but I pity the weak-minded traveller who will 
not listen to reason. 

“ He may have happy, jolly companions, who 
are apparently his friends. Friends ? When 
sprees are over, the enjoyments forgotten, the 
money gone, situation vanished, and sickness 
the result, where are your friends ? Will they 
help you ? The answer is a bitter one — 
bitter because it is true the world over. That 
answer is — No ! 

‘‘ Rich clothing to rags ! Gold to ashes ! 
A comfortable home to the workhouse ! 
Bright hopes to withered fruits ! Life unto 
death ! The curtain falls ; the play is fin- 
ished. 

“ So you will see, my dear boy, these are my 
reasons for declining your kind invitation. 
Think of what I have been saying, and see 
if I am not right. Good-by ! Hope to see 
you again.*’ 


A Drummer s Diary^ 


171 


CHAPTER XXVIIL 

THE CHICAGO FAIR. 

The New York and Boston importers of 
Albums, Fancy Goods, Books and Stationery, 
conceived the idea of holding a meeting, 
once a year in Chicago, for the display of 
samples under one roof. 

The “ Palmer was selected as the hotel, 
and over four hundred large sample rooms 
were engaged in the month of February, and 
used by an army of commercial travellers. 
Invitations were mailed to customers all over 
the country to visit the city of Chicago, who 
availed themselves of the great opportunity 
of viewing the different lines displayed. To 
give some idea of the magnitude of the im- 
mense variety of goods, there were over one 
hundred thousand square feet of lumber used 
for sample tables alone. There were nearly 
four hundred travellers, and nearly as many 


172 Leaves from 

visiting buyers, from different cities in the 
country. 

The “ Fair ” continued for about ten to 
twelve days, and the estimated amount of 
money expended in this hotel by the com- 
mercial men and their customers, amounted to 
nearly $500.00 daily, or a grand total of 
$5000.00 for the entire session. The amount 
of sales ran into the millions, and this grand 
exhibition has proved such a success that 
it is held every year, and will probably be 
continued for many years to come. Such a 
large gathering of commercial travellers 
would naturally result in bringing out various 
adventures and comical experiences. A man 
who had a new story was listened to with 
rapt attention. An old story with whiskers 
on was tabooed at once, and the teller fined 
the drinks for the crowd. The following ad- 
venture occurred on the second day of the 
opening. 

Ashley occupied one of the large parlors at 
the Palmer House, with his friend and co- 
laborer, George Roeback. The door was 
partly open, and several of the boys were 


A Drummer ^ Diary, 173 

sitting, busily engaged in conversation. A 
lady of about fifty years of age, with white 
hair and a pair of snapping black eyes, 
dressed in the richest manner, entered the 
room. 

Excuse me, my dear sir : ’’ she com- 
menced, addressing Ashley. “ I take great 
liberty of entering your room, for the purpose 
of viewing your extensive and beautiful dis- 
play of samples. I am connected with the 
newspapers, and as a weekly correspondent 
to several society journals would consider it 
a great favor, if you would kindly inform me, 
as to the latest styles used in polite station- 
ery.” 

Certainly, madam, you are quite wel- 
come,” replied Ashley. 

Now, my dear sir, you will excuse me I 
am sure, for taking up your valuable time, but 
your tvonderful resemblance to my son 
Jimmie, led me to wish for an interview. 
He’s a drummer ! ” 

Pardon me, madam ; we do not call our- 
selves ‘drummers.’ We are commercial tour- 
ists,” politely answered Charlie. 


V4 


Leaves from 


‘‘ Yes 1 Oh, yes ! My son Jimmie terms 
himself a representative,” said the lady. 

“ Thanks ! That is more euphonious,” re- 
plied the amused traveller. 

“Oh yes! of course. that pretty?” 

pointing to a birthday card. “ What a delight- 
ful sentiment ! Fond love ! Excuse me^ my 
dear sir, but if you were to send that souvenir 
to a young lady whom you truly loved, would 
you accompany the gift with a sweet poem ? ” 
anxiously inquired the lady. 

“Well, hardly,” answered Ashley. “The 
birds sitting so complacently upon the branch 
of the tree would be enough to express my 
deepest admiration and love.” 

At this point of the play the other occu- 
pants of the room were obliged to leave at 
once, as they were unable to contain their 
mirth in silence, and so stood on the outside 
of the door doubled up with hearty laughter. 
This was the spark which ignited the merri- 
ment of Ashley, and he burst out in an uncon- 
trollable fit of laughter. 

“ Sir I Are you laughing at me ? ” indig- 
nantly inquired the madam. 


A Drummer s Diary, 175 

“ Beg your pardon, iny clear madam, hum- 
bly replied Ashley, as the tears of merriment 
coursed down his cheeks. But you see, one 
of my friends has just exploded, out in the 
hall, and I am so sympathetic in my nature I 
really could not help it. I beg you will 
excuse my apparent lack of gallantry.’’ 

‘‘ Granted, my dear sir, granted ! But you 
do so remind me of my son Jimmie. Ah ! 
What’s this } ” viewing a sign of a new game. 
‘‘Progressive Hearts! Yes, indeed! All our 
hearts are progressing, are they not, sir } 
You are poetical^ I know you are. My son 
Jimmie is quite a poet, and you remind me so 
much of him. He is very fond of the ladies, 
too, and they ‘are very much in love with him.” 
(Smothered laughter from the outside.) 

“ My dear lady,” Ashley remarked, “ I 
flatter myself I am very much like 3^our son 
Jimmie, as all the ladies I meet invariably fall 
in love with me on all and every occasion.” 
(Idiotic hilarity on the outside.) 

“Yes, I see. I knew you were a poet. 
But I suppose I am too old ? ” tenderly in- 
quired the lady. 


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Leaves from 


“ Madam, ” with one of the most elaborate 
of Chesterfield bows, placing his hand upon 
his heart, ‘‘ I can assure you nothing is too 
old for a commercial traveller.’’ 

With a tender smile he said “ Good-bye ” to 
the lady, as he politely ushered her from the 
room. 

The boys returned, and for about ten min- 
utes laughed themselves sick. 

The following morning, when relating the 
adventure to several friends, the old lady 
made another attack upon the drummer. 

“ Good morning ! Do you know, my dear 
sir, your wonderful likeness to my son Jim- 
mie has made me feel that I had known you 
for years. What’s your name ?” ‘ 

‘‘ Ashley,” said he, a trifle annoyed. 

“ Your first name, please,” persisted the lady. 

Charles,” gruffly reiDlied Ashley. 

‘‘ Charles ! Charlie ! What a sweet name is 
Charlie ! How it flows from one’s lips. 
Everybody loves the name of Charlie. Did 
you remember my name, my dear Charlie ” 

“ No, marm ! Think you said it was Snow,” 
angrily replied Ashley. 


A Druninier s Diary, 177 

“ No, not Snow ! But I am pure as snow, 
just as pure as the white^ unsullied snow ! 
My name is Mrs. A 

“ My dear madam, you’ll have to excuse 
me as I have an important engagement.” 
And Charlie escaped inside the room and 
bolted the door. 

Send those goods by Jimmie,” was the 
war cry for several days. 

The “ beautiful snow ” episode was long 
remembered and greatly enjoyed. 

Many practical jokes were played on nu- 
merous travellers, and fun ran fast and furious. 

Wanted, a boy,” on a card on the door of 
a traveller brought hundreds of applicants, to 
the great annoyance of the victim. In self- 
defence he placed a card on which was 
printed, “ I’ve got a boy ! ” Some wag wrote 
under the last sign, — “ What’s his name ? ” 

Get a girl.” 

An advertisement in a daily paper for a 
lady typewriter, to apply at No. — , Entre- 
sol^ Palmer House^ at seven o’clock, a. m., 
brought an army of lovely ladies, who drove 
the poor drummer nearly frantic with rage. 


12 


178 


Leaves frofn 


Bogus buyers were numerous, and a strange 
purchaser often viewed with cautious suspicion 
by the salesmen. 

One evening, after a tiresome day, Ashley 
and Roeback had retired to rest. A knock 
on the door was answered, and one of the 
proprietors entered. He stated that one of 
the guests was in a neighboring room suffer- 
ing from poison, administered by his own 
hand, with intention of committing suicide. 
Fearing that he might be a commercial man, 
they hastily dressed, and were conducted to 
the room at once. Six strong porters were 
taking turns walking the sick man up and 
down the room, endeavoring to keep him 
awake. His eyes were sunken and nearly 
closed; his skin had that green and yellow 
color which is always the result of morphine 
poisoning. The two stalwart porters were 
supporting him by the arms, and trying to 
follow out the instructions left by a physician, 
viz., to keep him in constant motion, and not 
let him sleep an instant. 

Ashley saw at once that the man was very 
near to death, and something must be done 


A Drummer s Diary, 179 

quickly to arouse him from his stupor. Call- 
ing for chopped ice he hastily filled the water- 
bowl, and had crash towels saturated with the 
ice-cold water. Then taking a glass of the 
icy water, he repeatedly dashed the water in 
the face of the sick man. Taking the wet 
towels by one end the two drummers be- 
labored the poor fellow for several minutes on 
the face and head. Again the sudden dashes 
of ice water, and the other treatrnent was 
repeated. At length the amateur physicians 
were rewarded for their efforts by the man 
opening his eyes, and in a feeble manner try- 
ing to protest against the heroic treatment. 
A galvanic battery was called for, and assisted 
greatly in restoring the patient to some show 
of sensibility and consciousness. For five 
hours these commercial travellers worked over 
the stranger. When the approaching dawn 
proclaimed the coming day, the man was de- 
clared entirely out of danger, and the two 
weary drummers again sought their beds to 
sink into a heavy slumber. 

The attempted suicide was removed in the 
morning by his parents to their home, while 


Leaves from 


i8o 

\ 

the tired travellers were sleeping. They 
never heard of him again, and knew not even 
his name. But he was a man, and the drum- 
mers thought a life was worth saving, if but 
for his mother’s sake. 


A Drummer s Diary, 


i8i 


CHAPTER XXIX. 

A VERY dear friend, who is a commercial 
traveller, met Ashley one day upon the street, 
and informed him that he desired to call 
Ashley^s attention to one of the most wonder- 
ful manifestations of spiritual power that had 
lately happened to him. He had been a firm 
believer in Spiritualism for many years, and 
after the death of a mother and sister became 
deeply interested in all its phases. Ashley^s 
curiosity was excited at once, and he accom- 
panied his friend to numerous seances. 
After a thorough investigation of many weeks 
Ashley discovered the entire so-called spirit- 
ual phenomenon of materialization was a 
fraud and a humbug. Making sure that 
these manifestations were all tricks performed 
by a masterhand, he called upon the New 
York Worlds and disclosed the matter to the 
editor of that paper. Two reporters were 
selected to accompany him in visiting this 


i 82 


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spiritualistic “joint/’ and plans were 
formed to expose the fraudulent character of 
its inmates. On the evening selected, Ashley 
accompanied by George Roeback, a fellow- 
traveller, several friends and the reporters, 
met at seven o’clock, and started for the 
medium’s residence. The entire story can 
best be told by an extract from the account 
which appeared in the columns of the New 
York World on the following Sunday. 

‘‘ The awful shadow of some unseen Power. 

Floats, though unseen, among us.” — S helley. 

“The so-called Spiritual phenomena have 
been for many years familiar to the reading 
public. In spite of repeated exposures of 
the methods used by the mediums, there are 
still many believers in the genuineness of 
their manifestations. It is impossible, in view 
of the secrecy almost invariably maintained, 
to make even an approximate estimate of 
their numbers. Mediums exist in all our 
large cities, and do a lucrative business, 
making converts from every religious denom- 
ination. 


A Drummer s Diary. 


1S3 


‘‘the house of the spirits. 

“ The gullibility of the regular ‘ sitter ’ in 
the seances is not only astonishing but exceed- 
ingly ludicrous. Perspiring spirit forms, 
redolent of odors of cabbage and beer, 
come with palpably clumsy steps and embrace 
in a manner suggestive of (he bagnio the 
delighted old crank whose wife died twenty 
years ago. They give him a message from 
the ‘ other side ’ in a whisper which his 
deluded ears drink in with great satisfac- 
tion, and after a few warm kisses the spiritual 
‘back number’ skips from his arms and 
disappears. The burning curiosity of these 
people, while they reject orthodox belief, 
causes them to inquire into and investigate 
phenomena, the very absurdity, nay, the 
gross coarseness and vulgarity of which 
should cause sensitive minds to recoil in dis- 
gust. The lunatic pranks, bad performing of 
wretched musical instruments, harmonicas, 
banjos, accordions and other instruments of 
torture ; slapping of backs, thumping of 
hands and feet, waving of fans and other 


Leaves from 


184 

erratic performances should cause them to 
cry, ‘ Oh, for some high art spirits ! give us 
something elevated and guilt-edged instead of 
this burlesque/ But they take it all in with 
the rest of the exhibition and say it is ‘ of the 
earth, earthy,’ and designed for those whom 
more elevating influences could not reach. 

“ It is noticeable that modern spirit material- 
izers are much lower in tone than those of 
twenty or thirty years since. We are not 
treated to learned discourses on the spirit 
visits recorded in ancient and modern history. 
They do not try to teach theurgical dogmas 
or elevate our minds by showing the poetical 
beauty of a communion with our beloved 
dead, or attempt by the manifestations to 
furnish actual demonstrations of the soul’s 
immortality and the conditions and laws of 
the post-mortem existence. Their posthum- 
ous remarks are confined to statements of 
their own inability to control, create or even 
understand the phenomena, because the 
mediums, without exception, are uneducated 
and unfit for a business which requires 
remarkable acuteness and tact.” 


A Drummer s Diary, 185 

Ashley and Roeback, accompanied by a 
World reporter and an artist, went to Caffray’s 
a celebrated medium whose house was on 
Seventh Ave., New York. The visitors were 
ushered into the parlor, w^here they found 
eighteen people seated in a circle. The room 
was an ordinary parlor, divided by sliding 
glass doors, back of which stood a cabinet 
made of hinged two-inch timber, covered with 
dark curtains. Before the sliding doors hung 
heavy lambrequins. A chahdelier hung in the 
centre of the parlor, and the room was pro- 
fusely decorated with Japanese fans, banners, 
umbrellas, banjos and other highly colored ob- 
jects. Across the ceiling from the back room 
ran a slight cord, disappearing behind a very 
large Japanese umbrella, which hung against 
the wall between the front windows. Behind 
this was a lamp in a box, which Caffray 
lighted. This light was regulated by the 
“ spirit at the end of the cord raising and 
lowering a shutter on the front of the 
box. 


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1 86 


THE PARAPHERNALIA. 

At the end of the room, to the right, stood 
a table draped down to the floor with black 
velvet. On the mantel lay a cornet and 
three tambourines. The people comprising 
the “ circle ” formed an interesting study in 
physiognomy. It was a typical collection of 
spiritualistic cranks. At the right end sat a fat 
old man, whose benevolent face beamed with 
cheery complacency and expectation. We 
will call him Mr. Popper. He was a regular 
‘‘ sitter,” and was visited nightly by the spirit 
of his dead wife. Next to him sat a gaunt, 
thin man, with a sad face, with whom there 
were two lean, homely girls, with packages of 
candy in their hands. A large man, whom 
they called ‘‘ Doctor ” sat next. 

Then followed a good-looking Frenchman 
and his daughter, both ardent believers in the 
mysterious manifestations. They had a quiet, 
hallowed air of anticipation on their faces. 
The young lady was very pretty indeed, and 
seemed out of place. There was a fat woman 
with heavy black ringlets ; two or three long- 


A Drummer's Diary. 187 

haired men who looked like poets ; another who 
appeared the typical Mormon elder, and so on 
round to where sat the artist and reporter, 
next to Mrs. Caffray. She is a pretty woman, 
only twenty years old and about five feet three 
or four inches in height. She wore a brown 
dress of woollen stuff and had a very good 
figure. She moved about the room with an 
easy and noiseless step, and spoke in a low, 
musical tone of voice. 

She had her husband^s air of suspicious ap- 
prehension, and glanced sharply and furtively 
at the circle of faces, six of whom were 
strangers to her. She left the room fre- 
quently, as did her husband, but they were 
absent together but a few times. Their con- 
versation was noticeable for many astonishing 
grammatical errors and revealed a lack of the 
educational benefits of spiritual communion. 
Mrs. Caffray took the tambourines, a guitar 
and a fan, and laid them upon the floor in the 
centre of the room. The chairs were then 
drawn up in a circle and Mrs. Caffray seated 
herself beside her husband, whose round, bald 
head reflected the glow of the one gas-jet 


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above. Every one joined hands with his 
neighbor. The circle was complete. The 
‘‘ forces ” were at work that were to subject 
the spirits of the air to the medium’s control. 
Everything was ready and all w^ere expectant. 
The words of St. Luke came into mind — 
“ This is your hour and the power of dark- 
ness.” All joined hands again and sat in 
silence for a few minutes, when Caffray, who 
had been watching the people in the circle, 
rose and said : Ladies and gentlemen, 

before we go on I want to say a few words 
about these manifestations. There are two 
or three people here to-night that I wouldn’t 
have let in if I had been in the room when 
they came. I want to say right here that if 
you ain’t satisfied with this thing, now is the 
time to say so, and not make no disturbance 
afterwards. If you don’t think it is being run 
all right get out now, for we don’t want you 
here. We don’t ask you to believe nothing. 
We don’t understand these phenomenon our- 
selves. I can’t explain them. The spirits 
come and they go, and we don’t know what 
they are going to do. They may not come at 


A Drummer s Diary, 189 

all to-night, for, as you all know, it is cold, 
wet and foggy, and the condition of the atmos- 
phere has everything to do in matters of this 
kind. We don’t know if you will get no 
manifestations to-night or not. I hope we 
will. Now take hold of hands and don’t on 
any account let go, and keep your feet on the 
floor, as the forces work better under those 
conditions.” 

After flnishing his little speech, which was 
delivered in a bullying tone of voice, Caffray 
took his seat. With his head bent down, he 
proceeded to carefully scrutinize each one of 
the people in the room in turn. Caffray rose 
and went to the chandelier in the middle of 
the room. ‘‘ Remember my instructions,” he 
said, and with a quiet movement the light was 
turned out, and the circle was in darkness. 
And what a darkness ! Every possible ray of 
light from the street had been carefully ex- 
cluded by large oil-cloth screens over the win- 
dows. Not a sound could be heard except 
the heavy, deep-drawn sigh of the nervous 
ones* Presently a slight noise was heard 
near Caffray’s seat, and the next instant the 


Leaves from 


190 

audience heard a fan waved quickly through 
the air in the middle of the circle, and the 
cool air on the face was very welcome, for it 
was intensely warm. As soon as the spirit 
had made known his presence the knowing 
ones said: “Oh! there’s Johnnie Gray;” 
while the old ladies murmured : “ Dear old 
Johnnie, do come to me, won’t you ? ” 
Johnnie Gray, for Caffray said it was he, then 
took up the guitar and banjos which had been 
placed on the floor. The banjos he thumped 
in a very muscular fashion, and then played a 
few bars from “ Tit Willow ” on the guitar. 
This was followed by fervent ejaculations of 
delight, such as “O Johnnie, do it again!” 
“ Isn’t that hea,venly ? ” “ Thank you, thank 
you, Johnnie, dear!” A small disk of 
white light was then flashed through the air 
with erratic movements, at times appearing in 
the faces of the believers, and in return the 
spirit received many “ thank yous ” and 
“ Bless you, Johnnie.” Quick as a flash it 
mounted up and rattled about the fans and 
ornaments on the chandelier, and some one 
asked: “Where are you now, Johnnie?” and 


A Drummer s Diary. 19 1 

a ghostly voice came from above, “ I am 
here.’’ 

“ Where is the light ? ” 

“ I got it on my foot.” 

It then came down to the floor with a rush, 
amid many exclamations of endearment, and a 
deep horse-laugh, very earthy, was followed 
by : I am down here now,” in a deep-sea 
voice. Johnnie then indulged in a little more 
horse-play, much to the fervently expressed 
gratification of his friends, and, placing the 
tambourines on the heads of the two persons 
•who are to have special visitations in the next 
seance, he evidently disappears, for a slight 
rustling is heard behind Mr. and Mrs. Caffray, 
and all is still again. • 

After waiting a few moments some one said : 
I guess he has gone again,” and this specu- 
lation is answered by Caffray, who says, 
Yes, it is all over now.” Then he lighted 
the gas. The first sitting was over, and the 
light brought a sense of relief which is inde- 
scribable. 

Mrs. Caffray, the medium, took her seat in 
the cabinet, said ‘‘ Good night,” and her hus- 


192 


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band said she would sleep there' until mid- 
. night. He then cautioned the spectators 
about a spirit who sometimes came, called In- 
dian Jim, who was a dangerous character, and 
could not be controlled. “Do not think of 
him,’’ he said, “or he might come. I have 
known him to take a chair and throw it at any 
one who offended him, so be very careful.” 

The speaker then placed three chairs near 
the table, which were left unoccupied for the 
accommodation of the spirits and their friends, 
and after telling his audience they must not 
under any circumstances try to touch the 
clothing of the spirits or to take the hands of 
any who might come, he turned the light out 
and took his seat next to the folding doors. 
Hands were joined again. It was as dark as 
before, and all were very much afraid that In- 
dian Jim might appear. 

The first evidence that the anxious audience 
had that the spirits were at work was a small 
ray of light coming from behind the big um- 
brella between the windows. It grew lighter 
and lighter until the forms of all in the room 
could be discerned except those near the 


A Driuniner s Diary, 193 

cabinet. The dark curtains of the cabinet 
parted and the White form of a child could be 
plainly seen. 

“ Ah, there is Patience,” said the experi- 
enced visitor, and the child form vanished 
and reappeared at short intervals. Caffray 
explained to the uninitiated that it was the 
spirit of his little girl, who died three years 
ago. 

The spirit grew stronger and came out in 
front of the curtains and said : 

How de do, Mr. Popper ? ” 

How do you do. Patience, dear?” said 
the elderly believer, addressed in an unctuous 
voice. Are you strong to-night ? ” 

“ Not very,” was the response, ‘‘but I might 
be stronger if I had turn tandy.” 

“ Well, I have some for you. Do you think 
you can come out and get it ? ” 

“ I don’t fink I tan. You had better bing 
it to me.” 

Saying that he was very sorry that she 
could not come out, the old gentleman took 
the box of candy to the cabinet and received 
in return many little kisses. 

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194 


Leaves from 


The child-spirit spoke in a high tone of 
voice, which at times was almost shrill, and 
used the infantile pronunciation. The old 
gentleman who had given the child her candy 
had no sooner taken his seat than a tall, 
bright form appeared, who was greeted by 
Caffray as Minnehaha. She had in her hands 
a long string of beads and walked boldly out 
into the room with a heavy tread and gave the 
beads to the old gentleman on the artist’s left, 
and disappeared again into the cabinet. 
‘‘ This beautiful spirit of the Indian girl,” said 
Caffray, “ has always attended my seances. 
She never speaks, but comes out and gives 
the beads to some one of the circle. This is 
always an indication that the person who gets 
the beads will be especially blessed by mani- 
festations.” As soon as the explanation was 
finished the form reappeared, took her beads 
and vanished again. 

‘‘ How de do, Mr. Hughes ? ” with which 
remark the child-spirit of Patience came again 
and stood between the curtains of the cabinet. 

“ How are yon. Patience ; are you any 
stronger ? ” 


A Driunmer s Diary. 195 

“ Yes, a little. Did 00 turn in a hurry to- 
night ? ” she asked. 

Yes, I was late and had to hurry,” was 
the response. 

‘‘ Well, 00 won’t dit anyting to-night,” she 
said, with a laugh. She then asked several 
other persons present similar questions, and 
got six boxes of candy from them. 

The young French lady who sat with her 
father at the upper end of the room was then 
called as Lizzie. She walked up to the child 
form, and, after kissing the spirit several 
times, received a large bunch of lilacs, which 
she carried in triumph to her father, who 
said, “ Mon Dieu ; que c’est vonder-fool.” 

Black Hawk, a friendly Indian, came next 
from behind the dark curtains. He was a 
big, brawny fellow, and went around the circle 
shaking hands with each and saying : Ugh ! ” 

Good ! ” How do 1 how do ? ” Fie was 
dressed in what appeared in the dim light, 
which constantly fluctuated, being quite light 
at times, to be a suit of some dark brown 
stuff, trimmed with white. A large chapeau 
of feathers was on his head and his feet were 


196 


Leaves from 


incased in black stockings, and looked very 
large. He disappeared like the others, and 
then came two visions in white, with veiled 
faces, who in ghastly whispers asked for Mr. 
Featherstone. Mr. Featherstone responded 
with alacrity, and, clasping the two former in 
his arms, kissed them both affectionately and 
led them to the chairs provided for their 
accommodation. There they sat for several 
minutes. The spirits tried to climb all over 
the old gentleman, who was himself pretty 
good on the climb, and in the dim light little 
could be seen but the long arms locking and 
unlocking about each other, and nothing 
could be heard but the hearty kisses, until it 
seemed that the spirits were struggling to see 
which could get the most. They finally left 
him, and the old man returned to his seat 
entirely exhausted, and whispered to his 
neighbor : “ They have taken all the power 
out of me.” Attention was next attracted to 
the table in the corner, where something light 
seemed to come directly from the floor. It 
mounted slowly up the side of the lambrequin 
until it reached the top of the door, and there 


A Drummer s Diary, 197 

took on the form of a woman, who was recog- 
nized by some one as the spirit of a long-lost 
friend. It went back as it came, going out of 
sight in the floor behind the table. 

The spirit of Laura followed next to see her 
brother, who was sitting under the big um- 
brella which concealed the lantern. He had 
a friend with him. It was totally dark when 
Caffray said he did not want to have the circle 
broken, and he walked down the room and 
took the chair vacated by Laura’s brother. 
He had hardly taken his seat when a loud 
‘‘ swish ” was heard, and it became evident to 
all that a spirit was materializing at the back 
of the circle behind Mr. Popper. An illumi- 
nated object was first seen on the floor, and 
it rose slowly to a standing position. It was 
dazzlingly bright and remained but a moment, 
when, with another swish, it went out of sight 
on the floor again. This manifestation 
pleased the believers more than any of the 
others, for it proved to them that the circle 
was all in sympathy and the spirit could get 
strength enough to penetrate even beyond the 


198 Leaves from 

circle. Laura’s brother and his friend then 
came back and took their seats. 

Meanwhile the artist, seated near Caff ray, 
expressed to his neighbor the hope that his 
dead sister Alice would appear to him. In a 
few minutes a figure approached and paused 
before him. He sprang to her and said in a 
voice full of emotion and awe, “ Is this 
Alice ? ’’ The form replied, embracing him 
warmly, ‘‘ I am. I can’t stay long, as I am 
very weak. I will come again.” She reap- 
peared in a few minutes and led him to the 
vacant chairs, where he was kissed and pas- 
sionately caressed. Then followed a conver- 
sation in which he made himself appear as 
a thorough believer in her spirituality, and 
endeavored to impress the name Alice upon 
her memory, in order that on his next visit she 
would remember and appear. On this rested 
the whole basis of the plan of action. 

Three little children then came to the open- 
ing of the cabinets and asked for their papa, 
but Caffray told them that Mr. Giles was not 
present, and they went slowly away. Next 
came an Arab of the plains, who uttered a 


A Drummer s Diary. 199 

few words in a strange tongue and backed 
into the cabinet again. The spectators, 
flushed with excitement, eagerly awaited the 
appearance of some others, but they waited in 
vain. The childish voice of Patience was 
heard to say ‘‘ dood nite,’^ and Caffray pulled 
the doors together, lit the light, and said that 
the seance was over. He told the audience, 
however, that he would show them how spirits 
could materialize through closed doors. He 
tied the knobs of the doors with a handker- 
chief, and pulled the lambrequins to within 
about three feet of each other. After lower- 
ing the light, he said that a form would appear 
in front of the doors, and sure enough, in a 
few moments the figure of a girl stood in front 
of the astonished spectators. It stretched 
forth its hands for a moment, and then dis- 
appeared. The sitting was over, and the 
audience slowly dispersed, talking as they 
went of the very wonderful things they had 
seen, and some expressing hope to Caffray 
that certain spirits, whom they named, would 
come to them next time, and he, in his quiet 
way, said that perhaps they would. 


200 


Leaves from 


On the following Thursday, a party of 
seven, consisting of Ashley, Roeback, three 
friends, and the two Wof'ld men, met at seven 
o’clock and went to Caff ray’s house, where 
another seance was to be held. 

The newspaper men went in first, and were 
soon joined by the remainder of the party. 
They found in the room twelve persons, after 
which more arrived, making twenty-nine in 
all, many of whom were devout believers. 
Contrary to the usual rule, no dark seance 
was held. 

THE TRAP LAID. 

Mrs. Caffray took her seat as usual in the 
cabinet and said ‘‘ Good night.” The lights 
were put out, but for some reason the order to 
join hands was not given. The first spirit to 
appear was the Indian girl, Minnehaha, who 
came as usual with her beads and gave them 
to Mr. Popper. He was visited again by his 
wife, who added serenity to his smile. Then 
came three spirits to a sea captain, followed 
by the spirit of Dr. Ely, but the person he 
came for was absent. Patience, who usually 
is the first to speak, now put in an appearance 


A Driininter s Diary. 201 

and got a box of bonbons from a benevolent 
old enthusiast. She also called up Mile. 
Lizzie, the pretty French girl, and gave her a 
spray of lilacs. Mr. Ashley was visited by 
the spirits of Laura, his alleged dead sister, 
and of his Aunt Mary, and he received also a 
bunch of lilacs. The spirit of a little child 
came next and called for mamma and papa, 
but no one claimed her and she went away 
again. 

A male and a female spirit then came, who 
were said to be the son and daughter of Mr. 
and Mrs. Hardington, and the old people 
went forward to them. Mr. Hardington is 
very deaf and could not hear the spirit mes- 
sage, but his good wife told him she would 
write it out when they got home. 

Throughout all of the manifestations the 
believers were loud in their ejaculations of 
praise and thankfulness. “ Was it not beau- 
tiful ? ’’ Oh, I hope they will come to me ! 

“ Who can now doubt that our dear dead 
ones can return ? and the like. The reporter 
was then favored with the materialization of a 
spirit who said she was his guide and guardian 


202 


Leaves from 


angel, and her name was Virginia. She lin- 
gered but a moment for affectionate greeting 
and vanished like her sister into the blackness 
of mystery and the cabinet. 

THE artist’s mash. 

After them came the gentle spirit who whis- 
pered “ Alice.” The artist sprang forward 
and clasped her in his arms and poured forth 
greetings into the ear of the perspiring imper- 
sonation, while Caffray got up and gave them 
his seat and took the vacant one in the circle. 
She promised her living and very live brother 
to appear again soon, and then she faded 
away. Suddenly Indian Jim, the loiip-garou 
of the spectators, appeared. Caffray pro- 
tested against his coming, but he came, never- 
theless, shaking in his hand a woman’s scalp, 
and with a jumping movement went toward 
the timid ones, who shrank back in their 
chairs, especially when he turned to Caffray, 
who stood by his side, and said, “ Scalp um ? ” 
He finally consented to go back again, much 
to the relief of Mr. Popper, who had lost all of 
his color. The spirit of Mr. March came next. 


A Drummer s Diary, 203 

and was recognized by some of his friends. 
He was followed by Black Hawk, who shook 
hands as usual with everybody present. Two 
more figures showed themselves and vanished, 
when suddenly the curtains parted and a form 
advanced to within a few feet of the artist and 
said “ Alice. He advanced to meet her. 
Caff ray again gave up his chair, a courtesy he 
showed no one else, and the two — brother and 
alleged sister — passed a few minutes in earn- 
est conference. Then the artist said, in a 
whisper, ‘‘ I feel I must tell these good people 
what you have done for me.’’ 

THE EXPOSURE. 

“ Yes, I think you ought to,’’ said the spirit. 

‘‘ Well, will you come down the room a little 
way?” She did not respond, but he put his 
arm lovingly about her neck and guided her 
down towards the centre of the room until he 
was under the chandelier. This was the crit- 
ical moment. Another form was seen coming 
out of the cabinet. By his actions the artist’s 
friends knew that the moment for action had 
come. They saw the dark sleeve of his coat 


204 


Leaves fro7n 


go a little further until it seejiied he had a firm 
hold on the white-robed spirit. Then when 
all his friends were waiting, the signal came. 
Looking over his shoulder to assure his 
friends that all was ready, he whirled the 
spirit around and uttered two distinct hisses. 

Instantly four lights flashed from under as 
many chairs. The minute the lights were lit 
Caffray, who was in the centre of the room, 
where the artist had been sitting, sprang for- 
ward and with violent curses began to rain 
blows on the men who held the tapers. The 
gas flared up. Caffray had met his match. 
With one blow he was felled to the floor by 
George Roeback. All was confusion. Roe- 
back, as the signal was given, rushed into the 
cabinet, in pursuit of one of the female spirits, 
who had fled in alarm. At first the cabinet 
seemed empty, but the next momenr he saw a 
pair of well-shaped legs disappearing under 
the black curtain. With one dive he went 
under, too, and seized the fleeing spirit by the 
part that was nearest him. The spirit was 
game, and fought hard, but it did not take 
long to drag her over the floor into the main 


A Dritnimer s Diary, 205 

parlor. In the meantime, the artist had 
turned the face of his captive to the bewil- 
dered believers, saying : ‘‘ Ladies and gentle- 
men, here is one of the materialized spirits. 
What do you think of her ? A pretty substan- 
tial piece of flesh, eh .? Look at her well, for 
she may vanish out of our sight.” 

MRS. CAFFRAY EN DESHABILLE. 

The reporter then supplemented his remarks 
by saying, “ Here is another who does not 
look very ethereal,” and producing Mrs. 
Caffray in a condition of most startling des- 
habille. Her scanty attire would have dis- 
graced a ballet-dancer. She was placed on a 
chair, and old Mr. and Mrs. Hardington sank 
down on their knees beside her. The old 
lady was crying bitterly, and said, “ Are you 
not my daughter ? My Anna ? Tell me, oh, 
tell me,' are you not a spirit? When pressed 
for an answer the young woman gasped, “ I 
am so frightened I can^t speak, but I am no 
spirit,” and the old lady and gentleman left 
with their hopes shattered, while another old 
lady turned to the intruders, and, with tears in 


2o6 


Leaves from 


her eyes, thanked the exposers for what they 
had done, saying that it would save her hus- 
band from a lunatic asylum. Meanwhile, all 
was action. The artist had placed his trem- 
bling but passive captive on a chair, and ad- 
monished her to keep quiet. Caffray had 
struggled to his feet, and attempted to close 
the door leading into the back room, but was 
prevented after a short but lively struggle. 
He finally said, “ I give in,” and was led to 
the mantel, and the artist, noticing that his 
bald pate was bleeding from a slight cut, 
bound his handkerchief about it. The faces 
of the beholders were studies in physiognomy. 
Astonishment and consternation were blended 
with expressions of gratification at the expos- 
ure of the gigantic fraud. The crowd 
thronged into the back room and curiously 
inspected the paraphernalia, of the Spiritual- 
ists, uttering expressions of satisfaction at the 
exposure. Thanks were heard on all sides 
for the conclusive proof offered of the decep- 
tion. The floor was littered with articles 
which had been used in the seance. 


A Drummer s Diary,^ 


207 


CAFFRAY CONFESSES. 

Caffray and his assistants proved to be very 
contrite, and expressed themselves as very 
sorry for what they had done in hoaxing peo- 
ple into the belief that they were communing 
with the spirits of their dead friends. In his 
confession, which was corroborated by his 
wife and Maggie Clifton, he said : All the 
manifestations which you have seen here have 
been worked by us three,” pointing to his 
assistant and wife. ‘‘ In the first seance 
Maggie, here, came into the room, dressed in 
black tights, carrying a bit of glass in the 
shape of an oval, covered with luminous paint. 
She passed between my wife and myself and 
flashed the light about and played on the in- 
struments. She is something of a ventrilo- 
quist and that accounts for her, at times seem- 
ing to be at the ceiling. In the second seance, 
my wife, as you know, takes her seat in the 
cabinet, where she is supposed to go into a 
trance, in which I always stated she remained 
until midnight. In reality she merely re- 


208 


Leaves from 


moved her dress, which is made so that it can 
be taken off or put on very quickly. 

Before the people come my wife dresses, 
and she puts on all of the costumes she wears 
under her dress, except the shawl, which is 
over her head, so that it is very easy to appear 
as a different spirit each time by simply put- 
ting on or taking off some drapery. She is an 
expert ventriloquist, and impersonated Black 
Hawk and Indian Jim. In this character she 
wears a mask, gloves stuffed, and stands in 
stilts which look like feet and ankles, to give 
her the needed height. In impersonating 
Patience she stands on one side of the open- 
ing of the cabinet with drapery about her 
neck, so when she bends over it hangs down 
and she looks like a little girl. We did have a 
boy to do this act, but for various reasons now 
have dispensed with his services, and since 
that time Patience has not gone out into the 
room. She did not have the strength. 

‘‘ Our plan was to find out beforehand some 
little points in the person’s history to whom 
we wished the spirits to appear, and by giving 
them a little they would give the rest away 


A Drtunnter s Diary, 209 

themselves. The manifestation by the table 
in the corner is done by my wife getting up 
on the table with a long white piece of lace.’^ 

‘‘ How did you work it when three people 
appeared, if you only have two persons } ” 
asked Ashley. 

“ Why I did that,^^ said Caffray. ‘‘ You 
see, I sat close by the cabinet, and apart 
from the rest. I regulated the light by the 
string which came to the floor by my seat. 
When a third person was needed, or the 
spirit of a man, I lowered the light, put on a 
mask that I had handy, turned up my coat- 
collar and stood up to be received and recog- 
nized. Maggie, here, of course, never 
appeared in front, and was dressed to suit the 
spirits she was to represent. We told her all 
we learned, and she was placed so she could 
see the positions of the people she was fo 
come to, and in that way had no difficulty in 
appearing to the proper persons.’’ 

The stars which are on the heads of the 
spirits are simply disks cut like a star. One 
of them was shown and it proved to be a 
glass star backed with paste-board, between 


14 


210 


Leaves from 


which was placed luminous paint and they 
were fastened on by rusty old pieces of wire 
made to fit about the head. 

“ These things were all placed in a conven- 
ient place,” said Caffray, resuming his story, 

so that they could be found in the dark, and 
practice had made the actors perfect, for they 
regularly rehearse in the dark, so as to make 
no mistake. Then comes the materializing 
through the closed doors. It will be remem- 
bered that the doors were closed and the lam- 
brequins were drawn to within a few feet of 
each other. One of the doors had been cut 
near the post so that it pulled out when they 
were closed. This opening was covered by 
the drapery, which hangs well out from tlie 
door, leaving ample space for a person to 
pass. The light was very low, and one of the 
confederates simply passed through the open- 
ing in the doors, behind the lambrequin, and 
appeared between them in front of the audi- 
ence, and then vanished.” 

‘‘ But how’^ about the materialization outside 
of the circle ? ” was asked. 

■“ That was the hardest thing to accomplish 


A Driunmer s Diary, 2 1 1 

successfully and was seldom done. If you 
paid attention you will remember that just 
before it appeared Laura came out and asked 
for two persons who were in the upper end of 
the room, and they went with her to the vacant 
chairs near the cabinet. Then I said that the 
circle should not be broken, and volunteered 
to take the vacant seats and keep it closed. 
As I walked down the room, and it was all 
dark, I was followed by a confederate in 
black, who kept close to me. I moved one of 
the empty chairs, the black spirit passed 
through, and I took my seat. I would then 
almost instantly call attention to a light object 
on the floor which would rise to a standing 
position. This is done by holding a long 
sheet covered with luminous paint on one side 
and black on the other close to the floor at 
first, and slowly lifting it up until the spirit is 
ready to depart, when it is lowered again with 
the black outside, and this bundle is taken in 
the confederate’s arms. Laura now lets her 
friends go. They come back to their seats, 
which I resign, and the manipulator, who has 
been behind the chairs slips out and follows 


212 


Leaves from 


me down to the cabinet, after which the lights 
are turned on to give the people a chance to 
talk of the wonderful manifestations. With 
these details it is easy for you to see how all 
other manifestations are done. They are 
essentially all the same, with a little varia- 
tion.’’ 

Do you believe in Spiritualism, Mr. Caf- 
fray ? ” 

No, certainly not,” he said, with a very 
faint attempt at a smile, but if crazy people 
will be hoaxed by such stuff 1 might as well 
do it as any one else.” 

Mrs. Caffray, who by this time had fully 
recovered from her fright, said : It was not 
so hard to do the business. It was only 
necessary to move slowly, be very careful and 
wait for others to talk. I never make a 
direct statement until the person I come to 
says something to give me a clue. Of course 
I don’t go to sleep in the cabinet, but proceed 
to business as soon as the curtains are drawn 
and very warm work it is too.” Maggie Clif- 
ton was the most reticent of the lot. She 
said she was a companion of Mrs. Caffra}^, 


A Driumncrs Diary. ^13 

and was hired to do the act, which she had 
learned when she was a little girl. 

Caffray said he had been in the business all 
his life, but that he had only given seances in 
this city for a year past, coming here from 
Rochester. He gave his age as thirty-five 
years, and said he ran the restaurant in the 
basement. The spiritual food which he dis- 
pensed paid best, however, as he made about 
$100 a week out of it, and the material fur- 
nished was cheaper. ‘‘ I never had any chil- 
dren, and of course the spirit of Patience is a 
hoax.'*’ 

After Caffray concluded, the commercial 
travellers and their confederates withdrew, 
leaving him and his wife in possession of the 
house. 

The exposure was a most important one, 
and gave great satisfaction to many of the 
victims, who thanked the drummers for the 
good and thorough work performed by them. 


Leaves from 


^14 


CHAPTER XXX. 

Fire ! Fire ! ! Fire ! ! ! 

Were you ever in a hotel at night when 
such an alarm was given ? Did you see the 
panic-stricken people, wild with fright, shriek- 
ing for help, as they run to and fro through 
the blinding smoke, clad in various styles of 
thin garments? 

With what deadly terror upon their faces, 
the dazed look of horror and despair, do they 
endeavor to find means of escape. 

White forms fill the stairways as the throng 
surges back and forth, fighting for their lives, 
as they rush through the smothering smoke 
and burning flames. 

At 3.30, Thursday morning, March 18, 
1887, the Hotel Richmond in Buffalo, N. Y., 
caught fire in the cloak-room just behind the 
elevator. On the fifth floor, in a room imme- 
diately in front of the elevator, a commercial 
traveller, J. C. Filbert, was peacefully sleep- 


A Driimvicrs Diary, 215 

ing. The terrible cry of Fire ! ” awakened 
him, and he heard the loud cries of the peo- 
ple and the puffing of steam-engines. Think- 
ing it was only a fire in the neighborhood he 
felt no alarm for several moments, until at 
length he beheld with horror the lurid light 
of a flame of Are, coming in the open transom 
over the door. Jumping hastily from his 
bed, he opened the door, to be met with a 
blast of flame, which burned his hair, face, 
and breast. He saw enough in that one 
moment to unnerve the strongest heart, and 
believed there was no chance of escape, as 
the entire hotel was a seething mass of fire 
and flame. Closing the door, he rushed to the 
windows, but they were completely blocked 
with telegraph wires. For one terrible 
instant he stood still, and thought. His time 
had come he believed, but he said to himself, 
‘‘ I’ll die like a man. I’ll jump into the fire 
and end it.” 

Then the memory of his dear wife made him 
stop again. Alas ! He had forgotten to pay 
the premium on his life insurance. “ Poor 
Ella. How will she stand this ? ” he cried. 


2i6 


Leaves fi'om 


The door burst open and the flame rushed 
into the room, setting fire to bed, carpet and 
furniture in an instant. He must fight for 
life and the loved ones at home ! 

Hastily securing the bed-clothes, and wrap- 
ping them quickly about his face, he ran 
through the burning hall, and entered the 
next room, through the connecting door to 
the corner apartment, closing the doors as he 
ran. Opening the window he awaited the 
extension ladder which had been up to the 
building, but was just being taken away. 
The firemen saw him, and again raised the 
ladder, but it only reached the fourth floor 
windows, and he was a story higher. A 
shout of courage from the people below ! He 
grasped the burning window-sill, threw himself 
flat upon the stone coping, commended him- 
self to Heaven — and let go ! He caught the 
ladder with his left hand, and swung round 
safe into the arms of a brave fireman. Thank 
God ! He was saved, but not a moment too 
soon. As he reached the centre of the ladder 
half way down, the wall and floor where he 
stood a minute before fell with a crash. 


A Drummer s Diary, 21/ 

The throng surged about him in a solid 
mass, and bore him to another hotel, where 
tender hands were ready to relieve his suffer- 
ings. He was the last person rescued from 
the burning hotel, where many commercial 
men met their death. 

After weeks of great agony and extreme 
suffering, he regained his health, and is now 
again upon the road. 

“ A LETTER FROM HOME.” 

LENA HERTZBERG. 

The hotel ’bus from the midnight train 
Brought only one passenger through the rain ; 

A commercial tourist weary and sad, 

For trade had been poor and collections bad. 

Not a single order was on his book : 

The disgust he felt was shown in his look ; 

With a careless hand he wrote his name 
On the page of a book unknown to fame. 

The drowsy night clerk the signature scanned, 

Then a letter placed in the drummer’s hand : 

See how he starts, while a smile of delight 
Comes over his face at the welcome sight. 

Opened the envelope : ’tis quickly torn. 

And over his face so weary and worn. 

Now flit like a sunbeam after a storm, 

Smiles of joy, as the message takes form. 


2i8 


Leaves front 


Thus clouds of despair that will ever appear 
To the travelling man, sometimes in the year, 
Are often dispelled by such simple means, 

As one friendly letter ; how little it seems ! 

So wives, sweethearts, sisters, and chums, 

If you know where we’ll be when Sunday comes, 
Write to us there, if your time will permit : 

Draw on us at sight, and we will remit, 

With thanks’ 


219 


A Drimirner s Diary, 


CHAPTER XXXI. 

While travelling from St. Louis to Kansas 
City with three trunks, Ashley lost one of 
them on the railroad by careless checking. 
An emigrant’s trunk was delivered at the 
hotel in place of the lost one, and contained 
articles of apparel which could not be used 
as holiday samples. 

In consequence, he was delayed a week at 
his own expense, while the obliging railroad 
officials endeavored to trace the lost baggage. 

c> 

While waiting in Kansas City he attended 
one of the theatres, and witnessed the amus- 
ing play, “ Skipped by the Light of the Moon.” 
Recognizing one of the principal performers 
as an old friend, who had formerly played 
with him in amateur dramatics, Ashley went 
to the stage door after the performance to 
meet him, and was received in the most cor- 
dial manner. One of the actors was much 
depressed on account of the receipt of a tele- 


220 


Leaves from 


gram that called him to the death-bed of his 
beloved father in another city, and was to 
start the following morning. The next day 
being Wednesday, there were to be two per- 
formances, and the company was in a 
dilemma, no person being available to take 
the actor’s part, nor could one be found in the 
city. Knowing the drummer’s previous 
record in the drama, he was anxiously re- 
quested to assist them in playing one of the 
parts, the character of an eccentric and irasci- 
ble old man. 

The time was very short in which to com- 
mit the part, and consent was granted after 
some hesitation and reluctance. However, 
the manuscript was given to Ashley that 
night, a rehearsal called the following day, 
and our drummer again “trod the boards,” 
performing both at the matinee and evening 
performance, with credit. 

A commercial traveller is certainly called 
upon to do many funny things during his 
travels, and this was an experience surely. 
The manager feeling greatly indebted to Ash- 
ley for his services, inquired the price for his 


A Driunmers Diary, 221 

labors. Upon being told that there was ‘‘no 
charge/’ he generously paid his day’s board 
and threw in a dollar’s worth of cigars. 
Verily, the theatrical profession are extremely 
appreciative. 

A commercial agent sat in the office of a 
Western hotel, quietly smoking and conversing 
with that glibness of tongue peculiar to his 
profession. 

“ In addition to selling the largest and best 
line of goods in America,” he began, with a 
benign smile, “I am introducing a new slang 
phrase, that is in the mouth of every person in 
the East, and eventually will be used all over 
the country.” 

“ What is it ? ” inquired some of the boys. 

“ It is the sentence, ‘ In the soup ! ’ If a 
man has a little hard luck, meets with misfor- 
tune or encounters poor trade, ‘ in the soup ’ 
describes his predicament. The origin of 
this slang phrase is generally unknown by the 
public, so I’ll explain to you the story of its 
birth. 

“ Last spring, a party of sporting men went 
down to Sandy Hook on a tug, to give 


222 


Leaves from 


Kilrain, the English pugilist, who was ex- 
pected to arrive on the Cunard steamer 
‘ Etruria,’ a grand reception. Some of the 
friends on the tug were considerably the 
worse for liquor, and when they arrived at 
the side of the. steamer, intending to take 
their hero off and bring him ashore, the cap- 
tain of the ‘ Etruria ’ would not allow them to 
do so. While chasing around the steamer, one 
of the roughs, being very drunk, lost his bal- 
ance and fell overboard. One of his com- 
panions, who witnessed his fall, but was too 
drunk to throw him a rope or offer any other 
assistance, contented himself with yelling, 
‘ Say — Ho ! Hey ! Mickey’s fell in the 
soup ! ’ 

“ Comparing the Atlantic Ocean to a plate 
of soup was so supremely ridiculous, that 
when the incident was related in the New 
York papers, the expression struck the pop- 
ular fancy, and is now the slang expression 
destined for a long run.” 

Did you boys hear how a quiet looking 
man tried to beat one of those weighing 
machines, without using a nickel in the slot ? ” 


A Drummer s Diary. 223 

inquired Charlie Fillingham, who had a great 
interest in the New York Club, and base-ball 
matters in general. 

‘‘ No. Let us hear it.’’ 

“ While watching several of the boys, who 
were lounging about the weighing machine, 
the discussion began as to its being easily 
beaten. One man could push a wire in 
the slot, and touch the spring. Another 
could insert a piece of tin foil or block tin. 
A quiet looking young man, whose appear- 
ance denoted him to be a commercial traveller, 
remarked soberly : — ‘ Why place anything 
in ? Blow into the slot ,’ and as he said this, 
he jumped on the platform, fastened his 
mouth over the slot, and blew into it with a 
vigorous puff. To the amazement of all, the 
machine began to work and the needle regis- 
tered his weight. 

“ ‘ Well, I swar ! ’ said one countryman. 

“ ‘ I’ll be blowed ! ’ remarked another. 

“ ‘ That’s funny. Never thought of that be- 
fore,’ all decided. 

“ ‘ Try it,’ said the traveller, ‘ its simple and 
very easy. 


224 


Leaves from 


So they tried it one at a time. Puffed and 
blew until their cheeks were distended^ and 
ready to burst. It didn’t work. They looked 
at each other, and then at the drummer. 

“ ‘ Blow harder,’ said the commercial tour- 
ist. 

“ They tried again until exhausted, but the 
needle never moved a particle. 

“ ‘ That’s very funny 1 ’ and the drummer 
stepped up, blew into the slot, and the 
machin-e again worked nicely. 

‘‘ ‘ Thunder ! why can’t we do it ? ^ inquired 
the chorus. 

‘‘ ‘ Oh ! you forgot to put the nickel in your 
mouth first,’ modestly answered the traveller.” 

The crowd rushed at once for the bar-room, 
each eager to ‘‘ set ’em up for the party, and 
then the fun began. 

“ That’s a good sell,” remarked Bender, a 
commercial man of over twenty years expe- 
rience : “but I heard a comical story and sell 
combined, which I will endeavor to relate. 

“A single gentleman, very eccentric, with 
but one friend in all the world with whom he 
had any social intercourse, and he was an 


225 


A Druinnicr s Diary, 

undertaker, being very ill, called his friend 
for the purpose of leaving his last will, with 
directions for the funeral, when he should 
‘ shuffle olf ^ this mortal coil. 

‘‘ The sick man desired a grand funeral, and 
no expense spared in sending him to the 
grave in fine style; Plenty of carriages, hired 
mourners, four white horses, with black 
plumes, etc. The day of the funeral duly 
arrived, and the undertaker had every 
arrangement made in accordance with the last 
wishes of his friend. 

“ It was difficult to find mourners who under- 
stood their business, and at the last minute, 
two Irishmen were hired, hurried into suits of 
mourning, high hats, scarfs, white gloves, etc. 
Taking them into the office, they were in- 
structed as to their duties and behavior as 
follows : — 

‘ Mike and Pat, you are both called upon 
to perform a most solemn and sacred duty. 
You will walk behind the hearse with a slow 
and 'dignified step, your hands folded in front, 
as if in deep sorrow, your eyes looking down 
at the ground. For the faithful performance 

15 


226 


Leaves from 


of these duties, in honor of my departed 
friend, I shall remunerate you both with two 
dollars. Under no consideration are you to 
forget my instructions or to look up, or you 
will lose your two dollars.* 

‘‘ The hearse started with the two chief 
mourners in their proper positions, followed 
by a long line of empty carriages, on the way 
to the cemetery. A car track was followed 
for some distance, when the following conver- 
sation began between the two Irishmen. 

‘‘ ‘ Mike ! * 

“ ‘ That yees want ? * 

‘ Der yees hear that ? * 

‘ Shure Pat, oi do ! * 

“ ‘ Phat yees thinks it is, Mike } * 

“ ‘ Shure Pat, oi don’t know. But don’t yees 
luk up, or yees lose yees two dollars.’ 

‘‘ Silence for several minutes. 

‘‘ * Oh ! Holy Mother of Moses, do yees 
hear d’ that ? ’ 

‘ Shure Pat, oi do. Oh, be gob ! That’s 
pooty quare, so it is. But don’t yees luk up 
Pat, or yees lose yees two dollars.’ 

‘‘ ‘ Mike ! ’ 


A Driunmer s Diary, 227 

“‘Pat!’ 

“ ‘ Are yees there ? ” 

“ ‘ Oi arn I ’ 

“ ‘ Yees is? ’ 

“ ‘ Oi are ! ’ 

“ ‘ O-o-o-o-o-o ! Oh ! Oi can’t stand this 
ony longer, two dollars or no two dollars. 
Oi’l luk up, for oi think the corpse is spakin, 
so oi do.’ 

After separating for the night, the commer- 
cial men retired to rest. The following day 
was the last one of the trip, and all were on 
their way home to spend the holidays with 
their families. 

The last days of a trip are always the long- 
est and hardest to every commercial tourist. 

No matter how great an experience upon 
the road, the last few days, after a lengthy 
separation, are difficult to bear without some 
impatience, and a wish that the journey was 
over. The mind will constantly revert to 
those at home, and the hours are very tedious 
indeed, while performing the several duties of 
a salesman, at the conclusion of a long trip. 

Trunks packed for the last time, seats 


228 


Leaves from 


secured in “ The Limited/^ and with a feeling 
of happy relief, the boys start again for 
“ Home, Sweet Home/’ 

“ All the world’s a stage.” 

Shakespeare. 

The story now is finished. It may be 
likened unto a play. The theatre is the broad 
country, wherein are depicted the many 
scenes from everyday life, which are so 
familiar to those men who follow a salesman’s 
vocation. 

The actors are the commercial travellers 
themselves, who are the vital forces which in 
this progressive age move the business world 
forward with mighty impulses. Each is clad 
in the garb or costume which best befits him. 

The play is a simple straightforward story 
of some of the experiences incident to a 
traveller’s life. The lights and shadows which 
are thrown across their paths, give the story 
somewhat the nature of a comedy, but there 
are also in it other elements which will serve 
to picture the more serious part of the life of 
a drummer. It sets forth the dangers which 


A Drummer s Diary, 229 

beset him, the trials and anxieties through 
which he must pass, while at the same time 
there are lessons which may be profitable to 
every one engaged in business life, be he either 
buyer or seller, employer or employee. 

The audience is composed of those who 
will peruse these pages, and as the curtain 
goes down in response to the prompter’s bell, 
may the audience feel that the drama has 
been one which has left its impress, and a 
better appreciation of the difficult and un- 
pleasant task of a drummer’s experience upon 
the road. 

If it accomplishes this, even in a small de- 
gree, it will haveTulfilled its mission. 


FINIS. 


BOOKS ]S/10ST rtE-A.33 


HIS WAY AND HER WILL. 

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BELFOBD, CLARKE CO., Publishers, 

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This is the Fifteenth Edition of “Miss Varian,” a fact which speaks more forcibly 
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BELFORD, CLARKE <& CO., PubHshers, 

CHICAGO, NEW YORK AND SAN FRANCISCO. 


BOOKS MOST TALKED ABOUT. 


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A NEW ROMANCE OF THE mh CENTURY,'' 

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A Novel. By Laura Daintrey, author of “ Miss Varian, of New York.’’ 
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A NEW AND EXTRAORDINARY STUDY OF HUMAN NATURE. 

THE ROMANCE OF A QUIET WATERING PLACE. 

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I 


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